h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Partly as thanks for the kindness bestowed upon me by the King in my earliest hours in this realm, I wish to humbly proffer my services as advisor to the throne.

I am a self-professed and self-confessed expert on almost everything. I have not yet contributed to the quide because I am putting it off until I have something really wothwhile to contribute.

However, I am thoroughly versed in the arts neccessary for the situation of court advisor and would deem it a great boon to be able to serve your Royal Majesties in this capacity.

Humbly, very humbly yours.
Barblefish - Phililogical Piscean

Court advisor barblefish? I'm not entirely sure that we have anything we need advising on, but as the lack of necessity of a position sounds like the perfect reason for having one, consider yourself the new Royal advisor to the court of Balwyniti!

Whacko!

Ahemm...I gratefully accept your kindly assent to my application, and will serve you and the kingdom faithfully.

As there is no pressing need to provide the Royal Court of Balwyniti with any advice at present, I will move into my new premises and start designing my court robes (naturally, I will seek royal assent for these).

I also have a large library of trivia and useless information which will arrive soon via ox-cart and camel caravan, along with herbs, spices, oils and unguents collected from many locales within the universe, which will be teleported to my residence once prearations are complete.

I remain, Sire, your humble servant, Barblefish

Trivia and useless information? You'll be right at home here...

Ahemm...Sire I wish to advise that I have moved into temporary accommodation and have been ably assisted by the worker elves in unpacking my few shabby goods and chattels. I'm just heading down to the icecream stand to build up my strength with a tropical banana split with caramel sauce and macadamia nut toppings, followed by a few custard filled pastries from the bakery.


*buuurrrrp*

Ah! Very good! Good to see someone who appreciates the facilities...