h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Guys, can you help me out with an article I've been asked to do for 'When Saturday Comes'? I'm looking for examples of music played over the PA at footie grounds - before the game, after the game, as the teams run out, or when a goal is scored by the home team. I suppose the most common records heard at are generally pretty dreadful ones, often by Queen: 'We Will Rock You', 'We Are The Champions', 'Simply The Best', 'Rockin' All Over The World' - but I'm looking for quirkier choices too.

At Valley Parade we seem to have a DJ with a good selection of 70s/80s punk-era records, so we're treated to The Piranhas' 'Tom Hark' when City score, and sometimes after the game too. When Nicky Law was the manager, City victories would bring an airing of The Clash's 'I Fought The Law (And The Law Won)' - and of course, we've often also had The Skids' 'Into The Valley'.

So, what improbable ditties have you heard on your travels around the grounds?

Barnet have a special version of Modern Romance's Ay-Ay-Ay-Ay Moosey called Ay-Ay-Ay Love Barnet - available now from www.barnetfc.com

It seems one of the original band members is a fan. It features lyrical gems like "Giuliano Grazioli, he keeps on scoring goals / with Ginger Bailey in midfield we'll never need Paul Scholes" and got stuck in my head the first time heard it at Underhill - I've since bought it and it's now firmly lodged in my housemates' bonces as well. Complete lyrics available by request

They also always play 'Satellite' by The Hooters if you remember that (don't know why) and a novelty instrumental one that I think is called Wheels Cha Cha Cha, which the fans also sing.

(you wouldn't guess I've reported on Barnet's last four home games, would you?)

Argyle always run out to a John Philip Sousa march called 'Semper Fidelis', which is a bit different if nothing else - and we have done since time immemorial save for a short hiatus during the reign of Neil Warnock, who replaced it with the ineffably naff 'Simply The Best'.

I've heard the Liquidator at West Brom and Wolves (and accompanying chants of, depending on location, either " off Wanderers - West Brom!" or " off West Brom - The Wolves!" or at least I think that's what they sang in both cases) but also at Yeovil Town.

At Charlton they play the extremely appropriate 'Into The Valley' by the Skids, plus a Charlton-based version of 'Mull of Kintyre' which if the lyrics are anything to go by is entitled 'The Valley, Floyd Road'.

One of the best half-time song experiences I had was away at Orient - they put on 'I've Got A Brand New Combine Harvester' by The Wurzels, presumably intending to take the mickey, and instead of getting annoyed half of the Argyle fans opted just to sing along to it...

Songs played after goalscoring - this season I've heard Watford play 'Woo Hoo' by The 5678s (you know, the one off that Carling advert) and QPR go for 'Papa's Got a Brand New Pigbag'.

Pre-match music at QPR is pretty good - last time we got The Jam, Franz Ferdinand, The Strokes and The Libertines (Pete Doherty is a fan, I believe).

Bradford Park Avenue always play 'Electric Avenue' by Eddy Grant post-match.

I'll try and remember some more, but it all blurs into one after a while!

Oh yes, the best pre-match musical experience I heard came at the Scarborough v Southend FA Cup 3rd Round Replay last year - as you might remember, a home tie against Chelsea was at stake. A full house turned up at the Theatre of Chips, and they played a few Queen songs before kick-off but either the CD ran out or they decided the fans were doing quite nicely on their own thank you very much - the music stopped and some bloke shouted "Just keep singing!" over the tannoy.

**sings in an annoyingly raucous voice**

Any old iron,
Any old iron,
An-y an-y an-y old iron,
You look neat
Talk about a treat,
You look dapper
From your napper
To your feet,
Dressed in style,
Brand new tile,
And your father's old green tie on,
But I wouldn't give you tuppence
For your old watch chain,
Old iron, old iron.

I thanggyu....

B

Thanks, Number Six, that's great - really helpful. If you can remember, did Orient run out to 'Tijuana Taxi' by Herb Alpert when you saw them? That was always their intro music when I watched them in the Eighties and Nineties. Barry Hearn tried to change it to 'We Will Rock You', but a fans' letter-writing campaign brought the return of the 'Taxi'. Someone even brought a ghetto-blaster on to their old North Terrace to play a tape of 'Taxi' when it wasn't being played over the PA! When it was returned, the DJ played the opening clap-clap-stomp of 'We Will Rock You' for a few seconds, then segued neatly into ol' Herb's trumpet!

