h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you, your Lord and Savior, Jesus H. Christ!

*Polite applause. Some rowdy fundamentalists start shouting, twitching, and babbling incoherently. Security quickly removes them*

*JHC ascends to the podium*

Ahem.

*Sips water.

Ahem.

*Looks sheepish. Drinks more water.

Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen. First, let me thank you all for the tributes you've made to me over the years. I really appreciate it. I also think it's so kind of you to worship my mother that way. It's very touching.

*Looks incredibly embarrassed.

However, there are a few things, which, quite frankly, you've gotten completely wrong. I didn't rise up to heaven. I didn't die for your sins. You can't get to heaven through me. You're quite mistaken.

*Stunned silence from the crowd.

I would also like to point out that Mary Magdalene was not some harlot. She was a very important part of my life, and I hate to see you slandering her that way.

And while I have your attention, please take down all of those depictions of me on the cross. I find them offensive. Not only does it remind me of my torment, which was not my finest hour, but I consider it to be just disgusting. What's wrong with you people? Do you keep shrunken heads and human fetuses in your closets?

Thank you.

*Forty days and forty nights of rioting follow this announcement. Meanwhile, JHC engages on a tour of syndicated talk shows, and writes an autobiography with a ghost writer, entitled, "What I MEANT to say was..."

Well, really, he can't "come to visit us." He's two milennia dead. As in six feet under. Dead as dead as dead.

Start all this resurrection nonsense and the kid thinks he can do a hokey-kokey. Over my white beard, he's not coming back for another cultural schism. Just look what he got up to last time, I rather liked Judaism the way it was thank you very much.

Nobody would believe him, he would be laughed and riduculed as a madman.

Except for the saps who act. believed him

He would be subjected to a range of treatments available from our mental health services, just like everybody else who claims to be Jesus / God / Napoleon / etc...

I think he'd be thoroughly pissed off at how we've spent the last 2000 years.

Of course there is that possibility that perhaps he would take his followers away with him and leave the rest of you to continue living in you depravity. Could happen.

We wish...

Anyway, away from theology, you need to write an introduction to your Space MJP, otherwise nobody can talk to you! Click on the Edit Space button on the right hand side of the screen. Then people can come and welcome you!

Anyway, back to theology...

Surely if Christ came again, it would be the second coming? In which case it would be the end of the world, all non believers would cease to exist (in my opinion, willing to listen to any arguments) and all would be happy?

Sure. I'm rather wary of saying what will happen in the future, especially in specific terms, because there's so much fallibility in that. However, I would agree that if Jesus came again, it would be the second coming. Would everyone be happy? I don't know. I think I would be.
(Did I just turn this conversation down a seriouser road? Oops).
BTW, Thundercat, I have now updated my Space. Thanks for the reminder to do so!!

I think jesus came already back to earth but the most time he had to spend in a brain-repairing-clinic on earth.
Perhaps he met some nice other jesus´ or caesars...
And today he´s a very good advocate or something in this way!