h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

so, any tips to help me stay up there? because the way things are going at the moment... well, I'm having unheavenly thoughts... but dont tell Him....

Hmm, don't make the same mistakes I did. Namely:

1) Becoming Second in Command only to Him.

2) Sitting in His throne when he's out bowling.

3) Beginning to want to be equal to Him.

4) Asking Him for a pay rise.

5) Getting angry at him.

6) Demanding a position equal to His.

7) Storming out of the Holy City in rage.

8) Taking his Firey Chariot joyriding.

9) Crashing into the Pearly Gates.

10) Giving the finger to a very shocked St Peter.

Satan's Ten-Step Plan to Damnation!

Exactly.

(Grins infernally)

Sounds like a guide entry to me...
Although I assume with your busy schedule of using h2g2 to... what was it again? Oh yes "warp the fragile minds of these idiotic mortal computer nerds" (*raises an eyebrow*) you won't have much time to contribute?
*fans herself with her sunglasses*
Man, it's hot in here.
*produces a water spray and mists herself with it*
*looks thoughtfully at the spray*
*teasingly:*
Hmmm, wonder what happens if I do a Crowley and spray you with holy water?

It won't work. I'm wearing deoderant.

I'm thinking of contributing a few articles. My first is on my favourite number, 666. I've started writing an article on it.

Bwahahahaaa!! (infernal laugh for no particular reason)

ROFL!

sorry... was very close to joining you down there.... you know, with these thoughts it wont be long! is there space down there for me? and what would it involve?

Fallen angels become demons... with all kinds of powers. Better than the whole heavenly thing anyway. Bwahahahaaa!!
For example, you can possess people... and tempt them... and crush their spirits... and generally be really nasty and get away with it.
All you have to do is to give GOD - Almighty* the finger and jump down to Hell with me.

*Perhaps I ought to make it clear at this point that I mean the h2g2 entity, not the RL God...

Bwahahahaaaa!!!! Join me!!! You know you want to!!!!

LOL!

but... I mean... well.... erm....


that's all I have to do? but what awaits me down there? I mean I just made Arch... I'm not gonna throw that in without a better offer... sure there's temptation and all that, but is it as good...

*blushes*

well hello there.... see I have a bit of a feud with one of those angels, well, the FC one in particular... I was wondering whether there would be space for me near to you... well, possibly a partner or something (smaller, obviously!).. just so I could exact some revenge? I'm good at temptation... see the men I've led astray

*pouts*

oh please???

Well, you could become a demon or something... but are you an angel? Demons are fallen angels specifically. You could just be somebody really evil

hm... you mean I have to go talk to that GOD-Almighty and ask to be made an angel before I can become a fallen angel?? but they'll never let me in there... she's got so much against me... just because I ran off with her love....

cant we cut out the middle deity? you know I would look good at your side...

If you like... you could call yourself 'drop dead gorgeous demonic babe' or something.

hmm.. so do i get a pair of deep red wings? they'd look great on me...

and will there be an official thing, you know, to prove i really am a demon???

then I can take my place and cause temptation throughout all men...

Of course the wings would be the only thing you'd be allowed to wear!

fair enough *starts taking off clothing...*

*Goggles!*

Yes I think that's a definite improvement!


Y..Y..Ye...mmmmmmmmmmm

so when do I get those wings... they'll suit me...

If you insist.

(Satan strikes ddgb with his pitchfork. He makes two nasty wounds with the points, on ddgb's naked shoulders. Blood red wings sprout out. Two pointy little horns sprout out of ddgb's head, and a pointed tail sprouts out of the base of her spine. A red glow fills the room, lighting her glistening body. All the men in the room quiver a bit then faint. ddgb gives an evil cackle)

Bwahahaaa!! Another one converted to my cause. BWAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

I pronounce you 'Drop Dead Gorgeous Demonic Babe, Tempter of anything male'! Bwahahahaaaa!!!

Just be careful that the villagers don't burn you at the stake, that's all.

*Tweet looks unimpressed*