h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, then. I've decided to start doing a regular session called "Full Plate."

If you know me, then you know that I can become hopelessly fanatical about things. And there are lots of fans like me. And one thing that fans love is to get together. And when fans get together, they eat.

What better thing to eat than food that is relevant to the fanishness, eh? Ergo, as a public service, I'm going to start making menus for anyone who cares to set up their own mini-banquest.

Full Plate #1: Video Games

PAC-MAN SAMPLER: I couldn't do a summary of video-game related food without mentioning Pac-Man, could I? This muncher has eaten so much over the years that he's probably more....something that....someone. Anyway, I suggest that this include M&Ms (or some other round, small candy) for the little dots that Pac-Man is always munching, along with a few of those giant Sweet Tarts that you can get in stores to simulate the power orbs. And we all know that when you eat the power orbs, you can proceed to having a cookie in the shape of a ghost....okay, so I'm cheating with that one but...meh. Oh, and don't forget a nice bowl of cherries for anyone who might want bonus points.

UNCLE CHUCK'S CHILLI DOGS: Anyone who's been a fan of enough of the multitude of universe's that Sonic has existed in knows that Sonic loves chilli dogs. And no one makes chilli dogs better than Sonic's own Uncle Chuck. So eat them, and pray for whatever metabolism the world's fastest hedgehog has.

LASAGNA: Not as noticeable, but this one is a tribute to the greatest of plumbers, Mario Mario. Mario, and his brother Luigi Mario, are among the finest adventurers the world of video games have ever seen. While they're not fanatical about food, you can occasionally see an interest in pasta from the various fan sites and cartoons around the world. So why was lasagna chosen? Well, Mario's a platform game after all. And lasagna's kind of a platformish food....just make sure to cook some mushrooms into the mix, and the tribute will do fine.

MEPSI PAX: I was wracking my brain to come up with a reasonable drink for the video gaming part. I eventually had to settle for Mepsi Pax. It comes from the game Conker's Bad Fur Day (shudder), and is clearly a reference to Pepsi Max (slightly smaller shudder). As I like neither this drink, nor this game, I went with something a bit more festive and less obscure.

"DEAD MAN'S PUNCH": Everyone's played a game where some water will instantly kill you. I don't know why this murky-brown (or green or purple....use food coloring) punch with ice cream is so deadly if you fall in it, but believe me, this'll kill any video game character who falls into its depths. Fortunately, you're just drinking it (maybe we could claim that this is a bottled ghost from Ocarina Of Time?)

There you have it. Other suggestions are, as always, more than welcome.

DUKE NUKEM DRUMSTICKS: For the macho he-man type who has to have "MEAT" in his diet.

CROFT AMERICAN SINGLES: A 'cheesy' reference to Tomb Raider that adds spice to your favorite 'buddy sandwich'.

WOLFENSTEIN DINNER PLATE: A four-course meal that can be found behind most locked doors and satisfies even the hungriest haggard adventurer. Don't bother doing the dishes, as they disappear once the meal is consumed. [Can you say Mission: Impossible?]

LEMMING-ADE: Perfect for the little folks who've had a hard day trying to find the Escape Hatch from w*rk. You've 'walked' what seems like miles trying to track down your supervisor, 'climbed' the walls in frustration over the latest procedure changes, 'built' in a handful of "idiot-proof" safeguards in your new software application, 'glided' past innumerable management obstacles to production, 'dug' deep for reserves of will-power to keep from throttling your cow-orkers, 'blocked' a couple of competitors from taking your customers, 'bombed' out on several time-critical tasks, and had to 'pick' your battles with the boss for a long-overdue raise. Why not take time out for a special drink that you won't drown in?

ZELDA'S VALENTINE HEARTS: Feeling run-down? All that hacking and slashing got you beat? Just need to tank up on some quick energy? Pop a couple of these high-fructose corn syrup confections into your mouth and continue playing...

LON-LON LA LECHE LIQUID LIBATION: 'Nuff said!

B4igetatummyache

Lon Lon! And the hearts....oka, B4, I think I need to throw a Zelda party, or something.

What? You haven't gotten any other 'bites' on this topic yet? They'll come... They'll come...

I'm just wracking my brains to remember all the silly Zork / Arcade / N64 / C64 / PC games I've played or been told about. A few of them had some fairly interesting 'health recovery' options.

Hey! InfoCom's H2G2 game had the aspirin, for the headache. Maybe you could incorporate that into the menu as an AFTER-DINNER ANALGESIC or as a tummy ache settler. I wouldn't recommend putting BROILED BABEL FISH on the menu, as too many HooTooers have a soft spot...in their hearts [and ears] for that particular little swimmy critter.

One thing to keep in mind is that most Deli menus usually have a price listing for their delicacies. I suppose you could value them according to the local HooToo currency, the Moxon. That would make each item fairly affordable for any of the clientele. Just beware of large groups coming in for a meal, as they'll attempt to use 'Bistromathics' to calculate their in-duh-vidual portions of the bill, and ~who knows~ how THAT'll turn out. Might generate another anomaly at The Lab and then there's no telling ~WHAT~ would happen next.

B4igetthemunchies

Believe me, B4, I'm eventually going to do a Full Plate that focusses entirely on Infocom franchises which'll include an entire Zork Platter (I mean, the game Beyond Zork alone has enough to work with....fish cakes, truffles, the coconut of quendor, "potions", morgia root,...the list goes on!)

But yeah. No more comments yet. Guess I'll just have to take a more "traditional" topic to be a fan of next time.

BIOSHOCK ADAM INJECTION TUBE (B.A.I.T.): a quick pick-me-up that also enhances certain personal abilities, such as, flame throwing, electro-shock, telekenesis, et al.

JOURNEYMAN ANOMALOUS INTER-CHRONOLOGICAL LIBATIONS (J.A.I.L.): drinks found during the varying time anomaly rifts that satisfy your thirst, but only until you change timelines, then you're parched again.

Imagine if you combined the drink and the food from each of these games. You'd get J.A.I.L.B.A.I.T.

B4youdigthisout&dustitoff&startadding2itonceagain&tellmewhatyouhaveonthemenu

For a moment, I thought Affy was back! Hi, B4!

Hey, Irv!
No, I was weeding through a bunch of way-old postings and decided to jog Affy's memory a bit. I was wondering if he ever followed through with this idea. If not, I hope to give him impetus to finish, if he's not too embroiled in the half-a-dozen other projects on his plate.

B4weallsitdownforadigitalsnack

Yes, I think it's a good idea, though I haven't seen him around these parts lately. FaceBook and Twitter yes, H2G2, no.

Well, somebody needs to rattle his cage.



HEEEYYY, AAAFFFFFYYY!!!


{crickets chirping}


Dang it.

B4wehave2useaBountyHunternamedBobaFett2rousthimoutofhishideyhole

...

Afgncaap5,
I know this is a long stretch, but did you ever incorporate all these food / drink combos into a usable document?

B4thestatuteoflimitationsrunsoutonthisthreadOReverythingreachesitsexpirydate