h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I agree that William McGonnigal is probably the worst poet in the world who truly beleived he was good.
However their is another famous terrible scottish poet. Walter McCorrisken happily admits that he is the worst living poet in the world 9or at least Scotland.) Here is an example of his great work:

"Dear Sir,
Never bite your fingernails,
It makes your fingers lumpy,
Never bit your fingernails,
Yours sincereley,
Stumpy."

"It is not written in the stars,
Nor written on the moon
It's written on the sideboard
And we'll have tae dust it doon."

A stroke of genius. Or maybe just stroke inducing...

That is truly bad. Until now, my favourite bad poem was in fact a McGonagall, called 'The Coo':
'On yonder hill there stands a coo;
If it's a no there, it's awa' noo.'

More, please.

Both these examples have a touch of wit in them. I do not think one can be deliberately bad without being somewhat humorous and humor immediately disqualifies one from reaching McGonigal's heights of awfulness.

I agree. McGonigal (I think) was trying to be serious. McCorrisken is definitely out to amuse. My favourite McCorrisken poem is his epitaph on a pet dog.

Here lies Spot,
His only fault - he peed a lot.
A quiet dog, he was seldom seen,
But you always knew where he had been.

If memory serves me correctly, I think he was appointed as a Visiting Reader at Strathclyde University. Or am I wrong?

I first saw Walter in The Admiral Pub, Bothwell St, Glasgow 1974.
The 'Scottish Worst Poet' competition was some years away, this night,
and others, he was simply doing one-night stands at various venues, culturising his talent.

Some of his best..

Twa big eyes,
In the dark gleamin,
They belonged to a wummin,
Who's man wis steamin...

A three legged dug
Rode intae Broomielaw
When asked 'Ir yi lookin fir yir faither?'
Awe naw,
Ave cum fir ma paw

At the end of the evening, I purchased a gestetner copy of his
works (25p), which he made himself, and which I still cherish. He even signed it. It could be worth a fortune..

Unfortunately, in 1982, some lovelorn chick, looking for a spare piece of paper, wrote the words of Captain and Tenille, 'Do that to me one more time!' on the back cover. Not only did she ruin the masterpiece, but she wasn't even ma burd!! Twa big eyes....change the words..!!!