h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The phrase "The Universe is picking on me." was first said to me by a friend in 1983. Even though this friend had some extraordinarily bad things happen to him, he still took most of it in stride and remained cheery. I really miss him, especially the "Oh, I'm only mildly radioactive today. And, yourself?".

The subject of bad luck and paranoia came up the other night while I was talking to a friend. She said she could not tell sometimes which of those two it was that was bothering her. I told her the Universe was picking on her. At that she breathed a sigh of relief and said "Oh, well that's ok, then.".

Then, we began making a list....

How to determine if the Universe is Picking on you or not:

Have you had malaria (more than once and after having all the proper immunizations to travel to the tropics)?

Did you ever break any bones from tripping on a wheelchair ramp?

Has a stop sign ever snuck up behind you and hit you very hard?

Did you ever stay up late typing a term paper for a deadline only to have the teacher add two more weeks the very next morning?

Malaria? Nope, not even once. I like this arrangement, and do *not* want it changed.

Most of my broken bones have been somebody else's fault. The universe never entered into it. My sister (broken arm) and that bicycle rider (broken elbow) were not in cahoots witrh the universe.

Stop signs do like to hide behind branches, but I've never had one sneak up on me from behind and hit me. They're just signs...

I wrote my last term paper in the late 1970s. At that time, there were dinosaurs and glaciers, none of whom bothered to require papers.

The malaria episodes were experienced by the same friend that was *lost* in Africa.

It was a relative of mine who broke their arm while walking up a wheelchair ramp.

The stop sign waylaid our band director. He so very much deserved it too.

The bit with the term paper, that was me.

There are lots more examples of the universe toying with people.