h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I had agreed to help with preparing the buffet for the wake early Friday morning. As I left my house I waved to my friend the morning moon. I had to pick up my repeat prescription then I was going to go to the chemist to get my meds on the way to Ian's, but I forgot, and arrived at Ian's clutching the prescription. So I just buttered all the breadbuns, made a platter of white cheese buns, ham buns, orange cheese buns, sliced some tomatoes and cucumbers, had a cup of tea, a hug & kiss with Ian's brother when he arrived, and went to my car to go get my meds. As I opened the driver's door, something flew past me and into the car, I thought it was a butterfly, and it went under my driver's seat. Corinne and Dave arrived so I called Corinne over and said there was a butterfly in my car. She looked but couldn't find it, so we hugged then I left. I drove as gingerly I could with my hitchhiker, a brown and orange moth which battered my windscreen and used up a lot of energy flapping its wings and getting nowhere. I had to smile as Ian used to tease my love of butterflies by saying they are just glorified moths... and I don't remember the last time I saw a moth during the day? Anyway, I parked up at the chemist carpark and managed to snap the little chap on my mobile phone before opening the door and allowing its escape onto a brand new bush behind my car. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155013287241185&set=a.10150329718346185.337183.655656184 Got my prescription, went home and walked to my front door to find rose petals outside the front door. Yes, I know the wind had blown one of my roses to bits, but still, it was an auspicious day to do it.

My best friend Lynda arrived on time and then my daughter Laura arrived with my daughter Helen and her fiancé Steve, apparently my son Allan, whom Laura was supposed to be collecting from the train station, had changed his plans as he didn't trust the train to get him here in time so he drove instead and his wife Linzi, who couldn't get the time off work, to get the train later when joining him for the wedding doo they kids were all going to later that evening. So the 5 of us piled into Laura's car (a tight squeeze) and she drove to the Spider's Web pub on Carr Lane, which was where Allan had driven to so he could then follow us to Ian's house.

Near Ian's house we parked up and I was able to collect a bearhug and kisses from my older son and I climbed in his car to be escorted behind the hearse after it arrived. At the crematorium I was overjoyed to see my brother and sister-in-law who had driven from Nottingham to support me. Ian's male relatives were taken to one side to act as pallbearers and I walked behind his coffin. Hardly saw anything or anyone as I was already crying but then there was an almighty scramble for the front row seat, I was overtaken by 2 adult granddaughters who got in next to their mothers, who promptly told them to sit behind as they wanted their husband/partner next to them when the coffin had been arranged. Which left room for me and Caroline's oldest son who is estranged from his parents on account of the keyboard warrior he married and her banning of his parents being allowed to see their grandchildren I am glad she wasn't there.

The service was typically Ian. No order of service, no prayers, no hymns, just humour. The entrance was to "The Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics, because Ian didn't get on with his dad but then he fell in the dock when drunk and Ian, age 16, had to go identify his body because his mother wouldn't go, which he only could recognise from the tattoo on his arm. I remember Ian choosing that for his service a few months ago, he played me the song and he cried. It's fair to say that experience scarred his life and he didn't have a religious bone in his body. He did take an interest in my spiritual musings though. The minister read what the family had prepared about Ian's life up to losing Margaret 5 years ago but then he went on to say Ian met some new people and one of them became a special friend, Ann, with who he found a joy in life again and how they had some lovely holidays and the family would like to say thank you to Ann for making Ian happy again.

That was very powerful. I sagged forward and gulped, I felt this howl building up, struggled to contain it but didn't quite succeed, if I'd been sat next to someone in the grips of such emotion I would have put my arm around them but I was sitting between two men I hardly knew, and they sat like statues. Caroline was at the opposite end of the bench and how I wish I'd been sat next to her or her hubby.

The second song was one I'd never heard before and it was something like "Don't bury me" and people were laughing (?) but I tuned it out and watched a blackbird trying to tug up a worm on the grass through the double glass doors beyond the catafalque holding the coffin with Ian's photo in front of it.

I don't remember anything after that until the last song, "Always look on the bright side of life" by the Monty Python crew, signalled us to leave. The grandson on the end walked straight out so I was first at the coffin, I kissed my hand then touched the brass plate on top, which I couldn't see as it was so high up but I knew it had Ian's name on and then I felt my sister's hand take mine and escort me outside where we wept in each other's arms.

The family floral tributes were lovely, my son has a photo of my wreath so as soon as I have it I will endeavour to publish it here. I was pleased to see Richard, Harry, Jack and Jackie from the cancer support group and also Helga and Stacey the cancer nurses were there so I had a group hug with them. After inspecting the flowers we all trooped back to Carr Lane social club which had been Ian's regular watering hole for 50 years. Standing at the gates was my younger son Andrew, clutching a bunch of white chrysanthemums so Allan opened his window and yelled to him (Andrew was texting me because he wasn't sure if I was already in the club and he wouldn't go in alone).

