h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Originally it said *lay phone cables*, but I thought we were all above that kind of comment. I stand corrected.

I'm *sure* that was the wrong answer...

Probably.

Sorry! I've obviously been spending far too long in the Carry On forum. Can I get everyone a to make up for it?

You're welcome to get me a

Cheers, shall I pour?

OK Menz - a for Joanna, a for me and whatever you're having.

I'll have of your'e finest, most inexpensive please.

Is it possible to get Calamari and chips here?

By all means.
And now I'd like to pass on a great story I read the other day in "The Irish Post" (You get a lot of Irish papers left lying around in the pubs round my way). It's a bit of a cautionary tale for landlords like yourself, Menza...
The story was about a woman who'd gone for a long drinking session in a pub in Dublin. At closing time she went to the Ladies. Trouble was that she'd had so many s that she fell asleep in there. She woke up at 2am to find that she was alone in the now deserted, locked pub.
Now, frankly, I can think of a lot worse situations to be in. Presumably, she would have been able to help herself to whatever she wanted from the bar. But she sued the brewery for negligence because the pub management had failed to check the toilets before locking up.
The court case had to be adjourned twice because her lawyer kept cracking up laughing. Nevertheless, she won £4,000 in compensation!

I'm safe from that, I never lock up.

But what would you pay a fine in? Virtual beer?
g'night all

And come to think of it, we're ALWAYS allowed to help ourselves from the bar if no-one's around
But as you ARE here, how's about another ?

I've got to go too, G'night.

Help you selves.

Oh dear. A crossed-posts situation.
But now I'm alone in the pub, with permission to help myself! Hmm - time to hit the Fuel, I think... (Pours himself a )

I seem to have a hankerin' for an evil, hellish beverage. Any suggestions?

....Where are the paper cups kept?

*scratches chin with immence olive-green claw*

A slippery nipple. Only made properly in the Hogshead in High Wycombe

Well... you could have a Pink Cloud. It is an almost instant knock out *evil grin*

Joe aka Arnia

Slippery Nipple Fishies

Time for another , I think.

(A low groaning sound is heard from the pub floor. Slowly and with some difficulty, Ormondroyd gets to his feet, clutching his head)
Uuuurghhh... where am I?

It's okay, my friend, you're in the pub.
You've been at the Fuel again, haven't you?

Yes. When will I learn? I'm not sure what I need now... a coffee? A paracetamol? A hair of the dog? A brain transplant?