h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Crossbridge went to his office. Peregrine and Sibyl compared notes on what Marduk was like during their brief visits to it. Joseph had a huge grin on his face. Faun looked nervously out the window at some trees behind the Institute. He frowned as several squirrels watched him; they began approaching, as if to get a better look at him through the window. Caleb and Florence had no idea what was going on, so they sidled over to me.

"You'd think this building would have a protective spell around it to only magicians could see it, Caleb said. "And why isn't this building bigger on the inside than it is on the outside?"

"Maybe the institute isn't using its magic to do that," I guessed. "They may not want to waste magic power. Or, there are large subterranean caverns where the real stuff is hidden."

"I bet Marduk is actually in the basement," Florence said.

"It wouldn't take six months to make a portal into it, then."

"You'd think Marduk would have been detected by telescopes by now, even if it is a long way out in space," Caleb said.

I wondered why there weren't any students in the hallways, but I thought better of it; this was a Sunday afternoon, after all.

Halfway down the hall, Professor Crossbridge opened his office door and called us over. The portal spell was starting to work.

Sorry, that should been "She frowned..." Faun is a woman.

I hope you will gather all 30 postings in one come December. I'd like to read them all in one go

My plan is to compromise: nutshells 1-15 in one guide entry, and nutshells 16-30 in another. That way the full awfulness of my writing/plotting can hit you, the reader, in enough force to knock out whatever sense remains in your head, but by cutting the dose in half, it won't kill you. I hope.

That sounds like a remarkably realistic plan.

You wanted to be able to make links for the use of the Post. Squirrels in bomber planes might be in the script for November 14 or 15, though I don't want to give away too much of the ploti n advance...

I'm going to come clean about the difficulties I face in making this story even remotely plausible.

Here's a link to the author of"The 1th Planet:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zecharia_Sitchin

As Wikipedia explains, scholars and astronomers alike fault Sitchin for mistranslation of ancient Sumerian tablets, and for astronomical assumptions that fall apart.

Yes, there *might* be planets or even small stars orbiting the Sun. One such hyporthesis has a small, dark star called "Nemesis" that orbits the Sun once every 26 million years:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nemesis_(hypothetical_star)

But astronomers seem to think that an orbit as extreme as the one Sitchin claims for Nibiru [aka Marduk] would be so unstable as to fall apart with 12 orbits. Plus, even if such a planet could have an orbit even remotely similar, its inhabitants would be in total darkness at least 99% of the time, rendering survival problematic. If they can barely survive, how will they become more advanced than Earth's inhabitants, who enjoy at least some sunlight every day, not counting those who dwell near the pols?

So, my story is not going to divulge the location of orbit of this other planet. My characters will never get a chance to approach the planet's surface so as to see the sun or stars or anything. Does the star have an atmosphere? Not gonna tell. Can people walk the surface without freezing or frying? Not gonna tell.

In other words, write it like 'Star Trek'.

I could do worse!

What am I, a rocket scientist?

No.

All i know for sure is that the squirrels cannot be outsmarted. Give them computer skills, and watch out universe!