h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well hair it is, or is it all it seems?

(metal man)
Standing to side of salon, on hill;"D
amm, did it again; where is that woman for her shampoo and set? Sh*t, its closed!!!"

*Lady of Shallot enters, hair tusled and full of the green, slimy, weedy stuff*

[Lady of Shallot]

We really need to get that camel fixed.

Damn, the salon's shut and would you just look at my hair. Oh, silly us, it's a bank holiday. Well, I'd suggest going elsewhere but I can't go off with hair like this, someone might see me.

[Sandra]

*opens salon*

(Metal man)
"Fear not!"

Metal man cracks and the odd, all-encompasing armour falls gracefully to the ground to reveal;

(Tall handsome Knight minus excessive armour)

"Fear not Lady of Shallot"

Holding aloft the mighty all powerful Key of Salon's;


"shall we enter the Secret Sandra's salon? I still have my towel, and I know where the shampoo is kept, don't forget, just because I am a knight doesn't mean I don't do hair; I did a module in hairdressing in my first semester at Knight (night?) school!"

(Towel)
"Damm, thought I could get through this adventure entirely dry, void of distaster and gunk"

(metal man)
having rather embarisingly replaced odd armour.
"damm didn't see you there Sandra, do you want to handle this one, I could do with a quick cut and shampoo if you have the time also"

(Towel)
"thank bog"

[Lady of Shalott]

*Truly amazed at the wonders of modern packaging*

Wow, if I'd realised dashing knights came in tins I'd have been down the supermarket sooner.

(Metal Man/knight in odd armour)
"I made it myself, it is;
Dragon proof;
Waterproof;
Bug Blatter beast of Trall proof;

Acid-proof;
Evil Witch/Wizzard-proof;
ETC.,ETC.,ETC.,"

"on top of which, it is great for;
Storing my towel in;
Hidding in;
Using as a boat;
Has add-on attachments to transform into Spaceship;
Can be turned into shelter;
ETC.,ETC.,ETC.,"

"and";
"it looks cool!!!"

[SMILE]

(Towel)
"I'me irrilivent as well, ohnest"

(Metal man/knight in amazing armour)
"Might I add how amazing your hair now is?"
"Is it not amazing what the Brilliant Sandra can do?"

(Sandra)
"Yeah, right nice ain't it?"

[Lady of Shalott]

Dare I say it? With hair like this I could.. rule the world.

*Shakes long golden locks, which now have the power to stun knights at forty paces and make everyone else freeze, staring and saying, "wow, look at her hair"*

(Cammel)
"Hummpph"

(Metal Man/knight in odd armour; minus odd armour+really amazing stunning clothes)

Walks out from salon; brushes newly cut, newly washed and styled, hair, ripples muscles;

"wow!!!"

heart is weakened and turns to jelly, at sight of beautiful hair that is before him, and the beautiful princess? to which it belongs;
Knight falls to his knees before beautiful Lady, and kisses her hand;

"my lady"

Knight disappears

Only too shortly return, and again grasp the hand which has not moved in the pseudo-nanoseconds he was away;

Knight holds, and offers bucket of sand
to the lady...

But; Sand that is (almost) as goldon as that of the beautiful hair of the lady that stands before him

(cammel)
Turns away

[Lady of Shalott]

Oh, good, sir Knight.

*Gives a girlish giggle*

Let us away to see what bold adventure awaits us. Why, with your rippling muscles and good haircut, and my flowing locks we could (dare I say it)... rule the world.

Sand?!!!

(Sir Knight of the rippling muscles and good haircut)

"Why, my Lady of shalott, I quest far over distant kingdoms and lands to find something as golden-beautiful as your golden hair (new hairdo!), I am sorry that you belittle my gift"

Knight gives boyish sob to attempt to gain attention, sympathy and pitty...

"But here Lady of Shalott, come apon my hourse"

Knight (nice hairdo) turns to face;

(Cammel)
"Oh, no you don't!"

(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and good haircut)

Majic...
Blue smoke [not too much though]
Small sparcks of dazzeling light [not too dazzeling though]

Cammel becomes;

Large powerful gracious;

(Hourse)
"neigh"

(Sir knight and so on)
"come"

Jumps on hourse, grasping waist of Lady of Shalott (Still giggling!), and places her on hourse as well...

(hourse)
"You two don't weigh much!!!"

[Lady of Shalott]

The sand was good. The best gifts are the original ones, I get fed up with being given gold and jewels and fine silks. No-one ever thinks to give you the storage space to put the world's riches in though, I've only got a small lock-up.

Like the steed, he has manners. Of course we're light!

Hi, ho, Silver!

(Sir knight of rippling muscles and good haircut)

"I just rode to the Heath, but when I got there, you were no longer on the hourse, weird.."

"Shall we find/make, a kingdom/land/thread,, to place all your jewls and riches in, and where we can show-off our hair cuts?"

[Lady of Shalott]

We have got to sort out that D-jump thing that goes on.

I would love a new place for all my shining jewels. Sir, I shall ride forth with thee on one condition, that I bring my pet Binky.

(Sir Knight, of rippling muscles and good hair cut?)

"D-ride thing?"


(hourse)

"don't ask me"


(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and good hair cut)

"I wasn't asking you hourse!"

(Hourse)

"Please have the decency not to call me "hourse", use my proper name"

(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and good hair cut)

"Well, what is your name?"

(Hourse)

"Percy"

(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and hair cut)

"Ok, Percy, I wasn't talking to you"

(Hourse)
Turns away to face opposite direction.
"No need to be like that"

(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and good hair cut)

"Then, my Lady, tell of the kingdom you desire, and we shall ride off into the star-set to find if such a place exists, and, Oh, by the way, where exactly do you hide all these wealths of jewls and the kind?"

(Hourse (Percy))

"Well, don't consult me as if to weather I want to take you anywhere, even if you two are so weif -like and very light a load on my back that gives me great pleasure to carry"

[Lady Of Shalott] What are we waiting for? Be quiet hourse and stop your moaning, you'll be proud to carry us when we ride forth towards world domination. And I'm sure you'll love Binky when you meet her. *Lady of Shalott rides off, hoping her knight is following* http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F68913?thread=118045&post=1008571#p1008571

[Merlin]

*knocks and enters*

Anybody home?!?! helloooo?

I need my nasal hair trimmed...

(Sandra)
"enter"

"was that a nasal hair trim?"
(How about a quick hair cut and wash at the same time?"

(sissors)
"I'me irrilivent"

[Merlin]

...touch the beard and your history missy!