h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You know how it is when you lie in bed a lot because it's too hot for anything strenuous?

To keep from going mad, I think of as many names as possible, and try to think of words that will rhyme with them.

Once I have the rhymes, I inevitably think of limericks to go with them.

Tis has given me a good supply of limericks, which I share with you in this journal:


I just threw a coin in the water.
he next thing I knew, Batman's daughter
Emrged form the brine,
Saying,"Will you be mine?
Think quick, or you'll be in hot water."\

My nephew got married to Sonja.
I wrote you, and maybe I'll phone ya.
The truth is that she
Is 103,
And knows everyone in Bologna.

I've written an ode to my mother.
I've stashed it one place or another.
You know how things go
When you get this much snow.
Now I'll do the same for my brother.

I'm leaving my sweetheart, I fear.
She dislikes the fact I drink beer.
I've tried coffee and tea,
But they do not please me.
It's really been such a strange year.

The last thing I told you was wrong.
I'm really not writing a song
'Bout Attila the Hun.
He wasn't much fun,
So here's to a clown named King Kong.

Let's hear it for Donald and Boris.
They work for someone, but not for us.
With such "friends" as these,
Who needs enemies?
They form a redoutable chorus.

Oh, who needs colonoscopies?
They aren't calculated to please,
With laxatives galore,
Bad food, and much more.
When they're over, do festivitier.

I don't know why Wanda was sore.
She told me that I was a bore.
I miss her, I do!
Will he come back to
Me if I can really implore?

I wish that I knew what to eat
In view of the high Summer heat.
A Salad? Some Thai?
An eskimo pie?
Some lovely moussaka from Crete?

I'm waiting for guidance, my dear.
Where should we vacation next year?
The Alps or the sea?
'twill be you and me,
And baby, who is not yet here.

I would love to swim in the Sea.
I'm told it's the best place to be.
Just where? Let's not worry.
There's no need to hurry.
Well, let's choose a Florida Key.

We've come here to celebrate Ralphe,
Who's quite good at cracking a safe.
It just takes a minute,
But there's nothing in it.
You'd think that such failure would chafe!

My life's like an onrushing train.
Those dark clouds? They bring driving rain
And powerful gales.
If my courage fails,
I fear Ill be washed down the drain.

There was a fine lady in Oz
Who feared the great wizard because
His power and might
Made her worry all night.
In fact, this was one of the laws.

My friends, I am running for Mayor
because my opponent's a pear.
This pear should not rule.
I think he's a fool.
His election I just could not bear!

There was a young fellow in Wales
Who often would hike on the trails.
Some mushrooms he found.
They sprang out of the ground,
And filled all the neighboring dales.

My father and mother are gone.
My brother's holed up in the john.
My. sister's a tree.
My nephew's a bee.
What kind of strange world am I on?

A chicken pot pie it shall be.
I'll buy it at the A&P,
Located due South.
So open your mouth,
And just leave the throwing to me.

Dessert? Some say pie, any kind.
Your comfort to please I don't mind.
I'll spare no expense.
A taste thrill immense
I caramel mincemeat I can find.

Brilliant limericks Paul.

Much thanks for your kind sort of praise.
No purebreds are here, only strays.
My serious fare
I may someday air.
For now, I'm in a silly phase.

a man with a tall pointed head
Was regarded by others with dread.
Then, one day at tea,
He was nice as could be,
And after that no one saw read.

I'm sorry these lim'ricks are silly
The one I am writing's a dilly.
It won't deserve fame.
(I'm hiding my name).
I'll say it was written by Billy.

My ship sank. I clung to a raft.
The folks on the shore said, "You'e daft.
We think you'll agree
Our lovely high tea
Is cherished by all those abaft."