h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Verawn has a pretty good imagination. He's probably come up with something worse. [gesture] What were the coordinates?

*searches the computer for the coordinates*

This is odd... I can't find them...

Sorry, I think the fact that we're in my Death Star may be screwing up the computers. Hang on.

*Peregrin fiddles with his remote control. The Death Star wanders away, and harmlessly destroys a few major star systems.*

Right. Alien, I think you know where the small pink alien is. Look, I'll give you this if you tell me!

*Dangles shiny plastic necklace in front of Alien's face*

Oops, sorry, wrong technique. That's for primitive tribes isn't it. Hmm...

*Peregrin considers threatening to disembowel Alien, but decides not to because he's wearing a nice suit today*

I know. If you tell me where it is, I'll give you a SEP field generator for your space station.

*Dangles shiny SEP field generator in front of Alien's face*

"Hold on," said Aerol. "I think ..." He typed something in. The screen changed. "There we go. The programming for that block had Verawn written all over it."

Oh right... and we've got three thousand, seven hundred and forty six emails from Verawn titled 'I LOVE YOU'.

You too?
*Doubles up in pain as the symbiotic link with his spaceship's Mainframe transfers virus to his brain*
Ouch! this is the downside of the Information Age!

[reading screen] Huh. That looks like the coordinates for two hundred thousand kilometers to the left of the Orion Nebula. Let's go there. And get ready for mischief. And let's have a hold on the story on the grounds that I leave for Washington, DC for the entirety of next week.

Peregrin, now I know how to make that Death Star of yours fit into your hangar!! Just use that SEP field with it!! Why didn't I think of that earlier... And no, I won't tell you where the pink alien went unless you tell me why you're chasing it...

*pink alien appears from around the corner, notices Peregrin and starts running fast to the opposite direction with P right behind it*

Oh well... Never mind...

*Peregrin runs straight into wall*

I haven't got the hang of this low gravity field yet.

The small pink alien owes the Outland Revenue a total of six pence. They're paying me several thousand pounds to bring it to them dead or alive.

I don't question the logic, I just do my job...

Please don't kill it here... Did you get the DS into your hangar?

[Jar-Jar Binks walks in and says, "Me-sa back!" He then seems to take off his head, revealing it to be a mask that had been obscuring YK's head.]

"Can we get on with the story then?"

[still Jar-Jar voice] I speck.

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent," said Aerol. "Now let's go back."

[Jar-Jar voice] No, me-sa stay! Me-sa yo homble servant! [Qui-Gon voice] That won't be necessary. [Jar-Jar voice] Oh, bot it is! Tis demanded by da Gods it is! [imitates blaster fire, then Jar-Jar] OH NO! [swings his lightsaber around, blowing up the computer terminal. Jar-Jar voice] Oi, you saved my again! [Impersonates Ewan McGregor impersonating Alec Guiness] What's this? [Qui-Gon voice] A local. Now let's get out of here before more of them get here. [Jar-Jar voice] More? More, did you spay? [realizes that this isn't as funny anymore and that he has to pay for the terminal he blew up]