h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

An inspired thought, but the wrong species.

Are we talking about pictures of the Queen, so it's perhaps stamps or, more likely, coins? Do you stick a coin somewhere to stimulate or to sustain an erection?

Do I actually want to know?

TRiG.

The secretions of the queen ant are used as the basis for a well known chemical assistant for gentlemen who are flops in the bedroom.

Allegedly?

Are you talking about royal jelly?

In reverse order.

Not Royal Jelly.

or Queen Ant Secretions.


But Yes, stamps. TRiG +3

Go to a gynaecologist - Dr... I

"It's quite alright sit down - take five of these are call me in the morning."

Now why?

Mail order viagra, with the Queen's head on the stamps.

Nope.

Is it that thing where you wrap a perforated strip of stamps round your little chap before you go to bed and the loop should be broken in the morning? Men's members normally tumefy during REM sleep so the stamp test can prove that impotence problems are psychological rather than physiological.

Exactly. +3

The Queen is used as a diagnostic tool to sort out the physiological from the psychological.

It's more cost-effective that a battery-powered electric collar.


Though naturally, there's a market for those too....

"Is it that thing where you wrap a perforated strip of stamps round your little chap before you go to bed and the loop should be broken in the morning? Men's members normally tumefy during REM sleep so the stamp test can prove that impotence problems are psychological rather than physiological."

Well that's me jiggered then. Not only is it not just psychological, I woke up in a sorting office!

Pebble, what you do in the sorting office between the hours of dark is between you and your god.

I wouldn't like to be between Pebble and his god. Or if I was, I'd like to choose which way I was facing.

prostrate?

QI - Arise.
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Correct (+3)
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TRiG (22) - "stamps"
Van Smeiter (28)- "Of Monarchs and Little chaps."



QI Bonus (+6)
------------------------
Pebble (2) - "duelling"


DGI Bonus (+1)
------------------------

None Awarded

Klaxon (-5)
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None Awarded


Elf Bonus (+2)
------------------------
Clive.




Total to be added or subtracted.
------------------------

Pebble +6
TRiG +3
Van Smeiter +3
Clive +2

So that's high tea with The Queen at Sandringham for our winner Pebble - will he be able to look her in the face?

Joint second place to TRiG and Van, who as special treat get to escort Prince Philip around the chambers of Lawyers for The Easily Offended in the company of the hit pop band Dusky-skinned Cannibals and The chair-woman of The Federation for One-legged Squinty-Eyed Midgets. /

Coming last I get to flee the royal assassins on squads of motorcyclists disguised as paparazzi:









"Put your foot down man - we can loose them in this tunnel!"

>we can loose them in this tunnel<

lose










(very quiet rant)

"Preview!" they said, "Preview!" But did I listen?