h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't quite get that part myself. The bit about kettles of tea and coffee, that is.

Welcome Jack

Hello there!

Sounds freaky - make mine ether. Beware this is a complete technophobe speaking from the depths of fear and trepidation. Reassurance required that message received and hot beverages forthcoming.

Bye for now - Star (terrible name I know).

*pours Star a drink*

Welcome... you seem to be doing okay so far...

And the community is pretty wide - its not all techies you know! I know I am a complete technical duffer

Hi Star, I lift my humongous mug and say cheers!
Forget technical its all just a bunch of wires and plastic don't be afraid.
If you'r still afraid, here's a lot of guys and gals to hold your hand
ZOE ya round

* HE wanders in looking for his mug alarmingly marked HIS!!! *

Oh...hello er, you, you & er... you.

* Inter-Stellar travel can catch up with even the most exaultant of immortals... *

* HE then goes on to mumble something incoherently about Angels...best guess *

http://www.h2g2.com/A300943

* Then goes on to growl something about a New User's Guide, presumably HE means this... *

http://www.h2g2.com/A352667

* Although, they are probably best guesses at best... *

- Moving In Mysterious Ways.

*raises hand timidly*
Er, 'scuse me, Mr GOD... I thought you were supposed to be all-knowing, omnipresent and infallible?
*hides behind sofa*

you know I am not sure if he really is the GOD after all!!!

He'd better be... aren't there laws against that sort of thing?

To do all HE does, He must sure drink a lot of coffee.
ZOE ya round

* HE turns to address the pot-plant... *

* ...Alright. I suppose as GOD's Official Narrator I should stick up for his Majesticness... Suppose you travel billions of miles across deep space, no inflight catering, no inflight movie, not even the rinky-dinky little earphones that always get stuck on the Country & Western Station, perpetually looping Willy Nelson... *

* I mean, you may skirm when your neighbour decides Shania Twain's Come On Over is still the bees-knees after 15 consecutive weeks, but if you had to deal with one bit of mat black space, upon another, upon another. You had better pack more than a trusty copy of travel scrabble... *

The Big '*'...

Just don't ask about all the incredients.

You see he is not the real G*D - he is now claiming to be his offical narrator!

Stop trying to kid the people!

St.Peter - I'll think you find that anything said inbetween * these * is the sole domain of the Narrator...

Who has infact gone off in a huff...

St.P.

So he must be an Old Testament G*D - cos the New Testament one would not go off in a huff.

* HE gradually starts to gather his thoughts together & starts fumbling around inside the sink cupboard for his 'emergency supply'... *

Huzzah !!!

* HE couldn't be any happier if the 'infernal' one took a course in 'Anger Management 101'... *

So how is Shim these days ???

...er, not that I don't know of course

* Paranoia can be fickle Mistress, especially when her name rhymes with 'gabby'...not that is mere coincidence *

I suggest you leave MY Official Narrator alone !!!

* HE, quite wonderfully I might add, thinks up a 'slighty'- devilish plan to get Abi & E.V back. The ponders that flattery is nearly always the best way to keep one under one's thumb... *

I would create a miracle right here & now, but unfortunately the said miracle entailed rather changing both Abi & E.V into truly wonderful caring individuals !!!

* One might discern a slight grimace on his face... *

But, I see they are already such fine individuals !!!

* HE thinks 'Now they are succoured into compliance, unless they want to break the morae's of polite society, that is...' *

- Moving In Mysterious Ways.

Errmmm excuse me but I am a model nice fluffy person already!

I can vouch for that, I've only been here a few hours and already Abi's been nice and fluffy to me.

... Oh how little you know Harry

But Welcome to our humble little Universe !!!

It's just a shame GOD appears to have wandered off somewhere... but I know you will definitely meet up in the future...

How are you enjoying things ?

Or is 'enjoying' the wrong word for it...

M.K*