h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It seems we're sharing some dental moments over at Lil's Atelier at the moment, but I'm going to restrict myself to describe my own experience here.

Be warned. Stop reading if you're squeamish.










My usual dentist discovered my two lower wisdom teeth, one on each side, were growing up diagonally. To my surprise, she refused to handle them herself and instead remitted me to the dental surgery department at the local hospital.

After having the first wisdom tooth removed, I thought 'this was no big deal, why didn't she handle it herself?'

The second one, though...

The root of the wisdom tooth had wrapped itself around my jaw bone. Meaning it couldn't simply be pulled out, like the first one.

Instead, the tooth and its root were drilled down into pieces, picked out one by one.

The drilling went on for more than ½ hour, and by the end, I had a quite large (and deep) wound in my mouth - so large, it had to be stitched together.

Afterwards, I felt so weary I sat down on a chair in the corridor and cried a bit - partly because the back of my head was hurting because the surgeon had been pressing down so hard when drilling. Partly because my mouth was hurting as well as the anastheisa wore off.

I called in sick to work, went home, took a painkiller and promptly fell asleep, completely exhausted.

The next day, I felt just fine, and went back to work. No swelling, no discolouring - nothing.

I was given a prescription for some antibacterial mouth wash that tasted but I diligently used it mornings and evenings.

One evening when I was brushing my teeth, I felt something stuck between my teeth at the back. Trying to remove it with my teeth and my tongue, I ended up spitting out a piece of green string with a few knots on it.

It turned out my gum had de-swelled so fast that the stitches had become loose. There was nothing left of them to remove once I revisited the hospital.

Being a fast healer can be a real blessing at times.

is the best mouthwash one can use

I can sympathise. (Actually, I suppose everyone can as nearly everyone you meet will gladly share their wisdom tooth extraction stories. )

Here's mine. I had two wisdom teeth removed at the same time. My younger sister had one to be removed as well so we had a double date with the dentist (OK. Oral Surgeon, but that's not alliterative.)

I was put under with general anesthesia so I don't remember the procedure itself, but I do remember my "recovery". The "recovery" area of this office was simply the end of a hallway with two or three recliners, a toy box and a TV atop a chest of drawers. As I awoke from the anesthetics, the surgeon had a nurse help me stand up. She turned to him to hear him say, "be careful with him, he's still a bit groggy" just as I missed the door and hit the wall. She sat me down in a recliner with a mouth bulging with gauze. Shortly after she left me, a young boy was being led back for some procedure and looked at me with fear in his eyes as his mother discussed something with the nurse. I stared back at him. I grinned and pointed at my gauze stuffed face, then pointed at him, then pointed at my watch, then flashed 5 fingers thrice. Translation: This will be you in 15 minutes. He turned ashen.

Later I grew bored with whatever soap opera was on the TV and was completely unaware of the remote control the nurse left in my hand. I tried to stand up to go to the TV to change the channel when gravity took notice of me. So I crawled there instead (still holding the remote). I climbed my way up the chest of drawers and stood before the TV. But rather than change the channel, I took great interest in opening the top few drawers to find more gauze and various other medical detritus. I then noticed the toy chest and climbed back down to the floor. While I was strewing toys across the hall (BTW, did I mention I was 20 at this time? ) my nurse returned and was quite distraught at the mess I'd made while she was away. She scolded me for risking a serious fall and sat me back down on the recliner. I then noticed that the TV was still tuned to a soap opera and then I finally noticed the remote control... now sitting on the chest of drawers beside the TV.

Anyways, I also had a stubborn wayward root that had to be chiseled out and had left a bit of a chasm in my upper jaw. There was also something small, but rather sharp, protruding from that hole. My sister and I returned to the oral surgeon's office one week later for our check up. She hopped up on the dental chair and the surgeon manually probed her mouth for maybe a minute while asking questions. How dentists can understand people talking with fingers in their mouths I'll never know. She was declared a hunky-dorey and now it was my turn.

Surgeon: "So, is everything OK?"
Me: "Weww, yeh... essef foh a sharff poin uff heawe."
Surgeon: "Is this the sharp point?
Me: "uhhhuhh" (nodding)
Surgeon: "Oh, well that's probably a bit of the tooth we stuck back in there to fill in the hole left in your jaw. Sometimes they wiggle back out. Nurse? Forceps!"

At this point, with absolutely no warning nor topical anesthetic, he grabs hold of this shard and starts to wiggle and yank it from my jaw. This feels just like have a small tooth pulled.

I grab his smock, sit bolt upright, and say, "STOP! I'm going to throw up!" He says, "No you're not." I say, "YES, I AM!" "No, you're not, you're in shock. Your blood pressure has just dropped through the floor. You couldn't throw up if you wanted to right now. Nurse, take his hand." She did, and she was cute, and I found it quite calming.

Anyway, he managed to yank out the splinter.

27 years later I still have a sizable dent in my gum. (And a good story. )

What a nice little bedtime story to tell kids

When I was 16 I had all my wisdom teeth out as they were growing the wrong way through my gums. The pain had been growing for some time and was thought to be something wrong with my ears until I met the wonderful Terence Ward at East Grinstead hospital.
Unfortunately the long neglect had caused my jawbone to lengthen on one side and a bit of the condyl was removed and the jaw reset, at 18.
Even more unfortunately the jaw rejected itself as a foreign body, so the rest of the joint came out the following year.
When I was 26 rather a lot of "ear" pain sent me back to East Grinstead where the wonderful Mr Ward had become Sir Terence and was President of the Royal College of Dental Surgeons, but saw me the day after I telephoned to make an appointment.
"Oh, that's not serious, " said he. "Just impacted wisdom teeth - I'll get them out for you next week." And he did.