MB - is that just a Scunny supporters' song, or do they play the old Peter Sellers record of 'Any Old Iron' at home games?

A while since I've been, actually. They certainly used to before the teams came out, as a crowd warm-up.

B

Bristol Rovers use Goodnight Irene as a warm up - it's a 20s song apparently, god knows what the link is?

sprout

At Sunderland games, Prokofiev's "romeo and Juliet" is played before the players come out,a nd then republica's "ready to Go" signals the players' emergence from the tunnell, and leeds thousands of Mackems to shoiut "Ah, crap" and face the dilemma between finishing their beers or seeing the start of the second half.

Sheffield United used to play Judas Priest "United" from the famous 'British Steel' album. They stopped doing that a couple of years ago and replaced it with some Star Wars bollocks.

The key tune that they play however, is the opening two lines of John Denver's "Annie's Song", just at the moment that the referee is about to blow for kick-off. The Sheffield fans will fill in the rest of the song with our "Chip Buttie" alternative lyrics.

This is probably heard to best effect at away games. Typically most crowds are quiet at the moment of kick-off, and suddenly 1,500 or so Blades fans in one corner of your stadium suddenly all start singing. It was very very noticeable if you'd watched the BBC's coverage of the FA Cup game at Highbury last month

Coventry have tradtionally run out to The Eton Boating Song for the last 30+ years, however this season its been changed to The Final Countdown, in reference to our leaving Highfield Road at the end of the season.

There was also a brief period in the late eighties when we ran out to something by Alan Randall - because someone felt the Eton Boating Song wasn't something you could sing along to. (Probably Terry Butcher) We also briefly had a song written especially for Coventry by BA Robertson, but it was so memorable - I've forgotten it.

As a bye the bye, Coventry were the first club to have match-time announcements and records, Sky Blue Radio being one of Jimmy Hill's innovations. This is something you youngsters probably take for granted, but I promise you in the 60's announcements were limited to 'crowd safety announcements' and if you were very lucky a list of who was playing, but usually you were encouraged to buy a programme if you wanted to know who was who.

, guys!

I actually phoned Orient today to ask whether they still ran out to 'Tijuana Taxi'. I am delighted to report that the answer was affirmative.

Although a few seasons back (probably 99-00 or 00-01) when I saw Argyle away at Brisbane Road Orient had been experimenting with different things to run out to and on that day they ran out to 'Bean Bag' by Herb Alpert, which is of course the theme tune to 'It's a Knockout'.

Which didn't half put a smile on my face

Then we gave away two goals in the first quarter of an hour and I could hear Stuart Hall's voice chortling away in my head "Ha! Ha! Haaaa! And now Jon Beswetherick's fallen over!"

Comedy football indeed.

Hmmm...Jon Beswetherick is a graduate of the "Lee Dixon School of Comedy Falling-Over", is he not?

B

I think you may be confusing your Herb Alpert numbers there, Number Six. The 'It's A Knockout' tune is 'Tijuana Taxi', which (as I know after my spot of research yesterday) happily remains a Brisbane Road institution to this day.

My daughter just told me about the N Ireland fans at Old Trafford singing

Will we hit the onion bag? oh-oh oh-oh
Will we hit the onion bag? oh-oh oh-oh
Will we hit the onion bag?
We can't hit the corner flag oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

AND

We're not Brazil we're Northern Ireland
We're not Brazil we're Northern Ireland
We're not Brazil we're Northern Ireland
But it's all the same to me

This apparently had a 'verse' as well but she can't remember it

Reminds me of the old Wimbledon song: 'We're not going down and we're not going up/We won't win the league and we won't win the Cup'.

I have now submitted the 'When Saturday Comes' article, making good use of several contributions in this thread, and including something to gladden GreyDesk's - the entire lyric to Sheffield United's 'Greasy Chip Butty Song'. So , everybody!

I look forward to it coming through my letter box

WOW! I didn't realise that When Saturday Comes had quite such a fast turnaround! Nice article Ormy

Wassa cover story - I'll have to get it...

Am I being dim, or is it not in this month's issue?

It is in a special supplement to the May edition which dropped through my letter box this morning.

The cover of the main magazine is, as always, a joke - this one featuring Frank Lampard and his manager on a blue background (for those of you searching for it at the newsagents)