h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

::Pulls out a "Bobo Control Pad" and pushes a button and then a cage made of "Bobo Spheres" materalizes into the room with Garius in it::
Mission Complete

*Looks chagrined.*

::Looks at his watch::
sure is taking a while
::forms a "Bobo Sphere" and starts throwing it up and down::

*A teleportation beacon activates, and transports bobo and GL (still in the cage) to the torture chamber, deep in the bowels of Krylma Mountain. An ominous feeling spreads through the room, and the lights dim. The PA system begins playing some all-too familiar theme music, and the doors to the chamber are opened by two Gecko Warriors. Minos Krylma enters in his usual dark cloak, with four Komodo Dragon Warrios entering slightly behind, but not far enough to prevent them from jumping to their leader's aid. Minos examines the prize in the cage and chuckles*

Well done, bobo! There may be a place for you in the higher ranks of STUMPED yet! It generally takes an extremely powerful NPC to catch the likes of Garius Lupus!

Now, Garius, our two organizations, CLI and STUMPED, have always been good business associates, especially when you consider the fact that both of us register the presence of the other as a threat. Let me begin by stating that I hope that this little endeavor of mine won't harm that relationship between our two organizations.

With that formality taken care of, I think you know what I want. I want to see you and Afgncaap5 out of the picture, but I also want to have continual use of your ingenuity. I'm not too proud to admit that the majority of my powerful equipment was stolen, borrowed, or purchased from CLI. Before I was forced into this realm by one of your inventions, I really only had technology advanced enough to make me a key player in a James Bond film, such as MoonRaker or The Donuts Are Not Enough, for reasons I am sure that you understand.

CLI supplies the technology through which Universal domination can be obtained. Yet, CLI also supplies both the technology *AND* the heroics to prevent the supervillains of h2g2 from malevolently spreading our wicked ways across the cosmos. So, what to do? What possible solution is there to this paradoxical problem that I posess? I'll tell you,....

*Minos heads over to a red curtain, with many spotlights shining on it. He pulls a cord, the curtain opens, and "Thus Spake Zarathustra" begins playing. A large device, to horrible to describe, can be seen. It is connected to two "helmets"*

Garius, this device is capable of probing into the creativity and ingenuity of any mind. With it, I can force any captured individuals to create, plan, scheme, and think up plans, inventions, schemes, and strategies that I can use! There is only one problem with it, however. Someone needs an incredibly weak will to sucumb to it properly. Now, GL, I either need you to voluntarily solve this slight mechanical glitch for me, or I will torture you with one of the mainy devices in this room. Your choice.

he he

by the way do I get a prize of some sort

*GL looks at the machine.*

Hmmmm. Not bad. Design it yourself? Uh, you might want to reverse the polarity on the isocatometer over there, though. *points*

As for willingly participating ... well, I think you probably know the answer to that one.

And as for breaking my will through torture... Ha!

*GL grins at KL for a moment then looks around the place carefully. A very faint ticking noise can be heard, difficult to locate.*

Slight raise in your next two paychecks, and a "Any Meal On KL" coupon (with my validating signature on it, of course) for T. G. I. Doomsdays. You may also stay to watch the torture if you want.

Of course I love torture but I was wondering if I could change my prize for your help with my "Clan of the Bobo" thing by mabey geting people to join but if you don't want to its fine 2 bonus paychecks are good

KL - we simulposted yesterday. Not sure if you noticed my post just above yours.

No, didn't notice at all. Thanks for pointing it out.


*KL sighs*

Garius, I don't believe you've ever experienced my specific brand of torture. While I'm not going to say that there haven't been the odd cases where people's wills lasted longer than my patience, they were generally dead or worse by the time I was through with them.

*KL heads over and switches the polarity as per GL's suggestion, after making sure that it won't have any ill-side effects*

I've been scouring the world for all of the best forms of torture. Surprisingly, Earth has nearly all of the best forms of torture, just short of the Total Perspective Vortex. Everything from the simple Water Torture invented in early China, to the gradual breaking down of a person's will through over-exposure to bad movies, a project devised by the evil Dr. Clayton Forrester.

In this laboratory I have everything I need for your purposes. The bad movie treatment, the Pit & Pendelum, Chinese Water Torture, Totemizer, the Roboticizer....yes, I believe that The Roboticizer invented by one Doctor Julian Ivo Robotnik. When done properly, the Roboticized individual transforms into a mindless, soulless abomination that exists only to bend to the will of the machine's operator. Generally, a painless process, and the lack of will-power on your part would destroy the creativity. But I'm left with two possibilities.

