h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Chapter 22: Your Father Was Out of This World

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The memorial service for Viola’s father took place in the planetarium on the top floor of the house. Relatives came from far and near to express their sorrow or satisfy their curiosity.

“It’s a pity the rocket went up before your dad finished the space station,” said Cousin Copernicus.

“Space station?” Viola exclaimed. Some amazing things had poured into the Blemnox estate lately, but this was news to her.

“Your father felt that the Blemnoxes should be the first family to have a space station,” Copernicus said.

Then a third cousin once removed wondered if it was true that Great Aunt Fissurelda
had seen Princess Anastasia drive a solid gold Yugo through the raspberries. Viola had no answer for this and was grateful to be rescued by a familiar voice behind her which said, “It was too dark to tell, but the woodchucks know the answer.”

Viola turned around. “Hi, cousin,” she said to Blake.

“I wanted to tell you, but Grandpa wouldn’t let me,” Blake said apologetically as he hugged her.

Viola shrugged. “I figured as much. You‘re a secret agent. If you weren’t good at keeping secrets I’d be a widow by now.

“So this is the planetarium,” Blake said, leading his wife to a corner where there weren’t quite so many people to overhear them.

“It looks different than it did when I visited as a child,” Viola said. “They’ve moved the telescope to make room for the well-wishers. My Dad invented the telescope when he was 17. He claimed to have discovered five planets that nobody else had ever heard of.”

“Maybe they’ll turn up some day,” Blake said.

“Maybe he’ll turn up living on them. I wouldn’t put it past him to survive landing on the asteroid and setting up shop there. Or maybe he’ll come back here.”

The press, armed with advance copies of Viola’s mother’s book, had tried to crash the service, but Uncle Forty had six brawny grandsons who were able to keep most of them out. There was no danger of anyone sneaking onto the estate, as the neighbors had erected tall fences around the perimeter to help them pretend the crazy Blemnoxes weren’t there.

One particularly pushy reporter had gotten through, however. At the moment he was pestering Grandfather about how much he drank -- this issue had been raised in the book. Grandfather was angry at such a question, but Forty came to his rescue. “Melbourne stopped drinking after the vineyards died,” he told the reporter. And if you want to know why they died, you’ll need to ask our website.”

Viola rolled her eyes at this. Forty’s son had set up the website, which was getting thousands of inane questions a day.

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Deb

[Amy P]