h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There's a nasty part of my personality that is competitive beyond what is reasonable. I dove my younger brother around the bend when we were growing up, and he has paid me back. I am sometimes not a good person. I blame my great-grandmother for this. She drove my grandmother to a nervous breakdown. My generation never met her, but my father and his brother grew up with the image of her as a perfectly normal family icon. My father was nine when the Great depression started. All around him, people were miserable, including his mother, but he had such a close bond with his brother that he remembers a wonderful childhood.

Last Thursday I had my first session (by phone) with a clinician to try and get me some behavioral health counseling. Medication is involved, but I need someone receptive that I can talk with, a lot.

My primary care physician is well-meaning, but when he tells me that all my lab results are fantastic, it does me no help. If I'm s healthy, why do I have anxiety attacks and digestive problems? I ruminate endlessly, a sign o depression. If there's anything I could worry about, I worry about it.

I should be writing these things in a journal in my personal space. i will schlep most of this over there right nw

Glad to hear that you were able to speak to the clinician at last

Thinking of you - good to know that the things they can test for are OK, but it is not so easy to test for brain chemicals...

That's good that you have awareness of your tendency to ruminate and be competitive, so I'm sure you will get on well when you have counselling - good to talk indeed.

Keep talking to your journal in h2g2, if it helps - I'm thankful for you sharing your experiences, as I have some experience of similar things (you've been particularly helpful with my food issues) and it is good to know we're not alone with these things.

Hello Paulh! I am up for talks if you need them … here, or by email if you'd like that.

Well said, SashaQ

I'm trying to come up with something more to say, but it's difficult. I have (had) issues myself and I have lived with a wife who suffered from deep depression and sometimes serious psychosis. Long story short. Not sure I will ever see and undertstand the full picture. But I believe I'm as okay now as I will ever be.

Will follow this journal and see if I can find something more useful to come up with in the future, my friend

Awww, you just said that there is at least one person who has it worse than I do.

I didn't mean to leave that impression, paulh. It would sound like me belittling your challenges. I don't.

I truly believe I'm in an okay place now. I hope you will get there too.

Thanks.

It's quite simple really: Even if other people also have problems doesn't make your problems go away.

I could also say: It's nice to be able to count one's blessings but sadly some people feel completely cut off from this ability. In her darkest periods my ex couldn't see any light whatsoever. Everything was gray in gray - on a gray background ...

May your day be filled with sunshine flowers butterflies and birdsong

There are times when that's not enough.

I know