h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Chav - The Modern Neanderthal - A3903400
Author: teamelectra - U985519

The Chavs, a "tribe" of aggressive teenagers existing within Great Britain. But do any of us know what lurks beneath the Chav mind? In this review, all can be explained about the primitive species which make Britain the butt of many jokes.

Hi Teamelectra,
An interesting synopsis of today's climate of fear, from you as a young person of discernment. I am surprised that you think that Chavs HAVE a brain! You do the Neanderthals an injustice, however, they were MUCH more intelligent than today's Chav street excrement thugs and bullies. Mind you, even the THUGEES were brighter than today's underclass of so- called 'youff'. Parents are to blame in the first instance, as you say, but the teacher's hands (and even their tongues) are tied by our somewhat misguided Human Rights laws, and even our law enforcement and law making authorities are rendered dumb and totally ineffective, and don't know how to control them or what to do with them. Of course, the parents of today's Chavs were Chavs themselves, and they too were never brought up; merely dragged up within their dysfunctional 'family'.
Don't pin a label on yourself. As a father and grandfather I can see and know an intelligent and good clean-living young citizen when I 'hear' one.
Good Wishes for your writing and a wonderful future of success and adventure.

Ronbloggs

I think this has potential to be an amusing entry, with a little editing. Do take a look at it again.

I would suggest that the second half of the opening sentence is modified to be more tongue in cheek.

This sentence may well be thought offensive to those who truly have ADD or autism. This & part of the preceding sentence could be deleted.

Are your statistics made up, or do they have some substance, in which case the source should be quoted.

Too many incorrectly capitalised words.

Your conclusion is too personal an opinion, without substance. Perhaps a summary would be better.

Now I get to make the pedantic punctuation post! (It includes grammar too, but I was just trying to be alliterative.)

aggresive --> aggressive

the reason why the morale of Britons is appalingly low besides Politics. --> could perhaps be changed to 'one reason, besides politics, why the morale of Britons is appallingly low.'

"Chavlings" --> 'Chavlings'

"bling" --> 'bling' (And also, does 'bling' have to be gold? Couldn't it be silver or something? Might be worth mentioning.)

Burberry -- what exactly is it? Is this a UK cultural reference that I'm completely missing? If so, some other non-Britons could be missing it too, and so a footnote might be requited (sp?). Let me know if you would like to know how to do a footnote.

the rules of the schoolmaster or schoolmistress -- how about 'the rules of their schoolmaster or schoolmistress' or 'the rules of the schoolmaster or schoolmistress of their school'? I'm not sure it's quite clear *which* schoolmaster/mistress in the great primordial soup of said members of society you're referring to.

Once at the age of twelve --> Having reached the age of twelve

(Roughly one in eleven Chavs) -- is this statistic real? If not, as Teasswill suggested, it should be removed.

restrict themselves to a certain number of cigarettes they smoke. -- this is awkward. Try something like 'smoke fewer cigarettes' or just 'restrict the number of cigarettes that they smoke.'

Female Chavs will also at this stage understand the joys of having sex. -- what about the male ones? Or are we going to be sexist then?

Most Chavs begin to breed at this time having understood the Birds and the Bees at an early age. --> Most Chavs begin to breed at this time, having understood the idea of the birds and the bees at an early age. (But is 'breed' really the best word? That implies that they're actually producing offspring, which may not be actually accurate, would it? Also, the inclusion of this bit in the previous paragraph implies that Chavs are breeding at the age of twelve -- most kids have not yet reached puberty at the age of twelve, which sort of puts some limits on their ability to 'breed'.

Having recieved low results on the SATs tests in Primary School, Secondary School-years look grim. --> Having received low results on the standardised tests in primary school, the secondary-school years look grim. (I would take out the reference to the SAT tests, since the same letters mean a completely different test in the USA and I don't really know what you're talking about in your cultural reference. If you do want to leave it in, add a footnote (see above reference to footnotes) to explain what said SATs are.)


