h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Coming up...

You're a gent, sir! ... and may I say, it's a pleasure to see some staff around here. Place is usually deserted. Well, excpet the maid of course, who's classified as staff well worth getting around. D'you indulge yourself? - drink, I mean.

Hello Kes!
A drink for all of us barman!

I don't object to the odd tipple, no, and drinks all round...what'll it be?

Ah! Hello there m'dear. If you don't mind my asking, how on earth d'you breathe in that thing? It seems to squeeze everything from the middle towards the ends, if y'know what I mean ... not that I'm complaining, mind.

Okay...I'm beat...I'm heading up to my bedroom now...

You're beat! Some folk have all the luck!
*Settles in to finish the champers*

*The champagne is all consumed. Kes picks up a newspaper, and turns to the Flight Information page.*
Now - where are we .... Rio, Rio ...
Americas .... getting close.
Outbound flights to West Coast of USA: all scheduled to depart on time ...
Inbound flights from Rio: all departures from Rio airport cancelled until further notice ...
Hmm.

*Feeling an intensely morose urge, Kes pours himself his first PGGB of the day.
*At the Lake, trout dive to the depths.
*In the Woods, adult animals gather their young, and hasten them to places of safety.
*In the stables, horses roll their eyes in fear.
*The BBC broadcasts a warning.

*Kes drinks deep from the smouldering glass, and .....

LEEEEEEEEEEEEAAVING OOOOON AAAAAA JEEEEEEET 'PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE ,
DOOOOOOOOOON'T KNOOOOOOOOOOOW WHEEEEEEEEN SHEEEEEEEEEEEEE'LL BEEEEEEE BAAAACK AGAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIN ,
OOOOOOOOOOOOOH IIII HAAAAAAAAAAAATE TOOO SEEEEEEEEEEEE YOOOOOOOOOOOU GOOOOOO !

*The echoes fade.*

*The mice that normally inhabit the bar cupboard slowly emerge from their blast shelter. Kes falls face down onto the bar.

*Pretty normal start to the day, really.*

If this is a bar, and this is h2g2... where's the karaoke machine?

What will you have...I make a fabulous smoke freee Lemon Drop, if you like things sweet, I can make up one of those famous Brandy Stingers with a floating Orchid in it, like at Trader vics at the Plaza in New York, A classic dirty martini with Sappire Gin, or a New Orleans Gin Fizz, if you're easy a Mimosa. The Karaoke Machine left with the Karaoke Kid quite awhile ago. I only play the classics on the juke box, things like Billy Holiday and Bessie Smith. What's your poison?

This post has been removed.

Have I missed something?

What's the point in having a wake for you if you keep popping up?

Morning barman!
A huge round of drinks for this table please!
And no karaoke or jukeboxes in here if you don't mind, just pure drinking.

My snetiments exactly...

*Places large tray of alcohol in front of mina...*

That should keep you going til I get back...

Or sentiments even...

Thanks! Should keep me going til I get back as well.
Let's hope I am not disturbed.

*staggers in looking confused*
Morning all... pint of breakfast, please.

* M.K staggers in as well... *

Lord M.K*

*clatter of high-heels
GB looks at M.K*, smiles and says
"Are you relieved, now, Sir?"

Yes... but mainly sore

Lord M.K*