h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*presumes means duck that once worked for North Welsh Health Authority*

Well, depending on the condition and mileage of the duck, you could pay anything from 50 pence up to a million pounds. But in most cases, if your duck is faulty, you can return it to the shop within 28 days and they will repair it for you.

You mean the warranty only lasts for 28 days?

That would be around one month, next month I am going to start, ohnest.

Does a lazy cobbler specialising in shoes for children, leave his orders to the last minute?

Noooooooooooooooooooooo! I've started so I'll vanish.

I really need to dust, I shall not partake of the sacred wrist of the for several hours more now until the dusting has been dusted.

I rarely have to dust my dust. I usually wait for the dustmen to come around.

Dustbins are so much fun, you wouldn't believe the types of things that happen inside dustbins, amazine!

Wheely? I was wandering by a big outdoor one when an hand reached out and stole my headgear, but we'll skip th'at story. People will say I'm talking rubbish.

HELP!!!!!!!!!
I'm being abducted by s

WE DONT WRITE DOWN , WE WRITE ACROSS

When I was at school, I wrote down everything.
These days, however,
I work for a Tuna fish processing plant,
cleaning their filing cabinets.
I suspect there might be a novel in that somewhere.
But if it was ever published,
I think someone might write across it, in big letters:
This novel is boring and it is rubbish.
They would probably write that across every page.
And I would be frightened.
So now I do not write down anything,
in case
it gets
written across.

Why do they put tunna fish in the filing cabinat?

I once spent a very enjoyable afternoon stuffing tuna fish into a filing cabinet. Then I put a hippo in a sandwich box, and a wombat up a tree.

I once had a conversation lasting over an hour with a very old tree, although some people find this strange it actually happens a lot where I used to live. You wouldn't believe some of the things that trees can tell you about, well, slmost anything, like cheese or busses, or potato.

In first place, I fancy Australia - England are just bound to make an out-and-out hash of the Ashes as per usual. Remember to arrive by bus though.

Yes, I fancy Australia, mind you cheeky little Peru catches my eye. If I had the choice between being suduced by one or t'other, I suppose during the throes of passion, shouting out 'Peru, Peru', 'GOOD GOD!'. Would be easier to say than having to get my mouth around 'Australia, Australia... G'Day'!!

Once, in the throes of passion, I shouted out "Peru Peru GOOD GOD!". I don't think I will ever feel the same again, after that. Nor will the other passengers on the number 57 bus.

57 is a very ugly number. It's prime, and doesn't have any magical properties, unlike 42.

I have always found 57 to be a stunningly beautiful number. If I catch sight of 57, I just have to stop what I am doing, and stare in wonder. It is perhaps not perfect. The tail on the 7 might be a just a tiny bit out of place. But then, I always say, are not the most sought after diamonds those with flaws?