h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

On the horizon appears a figure holding imaginary reins and trotting towards a big stone castle. Behind the figure trots a man banging 2 halves of coconut shell together in a clip clopping sound.

As the figure reins it's imaginary horse to a halt the clip clopping also stops and it can be seen that the figure is Not King Arthur with the sword Excalibur but a Woman with a stick; Stick.

Hello, is anyone there?

I say old chaps I am a woman with a stick and I'm looking for the Holy Grail Have you seen it anywhere?

<>
Holy Grail? No one here by that name I am afraid...

No, old bean- the Holy Grail isn't a person it's a big cup thingy, and of course, it's holy.

<>
What did she say,
Did who what?
A wholey cup?
I've got a coffee mug, will that do?
Perhaps she means the holy Graile
Oh, maybe,
No, we don't know where the holy Brian is
No, guys, the holy Graile
Oh,
Yes,
Oh,
yes,
No, we don't know where that is either, I don't think Nice hourse you have there, whats its MPG?
Oh, the Holy Graile? Why didn't you say so?
Oh, yes,
Over there I believe?
*points distantly

,scratches head and looks bemused, peers in the direction pointed at>

Where?

What do you mean you don't like spam?
Oh, sorry, wrong scetch?

Hmmm,
You could always try the castle of camlot?

Isn't that where the quest for the grail started from?

(I don't like spam actually- I'm a vegetarian- but I do like lumberjacks )

*slight noise on the breeze
*up wanders :::
Lumberjack!
Oh, the mighty Scots pine, oh,
Hello.
You look as if you are looking for something?

Have you seen the Holy Grail anywhere?

Hmmm

Hmmm, the Holy Grail you say
*ponders

No, Miss, but I am more than willing but probably less than able to folow you on your quest for Holy Grail

sounds as if It may be an interesting quest, but, first I must enter this place to get what I have come for, which is I think something indespensible to your quest or indeed our quest should you let me join you....
*skips and jumps a bit

whatever you say....

I'll be glad to have you along in my quest for the Holy Grail Shut that fanfare up

What a senseless waste of life.

*returns with buttered Scones and and a good sized quantity of Spam
I think its always best to have a good set of supplies for any Quest, would you not agree?
Oh, what happened to the Fan fair guy, poor bloke

Oooh goody buttered scones and even if it is only Tuesday...

I'll give the spam a miss thanks

Mmm I'm quite full now. How about a quick snooze before we set off?

that spam was nice, I know a song about spam; want to hear it? a sleep is a good idea; you can't have a really good quest when you are tired, but, I feel I have to ask, what is this holy graille? I mean any idea what it looks like and where it lives?

How silly of me :: we shall need somewhere to sleep::
*Begins cutting down trees and making a shelter
chop chop chop chop chop chop whistle chop chop chop chop chop shistle chop chop chop thistle chop chop chop chop bristle chop chop chop cop chop chop chop chop chop whistle chop chop chop chop whistle ::
bang bang bang bang saw bang bang bang banf saw saw saw saw saw saw bang bang chop whilstle whistle chop saw cut bang bruise whistle ouch damm chop whistle thing doubry whistle stick chop glue nail gun chop chop chop saw saw whistle munch chop tea chop whistle skip chop saw bang gap bang glue hop saw jump prance chop chop chp chop saw bang bang bang whistle ::
What do you think, I'll make some curtains next::
weeve weeve weee sew sew sew sew cut weeve weebe weee whistle weeve weee sew sew sew sew cut weeve weebe weee whistle weeve weee sew sew sew sew cut weeve weebe weee whistle sew sew chop whistle hop skp skip cow chopw apple whistle chop weeve weee sew sew sew sew cut weeve weebe weee whistle weeve weee sew sew sew sew cut weeve weebe weee whistle
next some beds?

MY you have been busy.Shouldn't we go on our search though?

I know stick some wheels on your shelter and we can take it with us- the horse can pull it. Let's call it ye olde caravanne (this is the time of King Arthur after all).

Now then- what does the grail look like?- Hmmm tricky one.


All I know is that it's holy and everyone goes on quests to find it
does that narrow it down at all?

ahh, good idea, wheels to make it a caravan! Hmmm, not that much narrowed down I fea; any idea which way we should go?
I hear there are strage place s in that direction
*points
but i have never been too far that way, there is talk of it being trecherious and dangerous, but as this is a quest maybe we should hook the hourse up to the caravan and head there?

That way looks good to me - I spit in the face of danger (I have a stick after all).

Let's roll!

Oh dear where's that lumberjack gone?

Looks like I'll have to venture into the deep dark dangerous (and other things beginning with 'd') woods all by myself.

Oh well at least I've got my trusty stick.

*hooks caravan/wood cabin up to hourse and sets off into woods
WEEEEEEEEEE!
this caravan/wood cabin-onwheels is just cutting a large passage throughout the trees!
Ah ha a Woman with a Stick!