h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*In the corridor, just outside the suite, Kes hears PE singing, and pisck up on the tune ...*

"Le jour de gloire est arrive pom ti pom"

(Indeed - possibly a day of glory!)

*He pauses, apparently trying to dance while carrying all those bottles. Dance? Surely not?*

*No - he's seen the central heating pipes, and is truning off the supply of heating to the suite - turning the tap with his foot. Why?*

Coming, my dear.

*He enters.

Here we are my lovely, angry litlle convent girl - more supplies - Booze!

Oh - one of them's a bottle of mineral water - don't know how that got in there. Still - we're ready for a siege!

Yes! We must barricade! We must put all the luggage in front of the door!

We shall build a tent!!! It is a matter of fairness???

You know -- "fair-play"? What do you call it? Jogo limpo?

How dare they!!!

Yes! I like the idea of a tent!!! It will show we do not care for the comfort of the room!!! Does not matter that they will not see it, we know we are protesting with dignity!!!!

Yes! Food! Yes, please...

* She grabs a bottle and drinks a sip of mineral water.

(Well, once the mineral water's finished ...)

*Kes pushes the four-poster bed up against the wardrobe, stores an interesting idea for another occasion, then retrieves the webcam cable from the bin.

*Kes strings the cable from one bed post, across the floor to the dressing table, and secures it*

*He takes the sheets from the bed, and arranges them over the cable, forming a tent.
*A chest of drawers pushed up against one end of the tent blocks off that end; the other end? A draped blanket to allow access.

You! Kes! Quickly! Help me! Get some of the luggage! Please!

* PE shows Kes where he should place the luggage in front of the door.
She is also carrying several bags over. They quickly build a solid wall of heavy luggage. Two rows of expensive and heavy luggage, the door will not open anymore. They have created a splendid barricade!

* This Bastille shall resist, PE thinks to herself, with revolutionary? [or is it the opposite?] fervour!!!

*Kes pushes the blanket box against the stack of luggage - doubly certain - no-one can get in .... or out!

*He gets pillows from the box*

Oh dear, Peaceful. The tent is too small for the pillow wall. We shall just have to behave carefully.

*Just two pillows each, then*

* PE begins to 'think' about the best way to organize this protest... Ok, she already has a tent to show her defiance... Luckily they have enough food for days and days!

* But the other occupants of the hotel must discover that they are not right to accept this kind of service. Simply outrageous!!! But how to draw their attention?

* No loudspeaker?

* She tries to think, this may take hours, months, years... too bad they only have enough food for ten days...

Now Peaceful - that'll show them! I think a small celebration would be in order. A sandwich? A little drink, perhaps?

*Sets out snack on bedside table, which isn't beside bed anymore*

* PE is a bit distracted... maybe a snack would help her to think this one out.. Yes, she must pause to reflect. Thinking never had done her much good in the past... But she had to find the perfect song for this occasion?

* Whiter shade of pale would not do... Something a bit more dramatic.. something which would wake the whole hotel up, and... something like... like...

* Better have a snack before taking such an important decision...

*Kes hands PE a large alcoholic drink, and waits for it to take effect...

* No! The idea suddenly flashed through her semi-arid brain! Yes! This was perfect!


* Singing a bit too loud:

'COMO PODE O PEIXE VIVO VIVER FORA D'ÁGUA FRIA?

COMO PODE O PEIXE VIVO VIVER FORA D'ÁGUA FRIA?

COMO PODEREI VIVER? COMO PODEREI VIVER?

SEM A TUA, SEM A TUA, SEM A TUA COMPANHIA... "

*This was not quite the effect that Kes had hoped for ...*

* It was a nice, sad tune, a fado... about a fish, which needed water to survive

*Refills her glass*

Thirsty work, my dear - do have another.

* M.K slips a quite sizable bill under the door... *

* Including in big red letters the prices for the repair of the diningroom table and assorted wears... *

Could you please sort thing out by morning, thankyou...

Lord M.K*

* PE, unfortunately, wasn't that good a singer. And her voice did not carry too well. Probably only Kes had been able to hear her, and he seemed to be suffering from earache... at least he was holding on to his ears with determination... a look of intense pain and anguish... she thought he was suffering because of the injustice. Little did she know, he was now completely deaf!


Como pode o peixe vivo?

* PE was suddenly very tired.

Kes? I will suspend my protesting for tonight! Tomorrow is another day! We sleep. I will sleep here! Good night!!!

*Peaceful collapses into sleep - assisted by the alcohol.
*Kes regrets a missed opportunity, but recognises the approach of his own ethanol-induced oblivion.
*He carries Peaceful into the tent - for no valid reason, but that's alcohol for you.
*In a last effort at gentlemanly conduct, he opts to sleep in the chair, and reaches into the tent to retrieve a pillow.
*He gazes at Peaceful ... so beautiful when she's angry, so beautiful when she's asleep ... jut .. so beautiful.

*He hesitates (well, who wouldn't), then decides to head for the chair.
*But at this moment, the cable breaks, and the "tent" collapses on top of both of them.
*It's just too hard to get out ... some days, it's just too hard.

*A trickle of neat gin from a spilled glass runs across the floor, and spreads over MK's bill. The red ink begins to run across the carpet.