h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I know that this must be so very hard on you both, and for everyone else who loves Ian. My thoughts are with you all.

Deb

Thanks for listening and responding - it's real tough right now. I know time is short and it is tearing me apart. I am torn between wishing it was over and praying for more time with him but that makes me feel so selfish

Don't feel bad. Even from just reading your journal entries I can tell how much you love Ian, it's natural that you don't want him to suffer but you don't want him to go.

You feel how you feel and that's just the way it is, there's no shame or selfishness. I was lucky with Jeff because it was the side effects (odema) that got him before his cancer could get messy. He was up and eating dinner the day before, which I'm forever thankful for, but I would have given anything for some extra time.



Deb

You be as selfish as you need to be my lovely

Of course you are torn. We all are in situations like this. And that is why all here understand and support you

thank you all for understanding. My darling #1 daughter took me out for Sunday tea and we had a very naughty dessert as well it was lovely to have some "me time", the meal was wonderful and the company was first class.

Me time is essential. You can't be strong all of the time.

We all wish there was something we could do to fix things.

Let me only offer this http://www.beliefnet.com/prayers/protestant/addiction/serenity-prayer.aspx



F S

Many hugs to you both. Reading this after so many years offline.

*hug*

It is such a cruel, unfair disease... love to both of you

{Thanks for listening and responding}

No, thank *you* for writing and sharing.

And still hoping for some good times ahead

"they" can say what they want about hootoo, but we have something that "they" don't have and that's internet camaraderie, a family type bond

Even if some haven't met yet, there's still an invisible bond linking us and like a true family - we support each other!!!! in more ways that can be wrote...

with yah Babe

I HAVE been reading this while shut out of this account. Now that the magicians have restored it, I send you love on here again

Thanks everyone, your wonderful support means a great deal to me

The appointment with chief Dr Roy yesterday went well, he is an excellent doctor,

When Ian complained of breathlessness, he ordered an immediate, urgent scan (we are still waiting for the scan post-radiotherapy from Castle Hill hospital) because he suspected a bloodclot on Ian's lung (apparently he is prone to them now). This is a worrying development as it can be fatal but to be honest I was relieved compared to what I thought I was going to hear, that the cancer had spread to his lungs (remember his heavy cough).

Helga was with us through the appointment and she wasn't her usual cheery self although Ian did manage to make her laugh.

When we left we went to the ward for his picc line flush and as he was settling in with the nurse Caroline & I went to the pharmacy to collect the new prescription of the syringes which Caroline is jabbing in his tummy daily. The dose will be upped if the scan reveals a clot on his lung.

Ian weighed 90kg.

Today is the cancer support group at Scartho, bit of a mess about for us carers as I have a dental appointment at 3.30pm so I can collect Ian and drop him off, then go to my appointment, and Caroline can collect him after her doctor's appointment (I think she said 3.50pm) but if she gets delayed she can ring me and I will go back to collect him and deliver him home. Must go deliver Mum's shopping now and am looking forward to seeing my sister there, we'll have lunch together before I head to Ian's. My car Ruby has been an absolute godsend,

O Ruby....don't take your mum to town....that's Kenny in my head all day!

And you succeeded in spreading the joy, FWR...

Thank you