h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[The story so far: After telling Jasper to go to his grandparents’ house, Viola tours the house with Grandpa. She sees the Hall of Mirrors and the ceiling murals in the pantry.]

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“How often does Grandma go golfing,” Viola asked Grandpa on the way to breakfast the next morning.

“She doesn’t,” Grandpa replied. “Thinks it’s too boring. But she likes the golf cart, it’s faster than her solar-powered moped. I expect she was on her way to go water-skiing. She’s one of the Gonzo Grannies. They do that every Thursday.”

When Viola got to the dining room, she looked through the window and saw someone walking across a high wire in the yard. Looking closer, she realized that it was Grandma.

“She also likes to walk the tightrope,” Grandpa said diffidently. “You should have seen her when she was younger. She once did it while juggling six cheesecakes in a hurricane. I made her stop juggling cheesecakes after that.”

“Because she got them wet in the rain? Or dropped them?’

“No, they were in waterproof boxes. I just got tired of cheesecakes. It took an awful long time to get them used up. Danger doesn’t faze her. She wanted to be a bomber pilot in the war. They said no; somebody could get hurt. She settled for helping make bombers, like Rosey the Riveter. Still makes a lot of stuff. I’ll show you her workshop.”

Her workshop turned out to be a shed. “She doesn’t make airplane engines anymore,” Grandpa confided. “Just anti-woodchuck missiles.”

Next to the shed was a building with a picture of a lion on it. In front of it were a whip and a chair. Grandpa pushed a button, and a roaring sound began. “So she tamed lions, too?” Viola exclaimed.

“For a while,” Grandpa sighed. “We ran out of money treating the lion for stress. Now she just pretends to tame them, hence the recording.”

When they got back to the house, another bequest of Viola’s father was being delivered. This was a two-passenger supersonic plane, which Grandma had signed for and was now fueling up.

“How on earth will we use a plane?” Viola exclaimed.

“I helped your father make this plane,” Grandma said, opening the cockpit. “I was also the test-pilot. I’m on my way to pick up Jasper. Why should he rattle around in an empty house when he could be here with us?” With that, she used a service road as a runway, and was soon out of sight.

“Come back safely, Amelia Blemnox,” Grandpa said under his breath.

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Deb

[Amy P]

What a rivetting story

I just hope it doesn't bomb at the end.