h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry for my lack of involvement recently - I am reading a lot but don't get to post much these days.

Am currently busy trying to work out the difference between post-natal depression (requiring treatment) and feeling miserable (possiblt just self-indulgence and requiring cheering up).

I found one website that gave a list of about 8 things and said you had to have five of them for it to be PND, well, I had three and a half, so am probalby just wallowing in my own crapulence.

On the other hand they didn't have 'Keeps bursting into tears the whole time, sometimes in inappropriate and embarrassing places' as one of the 8 symptoms so I don't know what to make of that.

Also they listed 'Fatigue'. Of course I am fatigued, I haven't had more than five hours of sleep in any 24 hour period for nearly five months How do I tell the difference between normal fatigue and fatigue due to PND?

Anyhow, I am still here, and still reading.

Am just a bit sad.

Hope you can cheer up soon Kelli have some !

I owuld say if you are in *any* doubt at all that you might be suffering from PND then see a Doc asap.

I have often supported new mothers (you can imagine in a call centre many of my members are young women) and things like this can get worse if you let them slide. Far better to seek help and advise early.

I know that virtually everyone I know who has suffered from any similar sorts of problems almost invariably benefit from speaking about them to someone they don't know. I cannot reccomend highly enough going and speaking to some one like your doc.

Get well soon!

I think you could do worse things than see a doc, even if you mandate to him that you don't want treatment if at all possible, but could use a check-up.

I know it's not easy with a sprog, but have you got something that will get you out of the house and busy from time to time? Even if it's something prosaic like needlework or gardening, that's better than letting your mind dwell on things.

B

And when I say needlework and gardening, that's not to suggest that you are suddenly middle-aged and domesticated.

They just happen to be a couple of things that recent new-mother friends of mine have suddenly got heavily into. I realise that they're not exactly magical sources of enjoyment for most.

B

I agree--it certainly can't hurt to go see someone. Even if you find that you don't have PND, that'd be one worry less. If nothing else, you've had a very rough time so far

I second Ferrettbadger. Either you're just (I say 'just', but as we alas know there's nothing 'just' about it) utterly exhausted, sleep-deprived, and still getting over a traumatic birth (which does take months and months) and having to deal with a rather demanding baby, whereapon the doctor should be able to reassure you and suggest helpful, err, suggestions, or you really are getting depressed, in which case you need help and the doc will give it to you. You mustn't keep struggling alone. Why on earth should you suffer? You don't deserve it, and there's no reason to let things get really unbearable before you go for help.

Caveat: If your doctor is the one who was rather unsympathetic about poor baby's reflux, don't go to him, though. Last thing you need is someone who doesn't trust your instincts.



I hope you feel better soon, and get some more sleep.

I agree with the others, Kelli. You need someone to talk to about this. Hope you get some rest soon. Just being exhausted will make you sad and weepy and react strongly to everything.

i had awful PND and... well, it wasn't diagnosed until #2 was about 5

Please go to your OB/GYN (or whatever you have in the UK) and talk to someone about it

Please go and see someone even if just to reasure yourself like all the others have said

It's worth getting it checked out - J is being assessed for various things that he won't let me mention on here at the moment, and I've been through loads of checklists on the internet. These are the 'must have at least one symptom from each section' type, and there's always at least one section he never has. But the doctor told me that he definitely is still worth checking out, even though he doesn't seem to fit exactly.

Maybe it's like that for you?

I think it's better to at least know - I had a friend with PND after we both had our babies in the same year and she never told me. I just thought she was pissed off with me for some reason because she sounded so unenthusiastic when I called her, as if I was being a nuisance, and started seeing her less and less - went from once a week visits to about every six weeks (because at least if I left it that long she sounded pleased to hear from me!), right when she could have done with a friend and some support.

I keep wanting to ask how your dogs are - but didn't want to drag you online if you were too busy, especially when you have other things to cope with!

Dear Kelli
Sorry I've only just seen this. Please go and cry in front of someone professional.We're all happy to go on being shoulders, but it does sound as though you need more than cheering up. With love

Only just seen this as well...



Agree with all the 'go see someone' remarks. It may turn out to be 'just' tiredness and whatnot but at least if you see a doctor you'll know for sure.

Have you heard of FlyLady? Some American bint started off a website that has gotten huge, but it's really good. Whenever I'm reminded of it and nip back to have a look, it always cheers me up and gets me moving. Some people are cynical about it, but those sort of people are cynical about anything!

