h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I own a lot of hats. And I mean a LOT. I've lost mnay hats over the years- left on trains, in hotel rooms, in pubs after one too many beers but still, I have a truly stupid number of hats.

While trying to find my Chicago Cubs hat today, I decided to do an inventory of my hats. Just to see quite how out of hand my obsession is. So here, broken down by hat type, is my hat inventory

BUSH HAT (1)
England Cricket Team, bought in 2003-ish, at an England v Zimbabwe test match in Chester le Street

BIG STUPID FLOPPY TOP HATS (2)
Australian flag with Fosters Logo- obtained by drinking five bottles of fosters ice on Australia Day in Lancaster Walkabout
Union Flag- Don;t remember how I got this one.

TRILBIES (3)
Black Corduroy Trilby- my first trilby, can't remember why I bought it, or from where, but it is my default poker hat, and my "going out" hat when I have long hair.
Pinstripe trilby, bought from Debenhams to go with my suit for a wedding in 2011
White trilby- bought from Blue Inc to match a white suit c.2009

PORK PIE (1)
A black Porkpie hat from H&M, my "going out" hat when I have short hair (hat too tight to wear over long hair)

WOOLY HATS (4)
Classical black New York Yankees Bronx-style hat
Blue beanie with Lancaster City logo- the non-league football team I support
Dark blue beanie with Gillingham FC logo- the team my Grandmother and later grandfather used to go and watch, and whom I once watched while very, very cold on Boxing Day protected from the elements by the hat
Heart of Midlothian FC- another purchase on a very, very cold boxing day

MILITARY CAP (1)
A navy blue military style cap with the logo of Australian band THE CAT EMPIRE on it. A replacement for a previous hat, a green version of the same, which I left on a train.

BASEBALL CAPS (football teams) (3)
Everton FC- the Premier League football team I support
Lancaster City FC- as above.
FC Cartagena- Spanish third division football team. A friend went to watch them a few months ago while on holiday, and boguht me the hat as a present. I actually own shares in another Spanish third division football team, Real Oviedo, but do not, as yet, own one of their hats.

BASEBALL CAPS (cricket teams) (6)
Worcestershire CCC- a green cap with brown peak, and the club logo on the front
Worcestershire Royals- the same team, but with their snazzy nickname for one day cricket. Black cap with ROYALS written in gold on the front, and gold trim on the peak.
England- A navy blue cap with red trim, and the England Cricket Board logo on the front. Bought at the Oval in 2011.
West Indies- I've always had a soft sport for the West Indies, and I love their badge featuring stumps on a desert island. On this hat, the badge is mounted on a simple maroon background.
Netherlands- I love the fact that the Dutch play cricket, and back in 2003 was desperate to find a Dutch cricket shirt or hat online. i didn't find one then, but stumbled on a cap from the 2009 T20 on eBay a couple of years back, and snapped it up. Bright orange. And I mean BRIGHT
Australia- As bright a yellow as the Dutch one is orange, it's a cap from the 1999 World Cup bought in a Llandudno sports shop, and is the oldest hat in my current collection.

BASEBALL CAPS (other sports) (4)
Team GB olympic cap- purchased in the shop at Wimbledon while attending the 2012 Olympic tennis. White with blue/red/blue adidas stripe on the peak, and team badge and olympic logo on the front
Carolina Hurricanes Ice Hockey- Souvenir from a game I attended in 2009 in Raleigh, NC between the Hurricanes and the NY Rangers. Black with red trim.
US Open Tennis- bought this one at Flushing Meadow when I went to the 2007 US Open. off white
NY Knicks basketball- bought when I went to a game at madison Square Garden in january last year, blue with orange trim.

BASEBALL CAPS (actually baseball teams) (9)

My favourite of my hats are the baseball caps, all souvenirs of games I've been to.

NEW YORK YANKEES: I have two, both with the classic interlocking NY badge. one navy blue and fitted, the other khaki and adjustable. The first bought at new Yankee Stadium in 2010, the second from the Old Stadium in 2007.

WASHINGTON NATIONALS: The only time I've ever been in the same stadium as a serving head of state. Barack Obama threw out first pitch, emaning I had to go through airport style security to get in. After the scanners though, was a man from GEICO giving out sponsored elasticated caps, which saved me some money. red,w ith a stylised W on the front, and the GEICO logo on the back.

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES: I went to two matches when I was in Philadelphia and, given you can't bring cheesesteaks back on a flight, the red adjustable cap with the slogan PHILLIES 1883 PHILADELPHIA is the best souvenir I have of the trip

CHICAGO WHITE SOX: The first ballpark I went to was Shea Stadium, home of the Mets. Didn't buy a hat. On the same holiday, I went to watch the WHite Sox in Chicago, and the bold black hat with white SOX logo on front has been with me ever since 2006.

CHICAGO CUBS: My second visit to chicago was this year, and I went to the Cubs opening home game of the season, and bought a game-style blue cap (adjustable, rather than fitted like those the players wear) with bold red C logo on the front.

BROOKLYN DODGERS: The Brooklyn Dodgers moved to LA in the 1960s, but their spirit remains in the shop of the Brooklyn Cyclones minor league team, where I bought not just a Cyclones jersey and small statue of jackie Robinson and PeeWee Reese, bur also a fitted, retro Dodgers hat- blue, with Brooklyn written in cursive script on the front, a thing of beauty

ATLANTA BRAVES: I only stayed in Atlanta for 1 day en route to Chattanooga. On checking into our motel while I wore a basbeall cap (the Brooklyn one, I think), the receptionist asked my friend and I if we were going to the Braves game that night. We replied that althought we hadn't realised they were playing, we were going now she'd mentioned it. Within hours I was at Turner Field wearing a navy blue cap with a red letter A using a tomahawk as the line across the middle of it.

CHATTANOOGA LOOKOUTS: Minor LEague baseball in Chattanooga was alovely experience, as was everything about the city. the Lookouts are a AA affiliate of the LA Dodgers, and from here I got an elasticated blue cap with the magnificent logo of two cartoon eyes looking off to the side from their position in the middle of a red letter C.

I make that 34 hats. That's too many, isn't it?

No, though possibly sufficient.

A what point do you suspect they might be excessive?

When their combined mass is such that they spontaneously collapse into a superdense black hole.

It's impossible to have too many souvenir baseball hats.

Egon, let me know if you ever find yourself at the Jersey Shore. I'll take you to a Lakewood Blue Claws minor league game.