h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, I also wanted to mention a bit about funeral services, to augment TC's post with a US perspective.
Most families hold a 'viewing' for several days after the death. Unless it was a gruesome accident the top of the coffin is opened to allow the body to be seen by all visitors, it is customary to approach the coffin, say a silent prayer and take a seat in the room for a while. If any of the family are present it is appropriate to say a few words of condolences to them. These are held in 'funeral homes' or 'parlours' it is common to have several people in different rooms. There is normally a private room for the family if they wish to avoid attention.

The funeral service is usually held at the funeral home, but the body is sometimes moved to their own church for the service. We live in area where many people come to retire and their children remain at home up-north. It is not uncommon that their remains to be shipped 'home' for burial.

If the internment is within a reasonable distance (less than an hour's drive or so) A funeral procession is formed to drive to the grave-site. There are special laws that apply to funeral processions, they are led by the hearse, with the body, followed by limousines for the immediate family. They are followed by the private cars of the friends and other family members. Each is instructed to turn on their headlights and a small magnetic mourning flag is placed on the fender by the funeral director, or his assistant. It is illegal for other vehicles to break into a funeral procession, and should a traffic light turn red while they are crossing all the following cars are allowed to continue. At a large funeral for a popular person, or a tragic event there can be well over a hundred cars participating.

Another short service is held at the grave, and if the deceased was a member of the military the flag will be removed from the coffin, folded and presented to the senior surviving relative.

After the ceremony a reception is usually held at the families home, anyone attending should bring a tray of snacks or a cooked meal for the family to enjoy in the coming days.

You are bringing back memories I have not recalled for many years. If all this is common knowledge, forgive me, we don't know if we don't speak

FS

About carrying the coffin out of the church/chappel:

In Denmark it is customary that the sons, maybe also daughters and other close relatives and friends carry the coffin out to a special cart, push it to the grave where they lower the coffin into the grave

This can be different in Germany. In the northern part you can see the same procedure as in Denmark, but only a 100 kilometres to the south I have heard schocked people say: "Oh my Bob, the poor family, they couldn't even afford bearers!"

Which leads me to the conclusion that it is custom in southern parts of Germany to pay specialists to carry the coffin.

Can any of you verify this?

Funeral traditions vary even more than attending cemeteries, methinks. That was the main reason I left those out.

As for coffin bearers, here it's also relatives. But as families are small, it sometimes happens that there are friends invited to the funeral in order to carry the coffin. I mean, mostly for this reason only. ("Could you come and help us out, no men fit enough in our kin.")

.. ah .. the late 94 ran the Amsterdam cemetery ( http://www.denieuweooster.nl/ ) until age 65.

.. in NL relatives can buy a grave, which then will be owned and occupied until the deceased leaves it, or until the cemetery stops existing (whichever comes first).
Leased graves exist for 10 to 20 year, depending on the local legislation and the contract (..the price of course). After that term the grave is cleared out, any remains are stored. Mass grave sounds rather crude, but that's what the storage is.

Cremation is common. Ashes can be buried in an urn (set in a wall or in the ground) but common is to scatter it. Places to scatter ashes are e.g. at sea (sailors, fishermen, ..), sports field (really.. usually not during a match), your own backyard, or any park. Most often the cemetery/cremation facility has its own park.

Burial, bearers .. can be professional hired staff. Quite a few pensioners and students were waiting near the cemetery entrance to be hired by an undertaker. They did have a rather fascinating sense of humour. (yes, at one time I borrowed a long black coat and made a few guilders carrying.. not as easy as it looks .. bleepy heavy and all movements must be exactly synchronised.. ).
Nowadays it's common to have family, friends push a cart with the coffin on it to the final destination. No more carrying coffins unless specifically requested... mind you .. sometimes these coffins can be real heavy, and worst case not too clean.

I helped carrying and lowering my best friend's mother. It was a wet autumn day and I was worried I might slip and fall into the grave - so of course I almost did

I haven't forgotten the photo, Hati. It's just that I haven't been that way every morning, and the one time I did, I was in a desperate hurry and since then it's been pouring with rain and the light has been very unsuitable for photos.

Is there still time?

Deadline next week. (Exams this week. )

OK - it'll be a picture in the snow then. But that also has its charms!

I came across another question:
Is it okay to walk over a grave?

And flowers - if it fresh flowers on ground, in vase or potted plants or planted into ground? And who is responsible for removing dead flowers?

Do people take Things (other that flowers) to cemetery? Toys perhaps? Candles? Any kind of decorations? Sentimental stuff?

Hi Hati;

>I came across another question:
>Is it okay to walk over a grave?

I was taught that you should not walk across a gave. When you get a sudden chill down your back we say 'Someone is walking on your grave'. Of course, as you are alive you don't really have a grave yet, but the idea is it is your future grave-site.

Mowing the lawn usually requires the staff to cross all the graves.

Also the 'head-stone' is traditionally laced at the foot end of the grave, meaning the body is buried in the opposite direction, so you can stand reading the stone without stepping on the grave.


>And flowers - if it fresh flowers on ground, in vase or potted plants or planted into ground? And who is responsible for removing dead flowers?

Flowers are usually placed in a vase or pot, some tomb-stones actually have small metal vases in them that can be raised to place the flowers into. Most cemeteries have their staff remove the dead flowers.



>Do people take Things (other that flowers) to cemetery? Toys perhaps? Candles? Any kind of decorations? Sentimental stuff?

The simple answer is yes, although this is more common at memorials, another .
One of the biggest memorials in the US is the Vietnam Wall on the Mall in Washington, DC. It is not uncommon to find things like unopened packs of cigarettes, uniform hats and awards placed under a name.

It has become common here for a cross or other marker to be placed at an accident scene. Flowers, stuffed animals, drawings and notes may be placed there regularly for years. I could probably send a picture or two if you are interested.

Another point I haven't mentioned you might find of interest is the Native American customs around here, The Calusa, Tocobaga and Timucuan Indians were all 'Mound Builders' and buried their dead in large raised mounds made of shell, many of which still exist. There are also ceremonial mounds and garbage mounds (the kitchen middens) that look almost identical to the casual observer.
The first bodies were laid out horizontally, like the spokes of a wheel, later burials were dug down from the top and placed vertically through the other corpses.

Be sure to let us know how your paper turns out.

FS

Thank you, Florida Sailor.

I took some photos this morning. In the snow, as I say. I'll mail them to you tonight. They show rows of well-kept graves, all with impressive stones. I also took a photo of the wall where the urns for the cremated are displayed.

By then I should also have my husband's version of the answers to your questions. I realise this is a little late, but perhaps it will still be of some use to you.

Did you get any feedback from other countries apart from Denmark, Netherlands and Germany?

Thank you, TC.
I also have some data on US. That's actually quite enough. After all it's just an essay, not a thesis or something. And I should really put this thing together now. I am so good at procrastinating. *rolls eyes*

it's a darned shame they don't grade procrastination these days

Yeah, I could pass with flying colours.

I would be a retired professor by now

Have just e-mailed you the photos I took this morning. I hope they are useful.

They are very useful.