h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Several members of the ACF Marine Corps and Navy rush to the edge of the pool, and begin construction of a strange looking device*

~large shaggy Red Dog arrives and starts barking out orders~

You there - get a defence perimeter set up AND GET THOSE RESEARCHERS OUT OF THAT POOL !!!

~starts to dig trench with front paws~

*Bounds in and surveys the work. Gives some encouraging words to the work crew. Helps Red Dog dig the trench for a while, then bounds off for the next Outpost*

*Naval officer runs over to Red Dog*

NO-Sir! Our direct orders on the blueprints given to us from the Krylma Leader specifically state that we are to first finish building our project, and then unleashing it into the pool so that we can make a demonstration of its power on the researchers currently swimming there. Do you wish to overwrite the orders, sir?

*The strange device is almost complete*

No - carry on carrying on.

~wonders what the strange device is for and what it will do to the researchers in the pool ..... recalls Isle of Dr Moreau~

Just what are you doing to my pool????

<BB<

It`s closed for the duration of the hostilities - orders of the Krylma Leader and the Anti-Cat Federation Council.

You are now part of the Cat War - go to A601174 for all the details.

ere - you`re not a spy are you ?

No - I'm just trying to swim. In *MY* pool.

<BB<

Shoo

*Busterbone runs in, arms flapping madly*

I say chaps anything I can do to....whoops...bugger...forgot the plane.

*Runs off, arms flapping even more madly*

Actually, everyone is free to swim in the pool while we build this thing. We're almost done now, too.

*Blows up several balloons*

*When no one is looking, surrepitiously lets air out of balloons and fills them with water.*

*The Device is complete. It's a large boat-like device that appears to be made out of some extremely durable styrofoam, with holes through which waterguns emerge and water balloons can be thrown. Strange looking paddles extend from all around it. KL arrives, as if on cue*

Ah, everything is finished! BBW, thanks for finishing the quota of water balloons that we needed.

And now, a few moments of silence for the swimmers in that pool, who will be subject to our water wars against the cats.

~first crew member * climbs aboard~

~grabs paddle with one paw, water cannon with another and two water bombs with the other two paws~

~falls over onto deck with a dull thud and a whimper~


* looking a bit like a large shaggy Red Dog with a battered leather flying helmet on head, ridiculously long white scarf around neck and sporting an obviously fake handlebar moustache.

*Busterbone appears in Sopwith Pup*

A boat like device eh?

It'll be tough but I think I can land this baby on the styrofoam foredeck.

Look out Below!!

Incoming!!!!!!!!

>SPLASH!!!!!!<

Will I ever dry out?

<BB<

*Throws a spare towel to BB. Cruises the pool, looking for felines.*

*KL tests a water balloon, lobbing it at a vacationing RSE. It explodes on impact, and the rubber from the balloon gets stuck in its throat. Being an RSE, it dies*

Oops. Since when do Red Suited Extras go to swimmin' pools? Other than the death, that was perfect. Since it's an RSE, I'll overlook it....

*Tests one of the pressurized water guns. It drenches another RSE. This one had a faint heart, however, and instantly passes away from shock*

Erg! Um, BlueBottle, maybe you should keep RSEs from the beach. Now, one more instrument to test,....

*Heads over to one of the large paddles, winds up a strange rubber-band powered device, releases it, and causes the giant paddle to create a tidal wave, drenching several dozen RSEs*

Um, okay, everything works. BB, I'll have a few workers come along shortly to clean up the corpses....

...But cats tend not to come to swimming pools either. I mean, you hear of doggy paddle, but is there a catty crawl? Pussy paddle? The feline front crawl?

<BB<

Siamese side stroke? Burmese breast stroke?

Nope. Never heard of them. You might have a point there, BB.