h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* No, GB isn't sitting there anymore... It was just an image...

But Kes was still there, looking innocent and meek and mild, and proud of what he'd achieved...

It didn't seem as if he had a headache... as if he and she... and then he and GB... as if the photo hadn't been taken...

He seemed so innocent...

She glared, and said:

YOU!!! * he trembled.

*Kes sits on the end of the bed. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

*Now, Peaceful is angry with him for something he didn't do, and which he only tried in order to help her ...

*And neither of them seem to know quite what happened last night.

*And if he asked the direct question ... about whether she might be able to know or not ... no, well he'd rather assumed that, what with the convent and all.

*And his head hurts.

*Kes instantly think up the single sentence that will put everything right ....*

I need a drink - come on to the bar, Peaceful.

*Together, they shamble downstairs to the Bar*

*Good morning, dear reader.
This morning, when the maid comes to knock on the door, there will be no reply.
If she looks in, there will be no-one there.
Last night, they went to the bar, then out for a walk in the moonlight.
They have not returned.
They will walk, and think ... together mostly, then alone.

Kes might be in the bar, counting the bottles for the fourth time.*

*knock knock
GB looks around the door, sees the room as perfect as she had made it yesterday and goes off in search of the newlywed's. She was sure they hadn't gone! If they had, they hadn't paid their bill!

*knock knock*

*the Vicar walks in*

He looks around and decides to plant a web cam over the wardrobe. He sets about setting it up.

Ooh! Vicar! What are you doing!

*crosses himself*

Ah... just blessing the room for his Lordships impending nuptuals next weekend.

Next weekend???
*GB flees in tears....

Poor mite she is almost as upset as I. I don't want to see either of them married, it'll be too confusing for me to keep out of one of their paths at a time.

*As Kes and PE enter the Suite to retire for the night, they notice a gleam of reflected light from womething on top of the wardrobe. Kes investigates. It is a miniature camera. Assuming it to be the work of his brother, Kes pulls the cable from it, and throws it into the bin*

Come on, Peaceful - you get changed in the bathroom; I'll change here.

*Peaceful collects her night attire, and duly goes to the bathroom. They change.*

As Peaceful comes out of the bathroom, Kes carefully avoids eye contact. He goes to the blanket chest - where the "wall" of pillows are kept. He raises the lid of the chest, ready to start assembling the barricades once more*

* PE exits the bathroom without looking at Kes either... she is so mixed up, where to look - the room seems suddenly so big!!! And Kes is everywhere - she tries to look only at the floor.

* Moving very carefully, and speaking very clearly... afraid to say... afraid to speak... afraid to look...

Kes, I, we... we seem to be... how do you say it? We seem to be stuck in this situation... I must be...

* Her mind - already a blank, went blanker!!!!

Kes, I go to sleep, ok!!! We behave, ok?

Yes, Peaceful. We behave.

(What else could I do with my little convent girl, the little lady of Christ .... I wonder what her convent name is?)

*He closes the blanket box. Tonight the pillows will rest, as well*

Goodnight, Peaceful.

*A silent, blown kiss .... now lights out.*

*clatter of high heels
*knock knock
A very sweet-smelling GB opens the door with fresh towels in her arms...ooh, just the smell of the towels reminds her of last night.... She wonders how long the Honeymooners are staying, considering this room is booked out to another couple for this coming weekend.....well, it is for now, anyway...

* Yes - no vision. So whatever happened (or didn't) last night, is between the two of them.*

Thanks for the towels.

You're welcome, and er, when are you leaving? I have to er, prepare this suite for, er, other newlyweds

Oh! That's nice! Nobody bothered to tell us! We plan on staying until we've ... ah!

(Careful, lad)

We plan on staying for a while yet. I insist on speaking to the Manager. This is really not on, you know.

* PE enters! She isn't just furious, she is furious-furious!!!
She has quite a temper!!!

Que maluquice é essa? Me expulsar daqui? Mas nunca, jamais, em tempo algum!!!

Que coisa mais sem cabimento!!! Mas não vão conseguir. Ah, isso é que não vão!!!

I will have to think of a way to barricade. I will show them that if they think they can kick out a guest like that!!!

No, I will protest. Yes, and now I will have Kes to help me protest and translate!!!

* PE stops her ranting for a few seconds, to look at the food she had brought along... Sandwiches, lots of cheese, ham, lettuce, chips and lots of sardine cans, enough for ten days!!!!

This would be a glorious protest!!! They would not hunger, they would not thirst. They would not be removed!!!! They would protest until the proprietor understood that he had been wrong to evict them!!!

She sang a little song about little children going along!!!