h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You walk up to the board. It is a touchscreen with a keyboard at the bottom. Entries show up on the right 3/4 of the screen and the top 1/2 of the left 1/4. The bottom 1/2 of the left 1/4 of the screen is for the operation of posting notices. The notices are, for this remotely accessed version, posted below.

Excitement! Adventure! The occasional chance to play with some really cool-looking weapons! If that's what you want, then take the Cantina teleport to the H2G2 Space-Farer's Cantina and apply there for a job, any job! They'd be so glad to have you it's not even funny. Every applicant recieves a free buffet ticket and a free night's stay in a 3-star room! (and don't think about lying, Krans and Njan will authenticate you) So get down there and get adventuring!

*runs around with a palm-pilot making notes*



Axe_123's in da house (or space station, depending on your pov)

*silently registers Axe's palm with the wireless network server*

Axe_123 walks into the room and connects his Palm Pilot to the docking station embedded into the wall to the left of the screen. A few seconds later, the screen fills with status reports as the computer systems exchange data.

*Opening up a document on the main screen*

Hey Venom, can you put this message up on the main page:?

"Special offer: $5 off all Sbitsters purchased at the bar this week!"

Ok, no problem.

*walks in and looks around*

Hey venom, I'm just going to play around with some of the settings on this screen thing. It's screwing around with my system again...

*gets out a screwdriver and pokes it into the control box of the touchscreen*

*The screen goes slightly darker, but not enough for someone to notice*

That should do it

*walks out and goes back to his office*

*unlinks the board from Axe's precious Linux PC, and then runs a virus scan* *the scan finds no virus, in fact no trace of the board at all* AXE DON't DISCONNECT ANYTHING FROM THE NETWORK! *he reconnects the board*

There is no such thing as a linux virus

(I think...)

think being the key word. *puts his computer wizards on looking for ways to bring down Linux*

Computer, disallow all external communications which don't have my researcher number on them.

[Computer] Communication ports closed. Data transfer to all computers on this sum-net is not possible without your authorization (thanks to WinBan XP (author Axe_123))

[Axe] Now try and get your cracker wizard guys to bring down linux

Anyway, I only said that there was no such thing as a Linux Virus, and having researched this statement on the inter-subether-net, I _know_ that that is true!

Computer, disallow any OS other than Windows XP and CE on our networks, and close off user Axe_123 from remote terminal access.
[computer]Yes sir, coming up sir. Would you like me to lock out the Restaurant/Bar Personal Traffic subnet as well?
[CV] Do that, excepting my override.

*flips open his palm and connects it up to his mobile*
*dials a sub-ether number*
*speaks into the mobile*

Security verification Root-Delta-Epsilon-Four.
...
Activate emergency security program seven.
...
Estimated completion time?
...
Thanks. I'll speak to you later.
...
*puts down phone*

[to venom] You've got twenty four hours.

Computer, this is Venom. Voiceprint authorize. Activate manual override systems on oxygen supply and water supply. Lock all doors. Shutdown pending completion.

*the board goes blank, all the systems in the hotel shut down excepting the low droning of oxygen and water pumps*

*Axe_123 switches to HEV mode*

[HEV suit] Welcome to the HEV Mark 4 protective system for use in hazardous environment conditions.

*A flashlight switches on*

[HEV suit] This suit is registered to Gordan Freeman of the Black Mesa...

[Axe_123] Computer, shut up.

Venom, put the power back on, you're starting to annoy me.

*The hotel returns to life* Half-life RULES!, except the opening sequence is a bit long.

Tell me about it:

[black mesa transport system] welcome to the black mesa transport system... (30hrs later) ...Current topside temparature is... (10hrs later) ...please stand back from the automated doors and wait for the security guard to verify your identity.

*shoots the aformentioned security "guard" (hope that wasn't SM)*

Hey, don't remind me. I had to be limited to Quicksaves only because my friend with the PS2 had no memory cards. *quotes entire sequence from memory*

I'm so glad you put the power back on....it was almost starting to get cold in my office.



~a few moments later~