h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

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"...if Sir were dead I would not attempt to serve, Sir."

The concept of the "Shoe Event Horizon"

Frogstar officer: "I took the stairs"
Zaphod: "From Ursa Minor? You must be incredibly fit"

Favorite moment: Arthur Dent, upon hearing that a fifteen mile high statue was entitled "Arthur Dent, Throwing the Nutri-Matic Cup" : a simple "don't panic"

Zaphod: "How'd you work it all out?"
Arthur: "I didn't, I just dropped the towel."



Common lines I use in daily conversation that evince "Huh??"'s:

"Not an e-lectronic sausage"
"Relax, and enjoy your shoes." (I have considered working in a shoe
shoppe just for the opportunity to
say this)
"I seem to have wiped out half my crew"
"He's just this guy, you know..."
"Who would THAT inconvenience?"
"Slouching about with your disreputable friends"
"OH! So you feel you're under attack, do you?"
"You can't go skiing on high art!"


Favorite Character:

Gag Halfrunt - The ultimate font of analytical wisdom.

-The Goat Lip

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The whale 'coming to terms with being a whale, before having to come to terms with not being a whale anymore' always cracks me up.

'It needs a big wide sounding name, owouwrouwgroouuwwwgrooouuunddd. Ground! I wonder if it'll be friends with me.'

*SPLAT*

Also, Arthur being congratulated by Zaphod:

'That was smart thinking, Earth Man.'
'Oh, well, it was nothing really.'
'Oh, was it? Well forget it then.'

The answering machine:

'We would like to thank you for your continued interest in our planet, and would like to assure you that the nuclear missiles on an intercept course with your vessel are a courtesy we extend to only our most enthusiastic customers.'

In fact, that whole Magrathea-approach scene, down to Eddie singing throughout the countdown.

The "...look out for all the bits of whale meat" line never fails to remind me of the time I witnessed the territorial army dynamiting a dead whale on the beach near Cullen...

How about Hig Hurtenflurst. He only happens to be great. What is also great is 'I can't remember what I asked you now.'

If I thought for too long there would be too many to list, however my two instant quotes would be:

"The ships hung in the air in exactly the same way that bricks don't"

&

"...the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias was 'Oh no not again!'"

I adore the "oh, no, not again." Agrajag is awesome!

"Would you like to step outside?"
"All right"
"Good, that got rid of him. Let's go Slarty."

"The effect of which is like having your brain smashed out with a lemon, wrapped round a large gold brick."

"42? That's all you've got to show for seven and a half million years of work"

"Out-evolved by a telephone sanitizer."

"Your a load of useless, bloody loonies!"
"Yes, that was the reason."

"We apoligize for the inconvenience"

"Almost, but not completely unlike tea."

"Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, midboggilingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space."

"Why not go mad?"

I also absolutely liked the Agrajag episode.

"I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle."

...for the most gratitous use of the word 'F***' in a serious screenplay...

This must be a Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thrusdays.

(or even "Thursdays" - sorry, finger lag...)

I always love:

"It's unpleasantly like being drunk."

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"

"just ask a glass of water".

Favourite character:

many many of them, but to name a few:

Majikthies; Max Quordlepleen; Mr Prosser, who is of course directly descended from Genghis Khan; and the immortal character who to fill in his endless time decides to go round and insult the entire universe, in person, face to face and by name.

A final favourite quote;

" saying a big hello to all sentient life forms and to everybody else the secret is BANG THE ROCKS TOGETHER, GUYS!"

Life....don't talk to me about life!
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.

Ford Prefect is my favourite character.

Quote? It's got to be that mad bulldozer man.

The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibilty of crossing my mind.

Second has to be Arthur

Don't mention it. Oh you didn't.

I love Arthur, he's got to be my favourite character. Life just happens to him, whether he wants it to or not, and it always seems to go badly. Poor old soul.

My favouite moment is when Marvin has the conversation with some sort of tank, and it's so stupid it shoots the floor. I just love Marvin's reaction to it.

"I wish I would have listened to what my mother told me when I was young!"

"Why, what did she say?"

"I don't know, I didn't listen!"
...
"Terrific..."

That *always* cracks me up.

Not to mention:

"What are you doing, Arthur?"
"Trying to teach the cavemen to play Scrabble. It doesn't seem to work, the only word they know is 'grunt' and they can't spell it!"

Thee hee!

I steal the 'I wish I'd listened to what my mother told me' line all the while when I'm talking to people. In fact, I suspect that 42% of my conversations are Adams-inspired

I'm also like that. The other day I tried to convince my philosophy-teacher to that how-to-fly-thing... He didn't buy it!

I also asked WHO would it inconvinience if it would be a
"international philosopher's strike"... And he calls himself a philosopher!

Actually, DNA's how-to-fly thing is so appealing that I'm surprised it isn't a major source of concussion -- so many times I was tempted to try hurling myself at the ground in the hopes that one day I might miss.

Only Mr Adams could make that sound so...well...logical

By the way, the isult-everybody-in-the-universe guy is Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged.

"I think the universe is in good hands, don't you?"

"Please do not press this button again." I love that one!

"never drink more than two Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blasters unless you are a thirty-ton mega elephant with broncial pnemonia."

I also love the arguement for the non-existence of God.
"I refuse to prove that i exisy, for proof deniess faith and without faith I am nothing."
"But the babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It proves you exist and so therefore you don't'
"Oh dear, I hadn't thought of that."

"Or the sea was exactly the wrong shade of pink."

"Although we know it hasn't got one.'

"How are we for time?"

By the way, is the Rory for f*** or belgium? I seem to recall Arthur's astonishment that belgium would be a bad word.

"You've done and killed me again! What do you want? Blood?"

"Zaphod sauntered up to the bar and bought most of it."

"The only reason I waste my breath on you is that I have no other use for it."

Whenever we are discussing which way we should go, someone always says "Down is nice"

I also love the concept of the way to escape the Bloodbadder beast of Trall (?) is to wrap your towel round your head since it is so mind bogglingly stupid that it believes that if you can't see it then it can't see you

I've just come back from holiday in Istanbul, where the Shoe Event is reaching maximum impetus. It seems leather is very cheap in Turkey, and since shoes are made to fit a standard foot - this is usually Cinderella-size, where my feet are Ugly-Sister-size (I tried a pair on) - it's cheaper to continue to make shoes than to turn the cobbling machinery off.

In a city with three-thousand mosques which also has a bazaar with 50 streets filled with 4000 shops, I shouldn't have been surprised at the fact that the street I stayed on had one hotel and twenty-seven shoe-shops, nor at the fact that turning the corner opened up a vista onto another thirty. Shop owners will try any means possible to acquire your money, from offering good exchange rates into Sterling and Dollars, to dashing into the shop next door and buying produce with their own money in order to sell it on. Truly, demand has never ever been so well supplied!

Fenny