h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am keen to write a collaborative, light hearted entry on how people should behave whilst on public transport.

I commute to and from work and there are certain activities which make my journey less enjoyable, lets stamp them out. A few area to think about are:

Mobile phones with jolly tunes, mobile phone users who use the line "I'm on the bus/train" in a loud voice, people who give their bags a seat and people who sit at an angle thereby taking up some of your space.

They are the annoying points, some of the funny parts we could create etiquette for are:

People who are returning home after a night of passion in their fancy evening wear during rush hour or people drunk during evening rush hour.

What makes you laugh or makes you frown. Let me know.

What's funny is some of the things people end up taking on public transport, cos they just have to be moved somehow. I once did a two hour train journey with (amongst other junk) wooden collapable rack for drying clothes. Not that I'm complaining, since it started a conversation with the very attractive young lady opposite me...

I think you should include the rather irritating practice of 'attempting to get onto the bus, as passengers are trying to get off'. Now (and I know I'm probably not going to be popular for saying this) I tend to find that the culprits are usually the old folk...

I think another pet peeve is, when you have a someone get on a crowded bus carrying a small baby, and no-one (in the first few rows) offers a seat. I don't understand how they can comfortably sit there whilst someone struggles to remain standing with their little 'un in their arms.

On the same note, watching people (usually mothers), struggle to hold a child and get a pushchair on/off a bus, is something that passengers seem to enjoy.

I realise I sound like a whinging old trout, but I feel these things should be pointed out.


Our thoughts are one.

Oh and...

I think we should come up with a kind of rota system for the 'weirdo' who is ALWAYS heading in the same direction as me... You know, so that everyone on the bus has a turn of sitting next to the 'strange one'... I mean I don't see why I should always have all the fun

Oh and also....

I think we should introduce a strict 'No Garlic' policy... I'm sure I don't need to elaborate on that one...


I think I should sit and have a think about some of the funnier aspects of public transport....I seem to have lots to say about the downsides...


Our thoughts are one.

I'm with you on all counts.

One of these days I will publish my very contraversial idea of "Old Person Curfew During Rush Hour".

The garlicky one is probably me, sitting in my haze of stench oblivious to anyone elses problems as I cannot smell it.

I appologise for myself and all other garlic lovers who stink up the public transport systems of the world.

So it's you that makes me wish my sense of smell was (er) broken (?!?)(Dunno where that came from - having a can't think day).

I see you refrained from commenting on the 'weirdo' post - possibly because you're the culprit there too?? I was thinking we could have a ticket system (you know like at the deli counter at Asda), so we can all take turns to sit in my seat and be mumbled at.


Our thoughts are one.

I was about to mention the garlic problem (being a garlic lover myself), but this base is already covered. Usage of mobile phone has been covered in other entries which would only need to be linked.

Oh, before we continue... This is the Writing Workshop and this means there should be an entry to talk about (or post amendments to). I recommend you create the entry and a new posting in the style

Axxxx - TheTitle

after that, we would move over to the other thread

Hmm... what about other gaseous emissions, silent or not?

I hope that I have this correct.

I have added an entry at:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A617168

There is no content to the document, so my first thread will be a discussion on how the document will be written, see you all over there.

Well, the idea is that you start with some basic wording about why etiquette is useful as such etc.. and perhaps start with a few points that were already mentioned

Next thing is to create a new thread in the **Collaborative Workshop** at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/Writing-Beginners (it's a misnomer ), under the header:
A617168 - Public Transport Etiquette

A good idea is to put an advert into your name. Just see mine for reference

A few random ideas:

The public transport of Munich forbids the usage of mobile phones within their busses (trains and trams notwithstanding). They reacted to customer complains. On a related note, using a mobile while in close vicinity to the carrier of a heart pacemaker is not a good idea anyway, as the latter are advised to keep at least 1m away from mobiles.

Yielding seats to the elder. Should be done but seen with decreasing frequency.

Smells (other than garlic and flatulae): sweat and excessive use of perfume.

Where you should be looking and where not. People are keeping a 'cultural distance' from each other. In Western countries this distance amounts to some 1..1.5m, and less only if there's a close personal relationship (just watch people at parties). Within a bus/train, this distance cannot be kept, hence people are trying to ignore each other by looking out the window, staring at their feet or into the newspaper. Looking into their faces is perceived as something offensive and may even result in an aggressive reactions.

(more of them to follow when I can think of them )

I know exactly what you mean by by keeping 1 - 1.5 m distant, this bizzare effect happened to me this morning, a woman was push into my personal "envelope" by no fault of her own and I was not happy.

So I guess it wasn't a supermodel then

No she wasn't, but even if Elle McPherson was in my space, I would give her a very stern look indeed.

On another note, has anyone got anything to say about passengers suffering repeated buffetings from readers of broadsheet newspapers?

My example was of someone unable to control their paper constantly dropping it over the book I was reading.

On the other side of the coin, do we need an entry against people who read newspapers over people shoulders.

(Are my entries understandable, am I using too many British colloquialisms)

'buffeting' isn't in my dictionary, but the rest seems to be common voocabulary. 'People who read newspapers over peoples shoulders' sure is a point to include! Likewise, people who make suggestions (without being asked) when others are doing the crosswords.

I just thought you should now that in some state in the U.S you can't go in to public places within 2 hours of eating Garlic. Plus for those of you (like me)who are a big fan garlic pasley is this way to go this will help freshen up your breath afterthat trip to the pizza parlour. As for pther thinngs that realy get me is people trying to get onn the train etc. before those who want to get off have the chance think about it if people let those who want to alight go first then there will be room for those who wish to travel. Come on this is very basic stuff here. Any way I do think that there is some law some where that sayes that you must let people alight before get on yourself.

Oh here is one that might make people think those who jump on the train/tube(mainly) and London buses right at the last minute, getting trapped in the doors there for the train can't go delaying everyone or getting themselves hurt there by also delaying everyone. I won't go in to to many details about that though but think about it.

What states?

That is excellent. You know that civillisation is in safe hands when ludicrous laws like that are passed. Do our leaders really have nothing better to do?

My favourite British law is that all taxi drivers must carry a bushell of horse fodder on their vehicles at all time. The punishment for this is death by hanging. Harsh but fair I say.

As to the mobile phones: carriers of heart pacemakers are advised to keep a minimum distance of 1m from any mobile phone. So if the person at your side starts to look annoyed while you're having a call, they might have good reason!

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