h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Chapter 23

The ship's hold was almost full of pine cones and saplings as we foraged for a few more, but steam rising from the roots of the One Tree told us an eruption was imminent. I rushed back to the ship with the others. Ulysses and Uncle Floyd were the last to leave the forest, reaching the beach just as a violent tremor shook the island. Floyd was knocked down. Fortunately the sand cushioned his fall, but a strange gadget fell out of his pocket.

I picked it up and marveled at its resemblance to a TV remote. At the top were the words "Wormhole Generator." Below were three buttons, each one labeled: 1. MIT, 2. Times Square, and 3. Maht Surreala.

The ship headed away from the island. We were 200 yards out from shore when the volcano blew the One Tree to smithereens. With prospects of tsunamis and volcanic ash darkening the Sun, I wanted nothing to do with Earth for the time being, so I pressed the button for Maht Surreala. A vast whirling wormhole appeared ahead of us. We increased engine speed to full throttle, but even so we barely got into the wormhole ahead of the shock wave from the volcano.

I was aware of a screaming sound in my ears, as if thousands of voices were in great distress. I thought it was the trees speaking through my headphones, but I wasn't wearing them. I felt an impact as the ship hit the floor of what seemed to be a very large factory. A very good-smelling factory at that! Like a pizzeria. Then I realized that this was where Uncle Floyd and his extra-terrestrial partner had gotten their pizzas from in the 60s. After coming so close to death, I was relieved at the thought that maybe I could sooth my nerves with some tasty pizza and a cool drink.

Then my hopes died as I saw an angry woman glaring at us, her hands on her hips. She began cursing us in a strange foreign language, then her glance fell on the side of the ship. A look of recognition appeared on her face. She turned on her heels and hurried toward what looked like an office against the factory wall.

"This is bad," Uncle Floyd said as he watched her go. "That's Pete Surreal's wife. He must have told her the name of our ship, so now she's going to bring him here to get his revenge. Owen, you should never have brought us here."

"Okay, I admit that a factory floor is an odd place for a ship," I confessed. The angry woman was on her way back to us, accompanied by an older man, probably her husband. "He seems twenty years older than his wife," I said hopefully. "Maybe he won't be able to hurt us too badly."

"You idiot!" Uncle Floyd said. "They were the same age, but twenty years on Earth is the same as six weeks on Maht Surreala. He aged much faster than she did. It has something to do with relativity. Now we'll have to face them. Leave everybody else on the ship except you and me and Ulysses. I will have to disguise myself and hope they won't figure out who I am. Tell them I died in the volcano. Oh, and put me in a wheelchair so they won't think I present any kind of threat."

"And one last thing," he cautioned before we went down the gang plank to our doom, "Steer them away from the ship, whatever you do. They can chase us around the factory if they want, but they are *not* to damage the ship."

How prophetic those words were to become in the next half hour!

Nicely done

it's about to get wackier by several orders of magnitude. Pass the pepperoni, but don't throw too hard .

Great.

I was wondering what to cook for dinner. I am wondering no more. Thanks, paulh

I prefer the extra hot pepperoni with my pizza and lots of toppings of different flavoured cheese, preferably smoked cheeses

[Amy P]

I've figured out how to end the story.

I'm already looking forward to the film and the sequel