h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Visiting Mrs palm and her 5 lovely daughters. Yanking the plank. Groping the rope.
I think about this too much don't I?

I know this is actually more to do with going to the toilet, but it can still be relevant

Syphoning the python

Ok, I better stop here, otherwise after people start looking at all the posts I have done, they will think I only have sex on my mind

No

By the way the correct spelling is mastUrbation

You can also wear them as hats

This will ofcourse only work when you're a dickhead

I somehow doubt it. If you are going to use a condom, use it what it is meant for! Sexual relations with a member of the opposite sex!

Or a member of the same sex in certain circumstances of course.

On the subject of whether condoms aid a good w**k or not,
I have it on good authority that ribbed and dotted ones on certain
battery driven marital aids work wonders.

Five digit moutain climbing is a personal favorite. as is bashing the bishop. (see what bishops look like in chess!!)

maybe..but they don't help your spelling!
If you're going to deck her cover your pecker.
If you're not going to wrap it go home and slap it.

or don't come until you do????

There is nothing wrong with my spelling

MastUrbation is correct and Masterbation is a sin against the Lord
Jesus and his Heavenly Host of spelling bee police.

I need to lie down now as I have a slight swelling and need my blanket

Christina

Personally, I prefer "hitchhiking under the big top" appropo for this venue

Choke the chicken, clean the pipes

This was on a bog wall round here recently:
Two condoms were going past a gay bar. One looks to the other and says "Fancy getting sh_t faced?




Sorry about the _. I'm not sure if you're allowed to swear here without getting revoked.

GO FOR IT BIG BOY.....LUBE ONE UP FOR ME...YEAH OH YES ARGHH WOW.

I hope this doesn't become some kind of prelude to an overt display of homophobia?
What next guys? Jokes at the expense of Pakistani's, or Black people?

Puhleeeease a person's sexual orientation is no longer a cause for ridicule or public humiliation.

Thank you WhiteCrow, I now get time to get on my high horse.

Firstly i am not a saint, but I really don't like jokes that are down right discrimintry, but also when does a number of 'harmless' jokes turn from just having fun, and turns in to some form of discrimination?

Anyway, people should think a bit before putting in jokes that may discriminate against someone (or a part of the community).

Wil you all stop going Onan on about this.

What is wrong with going on and on?

Since I posted the remark above I've had to face "condom masturbation" on my home page forum list everyday.
Hopefully this will make it go away to be replaced with just a little embaressment.

It didn't work. Oh well.
Woody Allen described it as sex with someone you love.