Anyhoo, have a look, it can't hurt, and it might help
http://flylady.net/index.asp

I haven't read the whole conversation, so apologies if you're already cheered up! If not, put some choons on, asap. Things that'll raise the heart rate. (Not the Hoolio Islegas way, the speed you up and get you moving way.)

Well, hope that helps. I'm off to drag a tv out of the car; I had realised the reason I don't cook as much as I should is that I get bored stiff chopping vegetables whilst staring at the wall, so I want a small tv in the kitchen. Mentioned this to a workmate and she had one in her garage sitting around which she gave me for free! But when I saw it.... we're talking 1970s portable tv... heauge with many buttons on the side, proper black line around the screen with wood panelling round the box! It's not that I'm ungrateful, I'm very grateful, I just don't know if I'll get it on top of the cupboard without ending up wearing it as a hat!

Turra!

Oh, and go and see someone! What's worse, being embarrassed about blubbling in front of the doctor, or spending unknown time longer just being.. bleaurgh?

Trying to be upbeat, cuz I'm feeling boogieriffic today! FlyLady motivation and CHOOOOOONS!

Oh, and the second post was made after I'd read the rest of the conversation.. it may make more sense now.

Bf reckons I blab too much sometimes.. me, I don't know, maybe it's because...(etc.)byeeeeeee!

Hi everyone, thanks for the messages of support. I do really appreciate them even if I don't reply very quickly.

My blues are back again and I definitely think it is hormonal as it gets better then worse then better then worse. Don't think there is much that can be done about that so will just have to wait and hope it settles down again soon.

I'm getting more sleep these days as The Boy is now usually only waking once in the night rather than two, three or more times so that is good, but I thought that would make the days easier to cope with and it doesn't really.

He still cries a lot, and I don't know what to do to make him happy. I check everything (not wet, not hungry, not too hot/cold) but it doesn't help - he seems to need me playing with him all the time but even son he'll cry for a lot of that time. Usually it is because he is tired but it is nearly impossible to get him to sleep well in the daytime (except his morning nap which is getting more reliable) and if he doesn't get a good nap after lunch he just screams the entire afternoon. This is worse when we are out and about unless I'm walking long distances when he usually drops off.

I always thought I'd be ok as a mummy, but I am just rubbish at it. If I knew (it seems instinctive for tohers) how to help him he'd be much happier, but I don't. I hate this life, and sadly it is the only thing I've ever done that can't be undone. Much as I love The Boy, and I *do* love him, I hate feeling so helpless and useless. I'm so jealous of practically all my friends who, although have had difficult times, seem to cope better and have a much easier time than me. It is probably because I'm doing something wrong though, or perhaps it is the same for all of them and I'm just not handling it as well.

Very disappointing to look forward to something for so long and then find it is awful. We do have some nice times, but half an hour of being smiley is soon undone by two hours of wailing.

I hate failing (who doesn't?) but this whole experience has felt like a whole series of failures. I can't get anything right.

And I'm lucky.

I have a good group of people around me who I see a lot. Without them I'd have totally lost the plot by now.

Anyhow, I'm even boring myself with this constant complaining so it must be really tedious for all of you.

No doubt I'll be back to whinge again soon...

A friend of mine had two children and they were little angels. They were well behaved, they did everything at the age they were "supposed" to, and gave nobody any trouble. My friend really thought she was the best mother in the world.

And then the third child came along. She was angry and difficult and refused to do anything except cry. My friend suddenly realised that she wasn't a better mother than anybody else - it was just that the first two children were easy to please.

If your baby cries all the time, it is not your fault. It's the child's nature, and he will definitely grow out of it eventually. Hopefully, soon.

This may be the only thing you've ever done which can't be undone, but it's not that difficult a job - all it requires is all of your time. Unless you're an alcoholic, you can't do too much to harm your child. He will grow up and you'll get your life back, never fear.

You'll even want another one.

You're not a rubbish mummy... and unless you specifically neglect The Boy you never will be.

As Gnomon said each child is different. I was a little angel as a baby (though I'm not nowadays ) whereas my brother was a little terror... things will sort themselves out sooner or later.

It sounds to me like The Boy simply has a difficult temperment, which you can do *nothing* about and is in *no* *way* your fault. I'll admit that I haven't known you as long or as well as others who have and will comment, but even I can tell you that you aren't a horrible mother. If you were, you wouldn't care if you were or not. From the sound of things, if you weren't a good mom (as opposed to simply a not-bad one) then it's quite possible that, simply out of frustration, The Boy may have been shaken badly or something (and it's amazing how hard it was to say that last bit)