At 14, the Chavs will begin to search for a good car with their new mobile phones they recieved in early years either as a present from their parents or if the mobile has been stolen from a Non-Chav (Mainly normal people) -- this sentence is incredibly clunky. I'd take out the mobile bit altogether, as it suggests that they're using their phones to find their cars. Is this really what they're doing? It seems sort of odd... but then, I don't have a mobile phone, so I wouldn't know what exciting things you can do with them aside from call people.

The Chav prefers an old car often a 1980's/1990's model --> The Chav prefers an old car, often a 1980s-1990s model.

and rude fuzzy-dice --> and rude fuzzy dice (But why are the fuzzy dice rude? I don't quite get it...)

The expected grades in school are often in Foundation Tiers, but most Chavs choose to learn Textiles in order to manufacture Counterfeit Burberry. ?????? Is this another UK thing? I'm really, really confused.

with one in nine Chavs who were able to make it through school without expulsion -- see above reference to statistics. If they're not real take 'em out.

Now they are out of school, few Chavs are willing to go to College. --> Now that they are out of school, few Chavs are willing to go to college. (I thought college was an American thing. Don't Britons go to 'university', or am I missing something really important again?)

The female Chavs will often begin work as Prostitutes or Strippers, but those with more intelligence recieve work as workers at Supermarket Checkout tills. --> The female Chavs will often begin work as prostitutes or strippers, but those with more intelligence receive work at supermarket checkout tills.

Male Chavs will often work for eiher the Drugs trade or will attempt to look brave by joining the Armed Forces, and only a small percentage will last more than one day in the Army. The most popular jobs now are Street-Cleaners and staff at Burger King. --> Male Chavs will often either work for the drugs trade, or will attempt to look brave by joining the armed forces. However, only a small percentage will last more than one day in the army. Popular jobs include street cleaners and staff at Burger King.

Jacob Marleys' ghost --> Jacob Marley's ghost

Macdonalds Resteraunt --> McDonalds restaurant

pop stars and footballers who are currently famous --> I think it's obvious that said pop stars and footballers are bound to be famous; the 'currently famous' bit doesn't really need to be there, don't you agree?

People wearing black make-up --> People who wear black makeup

japanese --> Japanese

Science-Fiction --> science fiction

Government Officials --> government officials (And what is T***s supposed to mean? I feel another cultural refernce coming...)

I agree about the last sentence; it seems a little abrupt.

Well, you need to do a bit of work, teamelectra, but I really quite like the whole idea of the entry and I would like to see it spruced up and made all pretty, so it can go in the Edited Guide. Good luck!

Being a non-native speaker, I have not heard the term "chav" until very recently. Suddenly, it seemed to be all over the (and this) place. But before that, nothing... no chavs. In fact, I had to do a google search when I saw the "does anyone have a chav relative" thread on ASK.

With that in mind, is it possible that the indignation with "chavs" that transpires through the article is, in fact, only a by-product of a current chav-mania? Put differently: what interests me here and what I would like to see in the article is a bit more, say, sociological background. When did chavs first surface? Were there any predecessors? Could it be that the Angry Young Men of the post war era would be Heavy Jewelleried Chavs today? If George Orwell had written 1984 in 2005 (instead of 1948), would he have had Winston Smith say "Our hope lies with the chavs" instead of "our hope lies with the proles"?

In my current home town, Berlin, Germany, there are no chavs, of course. What we have are "Prolls" (cf. the Orwellian proles). Prolls love BMWs, gold chains, Big Brother and very, very bad (German) rap music. One of the students I teach English to fits perfectly into this category - plus he also wears those dreadful Burberry caps. Despite all this, I have come to appreciate him as a thoughtful young man who, at the end of the day, is just trying to get by the best he can - like everyone else does.

Long story short: I would like to see either the tongue-in-cheek approach worked out more clearly, or (this is my preferrence) more serious, factual information and a bit more balance.

Y.

Being a native speaker who's been abroad, I hadn't heard the term before last year either, but having picked up on it, I hadn't realised it was specifically for teenagers. Which is my way of saying, are you sure it's teenagers and not just the whole boiling of a particular socio economic group?

Anyway, this was written with a decided swing to it, and it's rather fun on the whole. Did you know how cutting it sounds though? I conefess I did think 'Ouch, that's a bit harsh' a few times. And I come from deep within chav country...

