h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A560387

Another one of my odd literary articles, with a bit of ruthless self promotion (can you spot it?).

But seriously, any comments would be gratefully received... merci.

I like it. It's well written and informative. Self promotion? Never spotted a thing.

I am pretty new at this so let's see what the 'longer serving critics' have to say.

Hello?...hello? Anybody there?

Sorry - just getting a bit impatient...

Peer review does seem to be quiet. I'm sure tomorrow will be different. Hang in there.

Couldn't resist your plaintive cries for attention...

This is a nice summary of the author and her works. I'm not a lover of long paragraphs, so for me your article would work better if you broke the second paragraph up a bit. For example, you've quite a lot to say about 'The Handmaid's Tale' so why not give it a paragraph of its own. I have to say that's the only one of her books I've read and is probably her best known so I'd like to see more about her other works too.

Thank you... will have a go.

The thing is during a recent bout of depression I read all of her novels within a month, so I've got a lot to say...

I've split the long paragraph and added a new one, detailing a couple more of her novels. Any better?

Er, shouldn't you be revising?

Oi! - don't burst my bubble. I'll have you know I revised cholinergic AND adrenergic synapses today. And action potential generation. And...

I take your point.

But all the same - what about my article?

I liked it

If I had to make a criticism, I would suggest too much use of participles. For example: "Having sent it to a Canadian publisher, after an initial positive letter she heard nothing for a year and a half. After making her own enquiries, ...." I'm sure you could include more of the indicative active (to use technical-speak).

I can't really comment on the content as I know nothing about Atwood and have only read THT. I suppose just one question about that: is Offred her most famous character? Or even 'perhaps her most famous...'? Frankly, I can't comment, but I know what a fan of dystopias you are, so I'm just asking you to check your own analysis for bias!

Well, I used the "perhaps the most famous" construction because THT is what got Atwood on the world literary map, so to speak, and it is still her most read work. Also, a film was made of the book, and so the character reached an even wider audience.

Had a tweak at the participles though. I kept the "having sent" though, because I was rather fond of it...

Good article

Margaret Atwood slept in my house you know.

Don't you hate to name drop?

What? How? Why? When?

Wow. That's an appropriately impressive name drop!

Emily, I like this version much better. I might even go out and read some of those other titles you've written about.
If you've worked out how to use GuideML, you could maybe consider subheading titles for paragraphs about each book you mention? Just a thought, reads OK without them.
A couple of grammatical nitpicks:-
1. To my eye you're over-using 'however', particularly doesn't feel right as a paragraph opener.
2. There's a VERY long sentence in your 3rd main paragraph, beginning 'However, this is by no means limiting ...' I think 8 lines without a full-stop is a bit excessive. Maybe you could find another way to phrase this.

Otherwise, I think this is coming along nicely.

I thought about subheaders, but it rather breaks up the flow...

I've removed some "however"s, and reshuffled the sentences to shorten them a bit. Any better?

Incidentally, Metal Chicken - would I be right in assuming that your name is a reference to the Iron Chicken who is Tiny Clanger's best mate?

Getting better all the time

And resounding applause for spotting my name's inspiration. Not many people spot the reference. I have many fond memories of the Clangers and I always felt envious of the Iron Chicken up there on her nest. *nostalgic sigh*

A friend of mine bought me the Clangers video for my 18th birthday a couple of weeks ago. My sister (10) has stolen it and it doesn't look like I'm going to get it back...

My TiVo decided to record The Clangers for me the other day (it does that sort of thing) and I was filled with nostalgia when I watched it. Unfortunately, it hasn't recorded any since and I haven't bothered to set a 'Season Pass (TM)'.

Emily, since I seem to have decided to criticise your use of the English language, I thought the following might interest you:

- 'The protagonists of all of her eleven novels are female, whilst her three volumes of short stories consider such issues as sexual discrimination in the workplace to the nature of relationships between men and women.' I'm sure that should be '... such issues as ... and ...' or '... issues from ... to ....' I prefer the former. You do the same in the next sentence.

- '... or are forced into sexual slavery in the underground club to the Establishment Commanders, "Jezebel's".' I think that should be '... or are forced into sexual slavery to the Establishment Commanders at the underground club, "Jezebel's".'

- Then there's my personal preference for the active voice over the passive, so 'Relationships between women themselves are also addressed by Atwood within her work' might be better as 'Atwood also addresses relationships between women....'

Strangely, I've never felt your grammar needed criticising before (oh, oh, that's a gerund).

On the other hand, I think this version is even better than the last and I like it without the headers.

I think it's fairly good as it is now (admittedly, I'm coming in late here )

I should dig up my 'Handmaid's Tour of Harvard Square' that I wrote when I lived in it in the early 90s and post it to the h2g2. It pointed out the Wall, 'most likely theatre', ice cream place, etc. Though I always thought it highly unlikely that she'd be returned to the very neighbourhood she tried to escape (I'd think they'd have put her someplace psychologically neutral, since its obvious that they had some other things psychologically apt for brainwashing, though it was right for the story, the Atwood wanted her where the echoes of her previous life would be).

This is a good start on an article about one of my favourite authors.

I would definetly suggest a list of complete works in a list at the end. put around the whole list, and ... around each individual entry in the list.

You might also like to mention that her most recent novel The Blind Assassin won the 2000 Booker Prize, and that The Handmaid's Tale, Cat's Eye and Alias Grace were also nominated in previous years.
Also, possibly that Atwood's own upbringing has had an effect upon her work, a great number of her books protagonists were brought up in backwoods areas, as she was.
If you want to get really in depth I would suggest a short paragraph on each book, at least of the major novels, and use subheaders to divide them
......

Perhaps also mention the movie of The Handmaids Tale (which I have to admit wasted the book, but was made)