h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sends in a ferociously savage, drooling, bomb sniffer-outer Irish Wolf Hound

Airports, airports, airports. Nicest one in the world (and it pains an Englishman to say this) is Perth in Western Australia. Car park for five thousand and only me and Jesus wait at the Avis check-in. I was after a Holden, he was after five little fishes and two loaves of bread. Said something about a party happening in the longest running thread and could I catch some indiginous life to take along to the barbecue. Black swans, kangaroos, anyone that lives in Albany and still thinks Pink Floyd are underrated, dolphins from Katoomba Bay. Ended up taking a kwokka. Lovely pets, taste like chicken. Check it out y searching the guide.

You do realise that I keep spacing my paragraphs and they all come out as one long monologue...? Shame.

If Jesus got the loaves anf fishes, we could do with them over at the Moat of Bliss, in Beer.
The party is, wait a minute.
I just launched myself into outerspace with a patriot missile strapped to my back. What am I going to do?

Wait to be saved by an Italian war hero

Who is casually surfing on the rings of Saturn

Bought from the intergalatic branch of the Rings R Us shop (head office Tunbridge Wells) handily based on the dark side of the Moon

Missile explodes, miraculously Obscure survives, hurtles through space, many mistake him for a comet.
Lands with a large splash in the gin and tonic he left in the lounge at the airport 5 days ago.
Barmaid looks at him menacingly

Notes barmaids short skirt. passes Obscure a shiny, new, shoe mirror.

Its just not Obscures day. After put on the new shoes, thanks, walks towards barmaid, when a Scotsman pushes past, its true what they say about kilts. Ithink I'm going to throw up now.

Passes Obscure a drink to help pull him round. Ooops Scotch, sorry. Recommends Obscure go and spend a few hours at Lake Bliss with Moses, Noah and the girls.

Thats a terribly good idea.
Must check on the flight schedules to the moat.
Obscure approaches the check in counter, with some trepidation.

A ticket to lake Bliss. Certainly Sir. Have a nice flight. All the worst airline staff say that. Obscure passes into metal detector area. Looks around. Wonders what that loud ringing sound is?

Gets mugged by airport security, finds a case of Plymouth gin under obscures mac. The lids have all been confiscated.
At least they left the contents, my contribution to the Lake of Bliss.
Boards plane without further mishap.
Odd looking man smoking a cuban cigar, and wearing battle fatigues is sitting across the aisle, with a very suspicious package under his arm.
It looks like......

He'll have a gin and tonic, while setting up a journal entry to shorten loading time.
People stumble across this and wonder why it is named....Beer and airport check in desks cont.

stewardess oh, excuse me, "flight atendand" kindly asks man with package to put out cigar and gets taken hostage. people panic. obscure mutters, "not again!"

Well I'm sure a flight attendant would ask mr clinton to put his cigar out first
Or am I not allowed to say this

...TO BE CONTINUED.... In the interests of speedy loading .... Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, rats and mice, this thread has moved to Canada and can now be found posted on Obscure's home page cunningly entitled Airport check-in and beer cont. Bring gifts.

I know this has nothing to do with the waiting in line and checking in part.
But, who has had sex in an airport bathroom or in a terminal?
LoL

Not sayin I have or anything

How about on the luggage conveyor belt? Now that _would_ be fun!

I've had sex at an airport. It was outside by the car park, and my arse was cold.

Kinky though...

:->