First, that you have already figured out how to fix my machine of that nagging problem. Second, that there is an alternative to the quick, instantaneous 100% Roboticization. Imagine, slowly, gradually becoming an entity of metal. Very painful when not done correctly.

And I assure you that I know what I am talking about. I don't allow myself to personally show up for these torture sessions any more, leaving finger prints is bad for business.

*KL removes his head, turns it to an angle, and shows the wiring and mechanisms within the neck. The head is replaced with a "click"*

There were some remains from my robotic counterpart at Lord Reflection's Mansion that I've pieced back together, GL. Now, would you mind telling me what that annoying ticking sound is? Robotic ears, after all. Is it a tracer or an explosive? Or something else?

*Thinks about the roboticizer and starts humming a tune.*

Oh, Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man
That he didn't, didn't already have.

Now, I think that I could stand being turned to tin.

As for the ticking, I was going to ask you the same thing. I have very good ears myself and can't quite pin it down.

Um...are you going to answer my question

As for your question, Bobo, I must sayt hat I've never supported any organization other than the Krylma legions and STUMPED. I didn't even support The Masque Of The Red Rejection eMail when he ran for President of h2g2. Sorry that I can't help, but I've gotta stick with my persona.

As for being made of tin, Garius, I'm afraid that's not an option. It's a special titanium alloy that your outer skin will be replaced with; your brain with a CPU, your internal organs with motors, your veins and arteries with electrical wiring.

And you forget one other thing, my lupine friend. The Tin Man actually had free will. Haven't met the Wizard yet who can give that back to a Roboticized minion.

Well, you've already pointed out the major problem with roboticizing me: you lose my creativity which is the principle thing you are after. Even if you progressively roboticize me, you'd have to leave my brain to last, and as long as I have control of my brain, I won't be submitting to your will. And I would still have my own free will.

So, you see, I have nothing to fear from roboticization, since I would become a robot with my own brain. In fact, there are some distinct advantages to such an arrangement.

Oh well
When is torture process going to begin

*Minos grins, and pulls down a standard Brain Helmet, and puts it on GL's head. He pulls the switch, the standard process of lights and electric arcs passes, and it stops. KL removes the helmet*

Your mind has just been flooded with all of the technical data and readouts about the machine. Now, while I know that your creativity would not work as a mindless drone, your memory still would. If I know you, you've already figured out what the problem with the machine is, and already know how to repair it. I'd rather you do it willingly, but I can afford the energy to Roboticize you, have you perform the necessary operations, and then De-Roboticize you. Then my latest evil scheme will be complete!

So, will you do it willingly? This is your last chance.

*KL snaps his fingers, and the Gecko Warriors begin powering up the Roboticizer*

CIRCUITS OVERLOAD! CIRCUITS OVERLOAD!

ABORTING ORIGINAL DETONATION SEQUENCE.

STARTING DEFAULT DETONATION SEQUENCE.

DETONATION IN 15 POSTS.


I found a use for my droid, too.

Actually, it's funny you should have thought of the same thing - did you read the thread where I suggested this to bobo? Once I was in the Clan, I thought I should help him. Then I thought of this and figured I could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. Bobo was already dealing with my droid on my user space (that's why I let him in in the first place), so I let him capture me. I don't think he knew about my little surprise, though.

Well I don't like that too much but I'll have to say you WERE a good member for the time being but as you know harming the emperor in any way, physically or mentally, will take away your membership so I guess it is just a waste of time for you destroying me
::forms two "Bobo Spheres" and wraps them around his body making a shield::
ha ha ha

I already took away your "Bobo Powers" witch includes "Bobo Sphere" making and I already disallowed your controller that I gave you and I also changed the placement of the door

*The robot Minos stares at "Garius" open mouthed for a moment while the "real" Minos contemplates. The robotic one pulls out his remote control at order from the real one, pushes a button, and teleports the false Garius (still in the cage) to another location*

Sent it to the garbage cavern a few mountains away. The explosion shouldn't harm any facilities here, I've been testing nuclear weapons there for months. But now, there remains one little issue,....

*KL turns to Bobo and starts screaming*

YOU DIDN'T CAPTURE THE REAL GARIUS, AND NOW HE KNOWS ABOUT MY MACHINE!!!!! As punishment, first you will not receive your next paycheck, and second you must step into "Torture Cell Number 6." You will watch Plan 9 From Outer Space, The Brain That Wouldn't Die, and Hobgoblins!

No, no, you couldn't have known about Lord Reflection's spare robots. So, to be fair, I'll give you one more chance to catch either Garius or Affy from either their User Space or from CLI. Now, GO!