h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Upon entering the thin door with the scuffed bronze saying 'private' and which tends to stick unless you kick it, you'll notice the room isn't that big. A cupboard door is set into the wall, and there is a battered desk with a small wooden chair behind it. The room could uncomfortably fit about three people in it. The floor is bare, and the one wall has a small faded picture of a cuddly cross eyed kitten in a flower bed. And that's it.

*walks in and drops off an appropriately battered and small laptop for SM's desk that includes a wireless Ethernet card*

*appears in the corner*

screw doors, give me a stc malfunction anyday...

I've brought some officewarming s for you

*puts down two large parcels on the desk*

The big one's a selection of alcoholic drinks from the bar, and the small one will let you get past the curfew systems at night . Quick, hide it from Venom before he gets here!

Thank you

*a door appears in the wall*

Axe, this is my cupboard. It has just about everything ever cared for in it

*puts card and alcohol in it, leaving the lap top on the desk*

*shuts cupboard door, which promptly vanishes*

*opens laptop and investigates what programmes it has on it*

Axe. What curfew system? In a hotel? Seriously now. And the laptop is cross-platform, windows and mac. I put a few games on it.

Ooh, pinball

*begins to play*

* walks in *

*reads the first three sentences of venom's post *
Did i say where the curfew system was?

* reads the last two sentences *
* gets very angry *
And as, apparently, the only computer literate person in this room, unless SM hasn't read your post yet, I would like to point out that it is IMPOSSIBLE, read that, ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE, even in hyperspace, this reality or whatever, to cross-platform any windows OS and any mac OS. The mere thought is abhorrent to me, and therefore, the computer and I are going for a little walk down to the UBS Tripwire for a minute.

* walks out, steaming *
* walks back in about five minutes later *

* takes a memory dump module out of his pocket *
* puts it into the back of the Mac/IBMcompat. laptop *
* drains all the data on the laptop *
* shoots the memory dump module *

You're not the only computer literate person, there are, however, programs that allow Mac programs to be run on PC and PC programs to be run on Mac. I understand that they're very incompatible, but I try to keep things simple. And there is no curfew anywhere I control, except my office and if you can get past the security there, I'll give you a Nobel prize in hacking.
*takes ruined laptop away, reloads it with Windows XP and puts a dartboard program on there which uses Axe's face as a background*

*rummages in cupboard*

*finds a sign*

*sticks it on the door*

(sign: this is the bouncer's rest room. please leave all arguements at the door )

You can't get Nobel prizes in hacking, and you really don't want me to try your office, 'cause I'd get through.

*reads SM's sign*
Good idea

*throws his argument outside*

*leaves the computer alone*

Thank you

You're right. Let's take this down to the lounge, or better yet, the hanger bay.

Now, now, there'll be no fighting on this station chaps. If you can't controlk yourselves then I'll have to take you outside

(I mean, in a bouncer's office too)

Yeah Venom, calm down

SM, sorry. It is your room, I'll just go do some bowling in my suite. Axe, remember, I do control the point-defense systems in this hotel. One push of the button under my big toe, and a whisper of your name, and you vaporize.

Venom, remember who mixes the drinks around here? I could find employment on any station in the quadrant, so if you want me around you better hadn't vaporize me.

Secondly, you can't actually vaporize me, 'cause you don't have access to the h2g2 databases. So there.

*resists urge to push button*

*stamps on venom's toes*

there. that should do it.

*gets "vapourised"*

[hev] critical system failure

[axe] right...

*uses his Kill-O-Zap plasma rifle to weld off Axe's HEV suit*

*scratches head*

Now now children, play nicely