h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Tentively gets in the lift and pushes the requisite button*

*waits for lift to return, steps in, going up*

*coming down*

*steps out, without Springie and champagen bottle now*

Anything I can do to help?

*hears a particular sound from café upstairs*

Uh... I'll be right back!

*disappears into lift again*

/* Finds himself in a room with GL talking about blowing things up, decides he hasn't climbed enough ladders, and proceeds up the next ladder leaving the safety of H2G2 in the hands of a , a rat, a wolfman, and a mad scientist, and as if this sentence was not run-on enough already, follows Lil and Munchkin into the elevator to what he hopes will be the A. Café. */

*hops to edge of hole leading down to tunnel. Ears twitch*

It seems that nasty Heart-of-Darkness thingie has gotten through the net. Oh dear, and I believe the air is freshening. I fear I've lost count, is this the seventh updraft?

*steps out of elevator, c(_) in hand*

Sorry for being so long - it felt so nice and safe and warm in the café that I dozed off...

Through the net! Oh no! That means it's right below us, even now! We HAVE to do something!

*Looks around wildly.*

Is there something we can dump down it's aorta? Why is there never a tub of lard around when you need it?

*red eyes glow triumphant*

heh heh heh Styx and Wolfboy thinking same way! 3rd and 12th platoons bringing wagonloads of spam from spam mine. Rats still feeding sewer monsters.

*barks rattish* *small wagon train appears out of fissure on ledge near barrels*

Feh! Even rats don't eat this stuff.

*peers down hole at HoD* Oh, I see, the net held nicely, it's bits of the wall that have come away. My but he's quite a broad monster, isn't he? If the updraft catches him he'll be stuck fast.

*realizes she has to act fast while things are still going down the hole, she spins her sock and half brick and shouts her war cry*

You're not nice, I don't like you!

*she lets fly, or at least lets go of, the sock and it strikes the HoD on the head (well, on it's top). Miraculously, she does not fall in.*

Hee, hee, hee. That was rather fun. Do you supose he'll be mad?

*suddenly the gravity of her action sinks in, and she runs like a frightened rabbit...er...bunny, sorry*

<>

*thinks that Styx and his platoons have the situation well in hand*

I think I need a - I'll be upstairs, just in case...

*enters lift and disappears*

*The HoD is swaying dizzily, just under the hole.*

Okay, rat-ants, now's your chance! Throw that spam down it's aorta! That stuff has gotta be worse than plaque.

*dodges falling spam*

Even us mice have -some- limits on what crumblies to munch.

*Blinks*

GL, I just had a thought. Given the HoD's basic anatomy, he won't be able to live long with that Slimy Spice Ham. We'll be left with either two choices when we re-capture it: either let it die, or risk coming in contact with the Spam ourselves. I don't like either option.

*Wonders how much better Spam would taste without the slime*

salty















not that I'd know, of course.

I thought of that too, Affy. I figured the spam would subdue it enough for us to capture it and take it back to CLI. Then we could try out our new surgical laser and perform a remote laser spamectomy. That might be kinda fun and it has the advantage of vaporising the spam so that we don't have to touch it. And I just got the joystick port working on the laser, too!

Cool! Say, GL, after the spamectomy, do you think it would damage the equipment if I used it on a certain videogame?

curles up in a nearby towel (this -is- the 'Linen Closet' after all )

curles up in a nearby towel (this -is- the 'Linen Closet' after all )