h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have some paper to write for my studies. So I'm asking for some help. I need some volunteers who could send me a photo of their local cemetery. That should happen before Friday 11th or so. It doesn't even need to be a fresh photo, just something that shows how cemeteries in your corners look like.
Anybody?

Here is a web site I found a while back while doing some historical research;

http://www.findagrave.com/

If you poke about a bit I am sure you will find far more than you can use.


FS

The website is very interesting. However, I could do with more personal view. Maybe even with some additional questions.

This is the record I was searching when I found the site;

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GSln=leib&GSfn=thomas&GSbyrel=all&GSdy=1851&GSdyrel=in&GSst=40&GScntry=4&GSob=n&GRid=38861990&df=all&


He was the Naval commander at Fort Foster A87761631

I have been conducting a search into his life and history, I have found several interesting details and even more questions. I may eventually write an entry on my findings, I believe the birth dates are wrong by several years.

I hope this helps

FS

I cycle past the cemetery on my way to work. I can easily stop and take a photo. There is quite a cult around cemeteries and graves here in Germany - they follow the traditions of mourning much more closely and also there are amazing rules about burials and cremations. A shame you didn't ask in spring or autumn, as they really are well-kept and are beautiful gardens, too.

You give two e-mail addresses on your PS. Are they both still valid? If not, which one should I use?

And what on earth are you researching cemeteries for?

This is a topic that interests me - I wrote something for a uni course recently about war memorials, but I nearly chose our local cemetery. Anyway, I can get you a pic by that date of an oldish London cemetery. What were the other questions you had?

Q: Do you know why the Belgians prefer to be buried in Germany?

A: Because then they can rest on a Friedhof

Thank you all!

I use gmail address, yahoo is there just for the messenger.

I think I'll skip all the burial traditions as such, just the way people go around with the family burial sites and such (do they visit it, when, why, what do they do there) and general looks of cemeteries. Or something in that line. It's an essay for intercultural communication. We're supposed to compare different cultures from some certain aspect.

We visit (or my husband does, if I can't make it) the cemetery where my parents-in-law are buried, at Christmas, in June (my m-i-l's birthday) but mainly on 1 November.

1 November is a holiday and everyone visits the cemetery. There are memorial services for the dead, and the fallen.

My father-in-law died in 1993 and my mother-in-law in 1992. The grave plot is leased for periods of 25 years. When that period elapses, either the remaining family members are dead themselves, or have lost interest, or they re-lease for their own purposes. My sister-in-law will no doubt take over the grave when the lease runs up.

You can have the grave tended to by the cemetery gardeners, or you can opt to look after it yourself. Some are beatifully kept, real works of art - others are tended, but rather uninspiring in their choice of greenery.

Flowers often get stolen from the graves - to put a pot on it is a waste of time - it's gone by the next weekend. Many people now choose to just cover the grave with a slab of marble. This is probably very expensive, but it is low maintenance and looks impressive. They might put a vase of flowers or a pot plant on it on all Saints's Day (1 November).

Cremations and urns are still in the minority (this is not based on facts - just from looking at cemeteries). You have to place the urn within the confines of the cemetery and you are not allowed to scatter the ashes where you like - although, I expect on the coast you can do sea burials or scatter the ashes there, but I am not at all sure about that.

Recently, for those who don't like the idea of a religious burial or using the cemetery, woodland cemeteries have sprung up. These are still quite new, and I'm not quite sure how you go about getting buried there, or who organises the actual logistics of it. Nor am I sure who, apart from ordained priests and pastors, is permitted to preside over a funeral, or how this is done for non-religious burials. I have not heard of an equivalent of a humanist ceremony.

In Germany there is a huge Moslem population - I don't know what they do, either. Everything is very strictly regulated here. I shall try to find all these things out if you would like me to.

I leave the minorities aside.

So, if that 25 years passes and the lease runs up, will they just re-use the plot? For how many people the plot usually is?

When people go to cemetery, what do they usually do there? Attend the ceremonies? Put flowers on the graves? How much time do you usually spend on cemetery when you go there?

Are there any traditional flowers to take to cemetery?

My maternal grandmother looked after the grave of her son (died only 9 years old in 1945) and her husband (died 1961, only 55 years old) at least once a week. She polished the headstone, arranged flowers in a pot before it and raked the path in front of it so it always looked nice. The she stood a minute or two before it with closed eyes, dried her eyes with a handkerchief and went quietly home. As a boy I joined her frequently. I must add that my grandmother was a strict non-believer.

My mother, my siblings and I have a completely different approach. After my father died 40 years ago I only saw his grave once when I showed it to my children.

1 November means nothing to us.

When the lease ran out my mother had it prolonged, but only because it wouldn't look good in other people's eyes if she didn't. My father was a strong believer in spite of being very intelligent and anything but naive. My mother joined him in this, but death cults mean nothing to us

So you see even inside a family the way to deal with death can be quite different

I believe there are more cremations than regular funerals in Denmark these days and quite a lot are buried in unmarked graves so children and others don't have to worry about keeping the graves. Sea burials are not uncommon but still a minority. The first woodland cemeteries opened in 2012. You can have a non-clerical ceremony in various chappels aorund the country but most take place in churches.

The graves of Moslems and Jews must never be touched again which leaves a logistic problem, but as I understand it, most Moslems want to return to the countries they stem from.

After a lease of a grave runs out it will be reused by others. A plot is usually big enough to 'house' one generation and maybe unmarried daughters or children who die young or so

So, if that 25 years passes and the lease runs up, will they just re-use the plot?
The plot is then re-leased to another family. Of course, searches and paperwork will precede this. I will find out the details if I can. Hubbie knows more about it.

