h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We're looking for chefs, waitors, waitresses, pasta makers, dishwashers or whatever. Mama Peta's requires cleanliness, a taste for all things Italiano and a very bad fake Italian accent from it's staff. If you fit the profile nad see a post wich needs filling post below. Grazi.

I would like to be the good-looking Italian girl who meets, greets, and seats people and walks around eating off everyone's plate and announces the bands and gives out free booze.

I have been a promoter, hostess, MC and Italian girl for most of my life.

What else do you need to know?

I'll just take some of the free booze, please.

By the way, have I ever mentioned just how good-looking you are, Krissy dear? *bats eyelids*

Hah! It's not that easy. You have to have a gut-pack meal and spend spend spend! Should I get hired, I will only give free booze to the regulars, so make a reservation.

Well, I'm gettin' in early to be the restaurant's token drunk. I figured there would be a lot of competition, so I got here early.

Now can I have a drink?

Yes, but only if you sit at this end of the bar in a slightly disheveled suit and say "Buena Sera" to everyone that comes in...

That's it..that's it.. raise the wine glass. Hmmm...that looked good.

DD, what do you think?

*sits down next to Spartus to practice saying -bonaSAAAAYda- and not -Buenos Aires- because it is absolutely vital to his character as a drunken fool*

Buenos noches, KM.

And, er, uh...bonaSAAAAYda, everyone else. *blearily salutes with wineglass*

*nodding* He needs a hat. A straw one.

*excitedly* Can I wear sandals and an ugly Hawaiian shirt, too?

I'm gonna need a drink with an umbrella in it then, too...*runs off looking for that ridiculous zinc oxide stuff to rub on his nose*

No no!! A suit! A suit!

Sheesh... you have no idea how old, drunk, Italian men dress. You're meant to schnazzy up the place with some old-world looks, not act like you just wandered in off the beach!

*hands Spartus an order to hang out with her Great Uncle Mario for several days* He'll also teach you how to say "Aks" and "youds" and "bruddah".

Hee hee...I get to say "Aks"???

YAY! I love this job.

*akses people if they're having a good time*

Yep LOL!!

And when people aks you how yo' day was, you smile and wave your hand drunkenly and say "fuggeddaboudit"

A study example: When you ask my Uncle Mario when he's leaving after a visit, or what time his flight is, he always looks at my grandfather, shruggs and says, "I dunno. Aks my brudda."

*chortles incomprehensibly, mumbles, passes out straight into the tray of peanuts*

*whaps Spartus on the back encouragingly*

That's the idea!! Someone get this man some fagioli!

I would do if we actually had a chef.

How about a washer-upper?

Hired.

Good. Now it means that I won't be that confused as to what to do where, as I wash up in the Aroma Cafe too. (Which also has a conversation called "Now Hiring" ).
So, you going to add this to the Guide's Guide club thingy?

Can I please be the waiter with the heavy Italian accent that always has to repeat himelf because no one understands him?