Which brings me to a similar comment to above, that it's the term that's new, not the phenomena...

Perhaps a more in depth analysis (or at least a mention of) the whole socio economic thing, and an indication of who these people were before they were chavs? You could get a nice article out of tracing attitudes to this particular group out of that I reckon, and that way could really let yourself go in the cutting department as you are, afterall, clearly just describing 'what people say'. I think what bothered me was that it came accross as you personal opnion as the tongue in cheek think hadn't been clearly signalled, as mentioned earlier.

Umm, sorry, I really should finish thinking it through before I post.

I think as it stands it's a bit unfactual for the guide, as clearly it isn't actually true but a comprehensive summery, nicely done too, of what people mean by 'chav'. Probably all you need to do is add a sentence at the beginning along those line: 'Recently the UK has been hearing a lot about 'chavs'. But what do people mean when they call someone by this rather perjorative statement?' Although I'm sure you can think of a more entertaining way of putting it.

I still think it's not teens though. Back in my day they'd have been 'Essex boys/girls' or 'Sharons and Tracys' or Sharon and Kev' or something. I wonder why it changed?

I too like the 'swing' of this, but if its going to go into the edited guide it needs to become a lot less scathing. As Solnushka said, some of it is too 'ouch'. I don't mean to be too politicaly correct, but I think that a Chav might find it all a bit unfair. Did anyone see Julie Birchil's TV programme Revenge of the Chav, which pointed out that 'Chav' phenomenan is nothing new, and wondered if it was just a label put on lower class teenagers, by the Daily Mail.

Teddy Boys in the 1950s were a similar social group, they were lower working class but had cash to spend on fashions previously exclusive to the rich (Teds wore Edwardian Jackets, Chavs wear Burberry). Teds were flash and sometimes violent, and caused the same sort of moral panic as chavs do today.

If this is going to be in the edited guide, I'd like to see it a bit more balanced and a lot more factual. Otherwise, as an opinion piece I think its fun.

As a little note, this guide is not at all for amusement, this is meant to be serious, showing the outcome of all these infernal childrens' rights tommyrot (for want of a better description).

I do agree that the guide needs a bit of spit and polish, and I'll do that when I've the time.

Rear-Admiral X

So chavs are teens then? Deary me, I'd missed that ebtirely. I must be getting old...

What is Burberry?! I'm so desperately confused...

Fashioable apparrel (spelling!)

http://www.burberry.com/UK/home/main.shtml

I'm not sure that that is a correct inference. I see Chav culture as just another grouping (like mods/rockers, punks). The issue of children's rights has led to all sorts of other problems in society such as increased litigation.

... and teachers 'working bto rule', if that's the correct term i.e. not taking children on trips, visits etc etc.

(Actually, that's a bit of an issue with me because I believe the schools (in Britain at least) have been doing too much of what the uniformed youth organisations (Scouts, Guides, Cadet Forces etc) do far better. Schools should stick to classroom teaching).

That's what they looked like, too, when I was in London two years ago. All these little kids in uniforms in the Natural History Museum and the V&A running around and being loud and annoying. Simply from a student's perspective I like going on field trips, but when you're a serious tourist trying to get some historically-based sightseeing done it does get sort of annoying.

Well, I was really referring to camping trips, activity 'holidays' and the like. School teachers aren't as well trained to supervise these things as, say, Scout Leaders are (unless they're Scout Leaders themselves, of course - but then they'd be directing their attention towards the Scouts)

That's even worse - they cannot possibly have anything to do with the curriculum!

Just as well I've decided to do a Guide entry on neds instead of chavs

This really has great potential but my main worry is that you classify the likes of goths and skaters under the chav banner. They are totally separate and I'd suggest that if you're going to include the different 'classes', you make this clear.

That was something I was confused about, too. But I think what the article is trying to say is this: "From the chav point of view, people break down into these categories: goths, skaters, freaks (people who actually use their brains, which is highly suspicious from the chav perspective)." So I don't think that the article says "goths are chavs," but then again, I am not sure. Maybe this needs to be worked out in more detail, too.

Y.