For how many people the plot usually is?
You can get single graves, but our plot is a double sized one. Usually a married couple will be buried on top of each other in a single grave. My husband's parents and aunt are already in the family grave, his sister will eventually be the fourth.

When people go to cemetery, what do they usually do there?
Some may just walk around and admire the gardening, although it is not approved for dog-walking. We usually take a small basket with gardening tools.

We plant flowers suitable for the season - pansies, of course, are very suitable, as they flower nearly all the year round and do not require much attention. We weed the plot, and water it. Watering cans are provided, and even in very cold weather, the water supply is switched on again for visitors who come on 1 November and the days up to it, to tend the graves.

In the autumn, the main job is removing the leaves which have fallen from the sycamore nearby. When the grave is weeded, planted, watered, swept and tidied, we stand in silence for a while. Those who wish to pray will do so silently to themselves, and otherwise, it is an opportunity to remember the deceased and think about the transience of life in general.

Attend the ceremonies?
Funerals are usually held at 2.30 - 3.00 pm, mainly at the end of the week. Even the smallest cemeteries have an ecumenical chapel where a short service is held with readings, music, hymns and a eulogy. In many cases, all the talking and reading may be done by the cleric in charge, but the family can contribute to the contents of the service as much as they like. The time and date of the funeral is usually published in the local paper as soon as the death is announced, (funeral directors will do this for you).

Especially older people will turn up at this part of the funeral, possibly even if they don't know the deceased, but it is a public affair, if the time and date have been published, so as many people as are interested will turn up.

Some religious people may even pop into the chapel for a little think or a prayer while they are at the cemetery, but it may be locked outside of funeral times.

The cemeteries are well equipped with toilets, and benches to sit on, and, as they are quiet and pleasant places to be, it may well be that some people will go to just sit in the afternoon sun and enjoy the peace.

Put flowers on the graves?
People do put flowers on graves - but, as I said earlier, in some cemeteries, these will only get stolen. On 1 November, Christmas, Easter, etc., the flower shops will sell arrangements in pottery pots or bowls suitable for the season, to put on the graves. You can also get special candles which are in a red protective casing to burn on the grave for several days.

New graves will be decorated with the wreaths and flowers which the mourners brought to the funeral.

How much time do you usually spend on cemetery when you go there?
We are usually not there for much more than half an hour. We have a good half-hour's drive to my parents-in-laws' cemetery. If we are attending a funeral, this will last 30-40 minutes, and for the very religious, is followed by a memorial mass in the nearby church. (This tradition is dwaining, however, because the priests have very full schedules and there is simply not the time or the staff to hold the Mass)

Are there any traditional flowers to take to cemetery?
Flowers of the season would be my choice, but white lilies seem to be traditional. There is always a flower shop near a cemetery and they can advise you. Also, you will always find a stonemason near a cemetery as their main business is carving gravestones.

These are just my observations. I will find out some more details by asking around, and tidy up the open ends later.

I was a bit late getting to work this morning, so I didn't stop to take a picture. I hope the weather/light holds out for tomorrow morning.

Ashes in unmarked graves: do they do it in other countries as well? Are there actually these unmarked graves or do they just make the ashes disappear? Who takes care of unmarked graves?

In Denmark unmarked graves are usually collected in a common lawn holding many urns under ground. People frequently leave flowers on these lawns - which makes you think that their loved ones probably should not have chosen an unmarked grave. Having a special place to go to means quite a lot to some people. Quite a lot indeed! People need to think about that!

Here in the US most cemeteries promise 'perpetual care' the idea is that the money spent on the plot is placed in a special account and the upkeep is paid from the interest. It is not unusual to find headstones from the early 1800 and even further back. The area where I live has only been populated for a little over a hundred years, but I have visited cemeteries elsewhere that have some quite early markers, at least for the US. We do have one local family plot that is located in a island in the middle of a secondary road

While I was researching my Fever Entry I found many cemeteries were moved from the city centres in the early 1800, due to both the value of the land and the associated smell of death (at least that was what they said). As I recall one was in Paris, France. The one in my second link was also formed this way in Philadelphia.

Around here many people choose to be cremated and have their ashes sprinkled at sea. I have participated using a boat, airplane and one was just dumped from her son's dock, with due reverence of course.

Let me know if you find any of this useful.

FS

My father was cremated and buried in a completely biodegradable wooden urn in a forest, under an unmarked beech tree. You're not allowed to bring anything non-biodegradable, or plants (flowers) that don't grow in the forest anyway.

I am forgetting one of my favourite entries in the Edited Guide, Elaine Rivis Anderson - The Little Girl In The Cemetery A4455506 This has both a good headstone photo, but also a compelling story.

FS

Florida Sailor, do people go to cemeteries in your corners? I mean, to bring flowers or to do maintain the plot or such?

Mala, that's in Germany, isn't it? Do you visit the burial place ever again?

It is little hard to generalize customs in the US, with so many traditions combined. One of the first discussions a couple usually have is which family traditions they want to continue.

But, yes people do bring flowers to graves, especially on birthdays and anniversaries

The two most common times for people to visit is on Veteran's Day (11 November) and Memorial Day (the last Monday in May). There are memorial ceremonies and the Veteran's graves are decorated with small flags that are supplied and placed by volunteer groups like the Boy Scouts, ROTC clubs and other patriotic organizations.

If you have read much of my work here, you will know I am primarily an historian, so most of my visits have been to walk among those from the past.

I have a few friend who seek out lost cemeteries so they can clean them, removing litter and overgrowth etc.

Hope this helps
FS