h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: My Slimy Valentine - A47183457
Author: Danny B. [Musicians' Guild (U150368); Science EXplained (A4108330); Curator; Scavenger] - U182633

It's my first time in here...

Anyway, this is my Entry for Round 3 of The Stretcher (A46828948). The judges said "You can write it in any style you like", so I'm just hoping doggerel counts

To any AWW regulars who might be reading, I'm submitting this here only for The Stretcher; it's not intended as a submission to the UG and will be removed as soon as voting is finished on this round

Ms GB

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You had me up to the last line.

The conceit is a pleasant one. I like the references to modern life, dating practices, other boyfriends, etc. Cool.

Somehow, 'he was just a frog' lets us down. I'm not quite sure why. Pricking the bubble is a good idea. Maybe there's another way to say it?

What if he turned into a young man, but just looked dorky?

it's cute and neatly done. Dmitri's suggestion's a good one though.

This is fun . Like Dmitri, I like the contemporary take on a fairy tale.

I agree with the others that the end is a bit too abrupt. I feel it needs another line or two.

Hi All - thanks for your kind comments

Interesting that you should pick out the last line - that was the first thing I wrote, and the rest of the poem was written with the aim of reaching that line. I suppose the obvious way to change it would be to complete the since/prince rhyme in the last line, and then add another parenthetical rhyming couplet - along the lines suggested by dmitri - as in the previous verses.* Off the top of my head: (The guy was such a geek; I dumped him in a week).

*Stanzas? Stanzae? Or is stanza the plural of stanzum? Poetry - it really isn't my thing...

Anyway, thanks for dropping by!

This suggestion sounds about right to me.

That sounds right to me, too.

About that being the first line you wrote: that happens to me all the time. I'll start with an idea - prose or poetry - work it all the way around, and when I get to the starting place, it's changed.

That always delights me, someway. Feels like I really got somewhere then.

That really bobs along nicely - AND it's funny. Very good

Great finale. And a lovely tale

I like the new ending better.

Yes, that's a great end!

Thanks everyone!

A good giggle , and I like the rhyming structure.

Froggles! *looks at the ceramic froggy moneybox on the desk*

I like this took me a couple of readings to get the meter right, but its good.

mini

Very funny and witty.