h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

treat yourself to a in her honour instead. I don't do graveyards and am so happy my mother never had to visit my father in one (we had him cremated, the box is at her house and is going in her coffin with her). My mother wants to be buried but I have told her I won't be visiting, I'll talk to her instead in the comfort of my own home or when I feel the urge elsewhere. My sister is completely different, she visits graves, takes flowers, tidies up, and feels better for it. Good for her, but I find the whole thing too depressing, and I'm not going to apologise for that, or worry if other think people think me rude.



GB

"if other people think me rude"

Thanks darlings.
I've been at her grave - her cremation urn is interred at the cemetary by the church. Just not today.

lots of love to you.

Absolutely not rude. You grieve as you wish, and no-one should tell you how or when.

Been to a funeral today, but I don't do the graveyard chat etc. either. Our graveyards are so full, all my family have opted for cremation which to me seems such a clean way to go. Walking away from an open grave after one funeral really upset me.

Remember the good times, toast her life and get on with yours. That's all any Mother wants.



Websailor

Having a grave to visit means the world to some. I know it did to my maternal grandma who lost her son when he was only nine years old. And later her husband when he was only 55.
It is very important to appreciate and accommodate this kind of need. Very!

But I don't have this need. I lost my father when he was 53, six days after I turned 20. I have only visited his grave twice. Once to show it to my ex and once to show it to my children.

The grave does not exist anymore. But my father lives on in my memory. Even if he has been dead for 42 years now. And I am now 9 years older than he ever was.

In short: It is entirely up to you what you choose, my dear friend. No sensible person will hold any choice against you

I just talked to my mum's big sister.

She's in hospital since about a month, with cancer tumours in stomach, intestine, skeleton and in the membranes of the abdomen.
She was also admitted with fluid in her abdomen - just like mum, but worse. 30 liters drained in only a week. Unbelievable amounts.

Dad and I wanted to visit, but they only allow visitors in the afternoon, and she's busy with visitors on Saturday, and we're busy on Sunday (another aunt shares her birthday with mum, and we will go to her).

So, we'll find another time to visit.

She'll start chemo, but I think it's only to get some more months to "finish things" and say goodbye, because like with mum, it's really spread out cancer.

It's just too much of deja vu.

lil xx