h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

excellent entry! bad poetry opens up a whole new world to those lacking the element of boredom. what i mean is that i think that bad poetry is so much more fun than good ones which make even skydiving seem *yawn* boring. makes you just want to go to sleep.

inspired by your entry, i came up with one about my dog, TRO.

TRO

he's got his head on my pillow;
reminiscent of an armadillo.
he's made a pool,
of his drool.
shall push him off;
but wait! i need to cough.
will resume now;
man, he's heavier than a cow.
okay i guess i lose;
shall go watch the news.


now THAT's really bad peotry

That's very good!

I mean, uh, very bad...

I mean very good at being very bad!

I'm glad you liked it (I actually have no idea how to write good poetry anyway )

This is an excellent and informative article, covering an important life-skill, sadly lacking from many a school syllabus. If I may be permitted to make one small suggestion, you omitted to make mention of that particular sub-genre of bad poetry that makes use of as many long words as possible. For example, here is a poem who's subject is bad poetry itself;

Oh, eponymous and transient cacophonic malevolence!
Why do you motivate my tempestuous disposition so?
I do not embrace your all-becoming omnipotence, and yet
Mine own perpetual essence does suppurate and weep at your non-appearance.
Alas.

Bad poetry devotees and enthusiasts will note that very little was actually said during the five lines of the poem. Also note the mid-sentence line break between lines three and four – always a useful literary technique if one wants to look intelligent and angst-ridden.

By far the best way of writing poetry of this form is to make liberal use of the thesaurus function of your word processor. Just pick the longest word and use that.

I had a pet monkey
Who was very spunky,
I believe she has attention-deficit-disorder
And eats my video cassete recorders
I took her to the veterinarian
Who thought he was a barbarian
Because he had schizophrenia
and was having a neurasthenia
so I ran with my monkey to Albania
but ended up in Mauritania
where we married and danced
and my how she pranced
In fact it was all quite funky.

Beat that!

*sniffle* how beautiful!