Before we went inside, I had a photo taken with all 4 of my kids, which is comparable to herding cats. I have no idea how long we were in the club but around 3.30pm my brother Keith said he and his wife Mo were going to call in at Mum's and have a cup of tea with her before heading to Leeds as they were babysitting for one of Mo's sons that night. About half an hour later my sister Yvonne got a phonecall from Mo, they had walked into Mum's house to find her still in her pyjamas, drinking water, she had had nothing to eat, an unemptied commode, blinds not drawn, used Tena Lady on the toilet floor, you can imagine, all the stuff the morning carer takes care of, and *I* do on a usual Friday, except I had re-engaged the morning and lunch carers that are normally cancelled, not once but twice, as I didn't trust them to do it the first time. My fault, I should have rung the care agency a THIRD time to ensure that two carers would show up in my absence. Luckily Mo was able to sort everything, get Mum organised and dressed, fed, commode emptied, & they left a note for the tea carer to check Mum over but apparently she hadn't been in any distress (must have slept the day away) and wasn't that hungry but she must have missed her morning cup of tea I know I can't function without it

So, the day ended on a bum note, I am at my wit's end with that care agency and I hope Mum has forgotten all about it when I see her this morning. My older son left earlier than us to go collect his wife from the train station so that was an emotional goodbye with me and his sisters and his younger brother, but we will all see each other in Manchester in a fortnight for Helen's wedding

Laura brought me home with Helen and Steve and they popped in to collect the newspaper I bought for Helen's keepsake box which had Ian's announcement in. I showed her my wedding hat which I have customised with different feathers (substituted the blue-dyed chicken feathers for peacock feathers I found in a craft shop for £1 for 4) and as far as I know that hat is unique in the universe and I am thrilled with it. This morning I'm going to the shoe shop near Mum's to collect the sparkly shoes I ordered last week as they didn't have my size and I am going to buy the matching handbag too. Mum will be the first to see them so hopefully the thrill will take her mind off, if she remembers what happened yesterday (I hope she was asleep rather than fretting and worrying why no-one turned up to make her ) must dash, RL is calling.

Again, I will say: Thank you for your support everyone, it has been a major source of comfort for me. I've been able to unburden myself here and your advice and and and and or just loving listening ears have been priceless. I have the best friends in the entire galaxy

I'm glad the funeral reflected Ian, that's just how they should be. I still smile when I think about my husband's very upbeat, humorous funeral, more than 11 years later.

Sorry the day ended on a down with your mum, I hope she's suffering no ill effects today. It must be frustrating to deal with those carers.

Deb

I'm pleased to report my major distraction technique worked a treat (see Mum update journal)

You're just amazing. And so was Ian. Go with God, buddy.

Can you hear the sound of fences being mended? Carrie informed me this morning that she and her hubby spent from 3pm-9pm yesterday in the company of their older son, his wife and their daughter who is almost 3 and they have only seen their lovely granddaughter a handful of times since she's been born (and there's another on the way). I am so happy for Carrie as it was a subject that could reduce her to tears if she allowed herself to think about what she was missing out on (I won't go over the details, but the police were involved at one time so it was very serious indeed).

gosh... some slightly good news on the horizon for you at last!- about time coming in my hope it continues to last for you, your certainly in need of some good stuff happening now

yes indeed and we have Saturday to look forward to, Carrie and Andy have been married 25 years and are having their vows renewed in church, followed by a carvery meal and as it's all happening Saturday afternoon that means I can attend

A for Carrie. Glad she's had good news.

It couldn't be better and if all goes well they will also be at the vow renewal. I will be snap happy to record for posterity and I am so grateful to still be included in their family

I am deeply sorry for your loss, Annie

Thank you.

http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap160428.html

I knew I was right

He's out there amongst the watching over you with love

Thank you for writing this out - I feel for you so much



I've written something out, but you don't need to read it if you don't want - I just haven't written it out before, and it came out, and I'm sorry.




Mine was a hard day because my partner was supposed to have gone to work in a University, but they didn't want her after all, so the service was't quite as planned, but I was lucky that the family welcomed me and allowed me a with the family flowers and I was mentioned for the happiness we shared I was also lucky that I had to sit with the other wheelchair users but I had a good friend to my left and my mum was in a seat to my right. I couldn't sing so they just touched my shoulders and I was OK, then I ran out and found a mossy stone to ground myself. It was good for all her friends and colleagues and family to meet each other in the pub, and then I caught a glimpse of her sitting outside the pub as we left, so I liked the auspiciousness too

to SashaQ

h2g2ers are awesome indeed and I'm so glad GB gets comfort here too

Sasha - getting it all out is important - and typing is much easier than speaking the actual words! I went through similar circumstances 12 years ago with my Dad - even now I can't read the journal "a golden heart stopped beating" back but it was such comfort to me at the time.