h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Such a shame that you lambaste American humor in the introduction, and yet you use so many of them. But you forgot our most prominent, Mr. Samuel Clemens:

Written response to the San Francisco Chronicle after he read his own obituary one morning over breakfast: "The rumors of my demise are greatly exagerated."

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other thre hundred and sixty four." (In case it's not an international thing (and I doubt very much it is) April 1st in the US is April Fool's Day.)

"Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michaelangelo dies, but by and by you only regret that you didn't see him do it."

And to get a little return jab for that American slander: "The English are mentioned in the Bible; Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

And: "There is no such thing as 'the Queen's English.' The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares."

"If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?"

"When your watch gets out of order you have the choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest."

"I have traveled more than any one else and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent."

Use what you like, if you like, and if you don't, then don't.

I love quotes
There's a whole lot more, of my favourite quotes, in a journal entry on my user page. (shameless plug)

There is a great Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) quote appropriate to the H2G2. "The only thing worse than being editted is not being published."

The lambasting was fully intended to be tongue in cheek, and is after all a dictionary definition. However as I said, it's a longstanding belief that as God gave the promised land to the Israelites, roads to the Romans, and style to the Italians, so he gave Wit to the Englishman. Unfortunately that particular Englishman died some years ago, and no-one seems to remember a word he said, hence my desire to gather our collective wits about us, that we may all be orally enlivened.

Hehehe...'style to the Italians'...My only time in Italy was spent in an airport lounge while my plane refueled in Catania. The lounge was sectioned off so the locals couldn't wander in, but windows ran the entire length of the wall that seperated us from the rest of the airport. And for some inexplicable reason, the window was filled with gawkers in short order. They stood and stared, with no apparent concern that they might be doing something rude. I felt like a zoo animal. Anyway, the point to this story is that I think they were drawn to that window by our clothes, because every single one of them was dressed in black.

And another favorite Twain quote: "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." A lesson I have never learned, I'm afraid.

Ender opens his mouth to respond to the last post, and then decides against it.

Well if you're going to quote Mark Twain, here's a couple more:
'A flea can be taught to do anything a congressman can'
'When some men discharge an obligation you can hear the report for miles around'
'Man is the only animal that blushes or needs to.'

Plus G.K Chesterton: 'Twenty million young women rose to their feet with the cry "We will not be dictated to" and promptly became stenographers'

I find it odd that everyone is conforming to the idea of nonconformity. If you are doing the same thing everyone else is doing, and say it's in the name of being different, I find that quite silly.

I haven't seen any quotes from John Ralston Saul, a Canadian, or a colonist, depending on your point of view. He wrote 'The Doubters Companion', among other great books. I'll seek out the person I so foolishly loaned it to, and retrieve it for additions to the 'Quote File'. Unless there is someone in h2g2 land who has a copy handy?

I have a copy handy. My right handy, is almost a perfect copy of my left handy, except it's backwards.

Proof positive that American wit is rare and not to be found here.

Just a question...not intended to inflame...but what exactly is the basis for this odd belief that wit was invented and patented England?

That would be parity...The rubber glove, with it's red exterior and green interior, when stripped inside-outingly from off the left hand as red, now fits the right hand as green. First the left hand was conceptual and the right hand was nonconceptual-then the process of stripping off inside-outingly created the right hand. And then vice versa as the next strip off occurs. Strip it off the right hand there it is the left again.babblebabblebabble

And on that note...

"An editor is someone who separates the whaet from the chaff, and then prints the chaff." Adlai Stevenson

Majikthyze...The 'Parity' point is from R. Buckminster Fuller, whose genius must never be confused with wit, but with wonderment. 'The Doubter's Companion' by John Ralston Saul puts it nicely to you from me...ABASEMENT(in part)-"In a society of courtiers or corporatists, the question is not whether to abase or to be abased, but whether a favourable balance can be struck between the two. Simple folk may have some difficulty mastering the skills involved, but the sophisticated understand innately how the pleasure of abasing others can be heightened by being abased themselves. The illusion among the most skilled is that they can achieve ultimate pleasure through a type of ambition or drive, which they call competence.....Of course, power must be wielded or there is no civilization. But in a society so devoted to power and run by hierarchies of expertise, the elites are unconsciously addicted to an abstract form of sadomasochism. This may explain why success so often translates into triumphalism and constant complaints about incompetence of others. The underlying assumption of most civlizations, including our own, is the exact opposite. Success is supposed to produce a flowering of modesty and concern for others." Of course, I try not to argue with an idiot because they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience!

On the other hand, I've got different fingers.