h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*R welcomes JB and the others...it was as if he'd been expecting them...*

Hi R, so what have you planned for me this time.

*JB reaches out to touch a black metalic object on the work bench*

R: Noooooo!!! Don't touch that!

*...R cries, but it's too late... Bond touches the black metallic object, and it starts emitting strange beeping noises... JB jumps back, half waiting for an explosion to blast the roof off the building... Nothing like this happens, though... The black metallic object continues beeping while R is looking at it in horror... Finally, the beeping stops, and with a click, two toasted slices of bread jump out of its top...*

R: See what you've done... They will be all cold and hard by lunchtime... Argh... Why can't you keep your hands to yourself...

...And no, I haven't planned anything for *you* this time... Nobody cared to tell me you were coming... And nobody cared to tell me where the Aston Martin was... Ah... Bond...

*The last "Bond" is pronounced with obvious disgust, something like "Bawned"...*

L: Look, Mr R, we aren't here to quarrel... We need to build a space shuttle...

*He takes R away from the group and starts talking to him...*

*E sighs*

James, not again...

I don't know... I wish I had a genius like R working in my lab, but here he is, without the equipment, without appreciation, and he manages to do all *this*!

*L and R seem to have finished the discussion, and return to the group to communicate the results...*

R: This is more than fascinating... This race has all the technology we've been trying to achieve for ages... I think we'll be able to build the shuttle this young man proposes... With certain modifications...

What kind of modifications...?

*Affy's dead body can be vaguely seen being unloaded from the cargo hold of the sub. No one seems to notice, though*

*Felix walks over to R and whispers something in his ear*
R: Yes Mr Lieter, there will be guns
*Felix breathes a sigh of relief*

Need a longer ladder for the chopper.

*Felix retires to select new arms for the new mission*
Back in a while guys!
*Sounds of gunfire eminate from felix's vicinity, along with noises of 'No, I want a BIGGER bang*

*L looks a little impatient...*

L: Well, R, we must hurry and build that shuttle as quickly as possible... The Krylmans probably are monitoring us... We must be ready before they realise what's going on...

R: NOOOOOOO!!!

L: Excuse me? What did you say?

*L realises, rather belatedly, that R hadn't meant him... He turns to see what's happening... It's James Bond, drawing his hand away from what looks like an ordinary teapot... Of course, it's not... It's an _ordinary teapot_...*

R: Excuse me, Mr Liebe, but I can't leave this person unattended...

E: Don't you worry, R, we'll take care of him...

*R still doesn't look totally convinced, but he agrees, telling the others to have a very good look at Bond, and he and L retreat to the back...*



*L approaches and mentions the others to come to the back of the room, where R is waiting... All gather around him...*

R: Well... I suppose it's ready... A space shuttle...

*wipes a tear from his eye*

R: To be frank, I didn't think I'd have the honour to construct one myself... Old Q(RIP) had been working on a similar device... But he never worked it out... That's why we were able to build it so quickly... We just replaced the parts that didn't work with what this young man sketched out as blueprints... I must say that I'm quite surprised by his memory...

*L blushes slightly and looks away to cover it...*

R: Anyway, it's still full of Q(RIP)'s original gadgets... You know, the ones he intended the space shuttle to have... Most of the weapons are from Q... I strongly suggest that you don't let Bond...

*-the Bond being pronounced to show all his disgust and mistrust, as in Baw-ned-*

R: ...drive this thing... You should give it to someone who won't wreck it after the first 1000 km...

*The 6 of them inspect the shiny thing that R presents closely... "It looks cute" is BB's thought... "I wonder what speed it can go at..." is what Bond thinks... They all agree that it looks like it *can* fly to space, though...*

So when is lift off?

I'd imagine it would be as soon as we work out the exact co-ordinates of the space station...

And what environmental impact will lift-off have on the surrounding area? Have you considered noise pollution aspects as well as the direct problems of fuel leakage and booster disposal systems?

*Volk replies to BB*

We Atlanteans have long ago solved such environmental problems - after all, we live in what is essentially a closed environment. In short, the shuttle will have no environmental impact. It will, however have a space station impact.

I believe our enemy mentioned that he is located at Alien's space station, located at http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=35868&thread=44479

*Felix comes back tooled up and shaven of head*
I had to look the part
I do believe a take off is in order
*Felix climbs aboard*

*A television moniter snaps on. The leader of the Krylma is grinning*

Took me a while. Still no idea if this is going to be the correct coordinates to send the signal to. However, I suppose we must eventually . . .

*A whispered voice can be heard*

What? We're live?? Oh, uh, Bond! Liebe! Volk! I know that you are probably planning on coming up here. Come alone, or else. Trust me, you won't like what will happen to you three up here. Just do what's best, and leave your friends out of it. Meanwhile, Bond, why not try and kill Volk right now? I mean, why stop hating him, right? Kill him now, worry about me later. It'll save both of us trouble.

*The figure grins and the moniter goes off*

*E looks at Bond, Volk & Liebe*

You can't go up there on your own...

*E looks at Liebe*

You're not leaving me...

*Felix looks crestfallen*
Damn, and I went for the Ripley look for nothing...

One way or the other, we will get on that station, you can't leave the CIA out of this... we're American