h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's been a special day. I got up early to look at winter storm damage to my lawn, when I found burrows around my backyard shed. Suddenly a family of tiny dinosaurs came tumbling out of the burrows. After 65 million years of being considered extinct, they had reappeared in my yard. Apparently they had been eluding detection all these years, and I was sure to become famous for rediscovering them!

But before I had time to photograph them, I heard my front doorbell ring. It was Elvis Presley in a postman's uniform, delivering three million dollars in cash, care of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. A stretch limousine had pulled up in front of my house to take me to a press conference at Faneuil Hall. Marilyn Monroe and Jimmy Hoffa were also in the limousine, but they begged me to keep their whereabouts secret because they were camera-shy. We dropped them off at a secret government lab at M.I.T. on the way to the press
conference. As they were getting out, they confided that Hitler and Amelia Earhart were waiting there to play bingo with them.

More surprises awaited me at Faneuil Hall. Unbeknownst to me, Publishers Clearinghouse had done genealogical research on my family, and revealed that I was the heir to a vast titled estate in England. Not only that, but I was 276th in line for the throne of England, as well as being pursued for the title role of a movie that was sure to win many Oscars. Assuming, of course, that I wasn't too busy going on fox hunts in my newly-found estate.

Sweetest of all was the moment when I took a tiny dinosaur out of my pocket for the benefit of the cameras. Two billion people worldwide saw the dinosaur, and film clips went viral on YouTube. They even let me sing and dance for the cameras. I hear that the Metropolitan Opera in New York is interested in me for a role in "Die Fledermaus" next New Year's Day. Also, several universities want me to join their faculties as a professor of evolution, if I have the time.

After the press conference I met a doctor who wanted my help in getting money out of Nigeria, but I was too busy boning up on evolution, not to mention rehearsing my lines for the movie and the opera. Maybe another time!

Incredible! You can't make up stuff like this! Congratulations!

Amelia Earhart thanks you. Marilyn thanks you. Elvis thanks you. And I thank you.

I forgot to say "April fool" at the end, but I think most people got the idea.

Irony may occur

What a coincidence! I once knew a cur named Irony.

cannibinolism

It's a great story Paul.

Thanks, Thinker, but I doubt that anyone fell for it.