h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What are people's favourite insults from films?
My personal favourite is the French Knights scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail with such taunts as "You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur Keeeng"! You and all your silly English Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!!"

This is followed by "Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and you father smelt of elderberries! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

This is followed by the French Knights catapulting a cow at the English. Quite appropriate in the current climate. No doubt it was full of sewage.

The French Taunters is an excellent example of 'pure' insulting in film. An excellent example! All that "silly knees bent running about advancing behaviour".

I also think Steve Martin's 20 'big nose' insults in "Roxanne" were great. "His nose is so big he could smell the roses... in Chicago", or words to that extent. I must get the video out again.

Re Roxanne: There are actually substantially more than 20...I counted them once but can't remember the number.

There are some quite creative insults in Hook.

How can we mention insults in film and leave out Westley's repeated belittling of Prince Humperdink in The Princess Bride. I mean how much better can you get than, "I'll explain, and I'll be sure to use small words so that you can understand you warthog faced baffoon" I mean, the guy's been mostly dead for the better part of a day and he still talks smack. Give it up for the Dread Pirate Roberts'!

The only problem with film insults is that they vary from the good (such as the Monty Python example) to the utterly dire - both in the films and by people associated with them. And this goes right through the board. I mean, Quentin Tarantino is famed for the wonderfully eloquent and mature retort, "Um.. yeah, well... f**k you." Which of course breaks the rules from the article, but there you go.

The Princess Bride is an excellent source of insults, also of comliments ("There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to ruin yours").

The Quentin Tarrantino quote - I'm not sure where it's from - obviously depended on the situation, inflection, etc. Probably quite funny too. I can think of a few situations and inflections (deadpan in most of them) where it would a great retort. But um... 50295, in print, it's regrettably just something that will have the h2g2 people in charge upset with you.

The thing about Roxanne is, it's just a remake of Cyrano de Bergerac, which has its own set of excellent nose jokes.

And followed later on by "Ah wave my private parts in your direction, you cheesy lot of electric second-hand donkey-bottom biters!"

Woohoo yeah! Although if you ask me, what makes that scene great is Cary Elwes' incredibly sexy voice....

Then of course there's "F&ck you very much," although I don't remember what movie that was in (it wasn't Tarantino.)

How about Eddy Murphy in Nutty Professor doing a delirious turn on the Your Mother joke: "Your mother so fat that I roll over twice, I still on top of her."

Lil

Asteroid, check out the 'Your Mother' discussion on this page. Your contributions would be most welcome.

Paraphrased from my favorite movie, The Lion in Winter, comes the scathing insult......If he were on fire, I wouldn't let my dog piss on him to put out the flames.

Though for a nasty 5, look to Twin Peaks, when the sardonic Pathologist remarks about the country Sheriff's efforts at solving Laura Palmer's murder, "Oh, look, he's trying to think."