h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There was once a little girl who had a kitten. It was a fairly inconsequential kitten. It wasn’t quite white, it wasn’t quite fluffy, and it had a somewhat vulgar pink bow about its neck. For a little girl who wanted to train elephants, though, it was a start.

The little girl lived in the end house of a row of three. In the house next-door, there lived a rather strange old man. In the house next-door to that lived another old man, and to tell the truth he was rather strange as well.

One day, the kitten found its way into the next-door garden, much to the annoyance of the first strange old man. His name was Mr Hay, and he was fastidious about his vegetables, all growing in neat and tidy rows. “Get that cat out of my garden!”, he snapped. “It shouldn’t be here!”

In fact this was the first thing that Mr Hay had ever said to the little girl, and she was understandably upset by this rudeness. She picked up her kitten, and was about to beat a hasty retreat from Mr Hay’s garden when she saw someone peering over the fence beyond. It was the occupant of the further house, who was called Mr Bee.

“Don’t worry about Mr Hay, little girl”, said Mr Bee. “He’s bad tempered, and he doesn’t approve of children, unless they’re unnaturally well behaved”.

The little girl found herself liking Mr Bee instantly. “Would you like to see my kitten?”, she asked.

Mr Bee looked at the kitten closely. “Oooh - this is a very interesting creature”, said Mr Bee. “I think I should explain some things to you. You see, I could show you how it works. We could put it to sleep, nail it down onto a little board, slit it open and inspect its insides”.

The little girl ran screaming back to her own house, and clutched her pet defensively all the time after that. Before long, her family decided to leave the area and were never heard from again.

THE END (of the Pier Revue - Part 7)

D**n you Seal Boy, I can not let such a pearl pass without notice.

There should be a rule that all conversations should start with a pleasant greeting no matter how much you intend to berate the other party -- it does not cost anything to say good day first.

Mr. Bee on the other hand has no hope of redemption, at least in my strange little world!

FS

FS - it's lovely to see you. I feared you'd gone Kingwise.

As the story suggests, both the pearls and the swine can sometimes be worthless.

Pin

Allegory? Allegory? Did someone say allegory?

(Well, I liked the cat anyway!)

m

Some things are spoiled by too much analysis.

The list of such things just happens to contain everything I love.

Dear majestic Pinniped, my fine flippered fiend! It's been aeons since I've dared post anything to you, yet this little nugget fairly begged for response.

The whole treatise makes for such an enticing short tale, and I believe you've captured the essence of it, much as Poe would have done if he'd had the time and sensibility to tackle such a subject. Your characterizations were particularly evocative and I loved your use of your trademark plot twist to show Mr. Bee's true colors just before any harm could come to the little cat. [Nice save: from one who likes felines.]

Just one final question for you? Did you pen this as a case of "Hay, Bee, Else Corpse Puss"?

B4youfindwhatelsethecathasdraggedin

Wo B4

You shouldn't be shy. Contrary to popular myth, I don't bite.

As md realised, it's allegorical. Only I couldn't possibly say what about.

The Hays are insufferable, but the Bees are worse. The cat was going to be a rabbit (making more sense alongside Hay's vegetables), only I couldn't think of a title.

As for the final question, I didn't. In fact it took me half the bottle to work out what you meant. Very neat, though.

See you around sooner

Pin

(Took me a bit more than half the bottle. Then I couldn't stop laughing long enough to finish the rest!)

*off to look for a bottle*

A little twenty year old homebrewed damson brandy goes a looong way . Got it.

Hi Pin, no I have never left the building, but the demands of RL have cut down my postings .

Although I am still officially working freelance, I have been doing so 40 miles away from home; that is about 45 minutes going and an hour and half returning home; for the last 18 months. this leaves an hour or so each day to read, but far too little time to post as much as I would like. I just need to force myself to participate more, but it is so easy to say I'll reply tomorrow -- and that tomorrow never quite seems to come.

It is good to watch you and all the others I have come to respect carry on and I'll try to jump back in. At least from time to time.

from across the pond
F S

Cats cause more problems for gardeners than pet rabbits and are much more common place roaming around the neighbourhood. The cat was the more sensible choice for your episode.
There is also the guy who says nothing at all to the little girl and just puts down 'fox oil' as a cat repelant.